[Petra5ed]

Sometimes I think this board is all I have. It's the only place I feel like I can say most of what I'm thinking and most of you are nice and supportive. Thanks! Things for me could be so much worse, and yet they are still horrible. I'm not ok. What do you do when therapy doesn't work, and even good things aren't fun anymore? I look forward to my one hour a week, and my therapist is so nice, but when I leave now I realize I am truly alone. Will this feeling ever end? I've worked on bringing people into my life and getting closer, but feel like I'm spinning my wheels in the mud, I think my depression cant be cured.

[NowhereUSA]

I'm in the same boat. My depression is horrendous and even my T admits that therapy isn't really what's going to help. So far we've found absolutely no medication that will work

I guess I've just started to see therapy as a one hour b-fest. He'll let me scream and yell and just let out everything without judgment. Even so, I've started holding back some of the worst thoughts because I don't want to deal with him trying to talk me down. I take far too much delight in blind siding him sometimes. *sigh*

What the crap is wrong with me?

I'm sorry though. I wish I had something helpful to say.

[Petra5ed]

Originally Posted by NowhereUSA

I'm in the same boat. My depression is horrendous and even my T admits that therapy isn't really what's going to help. So far we've found absolutely no medication that will work

I guess I've just started to see therapy as a one hour b-fest. He'll let me scream and yell and just let out everything without judgment. Even so, I've started holding back some of the worst thoughts because I don't want to deal with him trying to talk me down. I take far too much delight in blind siding him sometimes. *sigh*

What the crap is wrong with me?

I'm sorry though. I wish I had something helpful to say.

Do you feel bad about your b-fest? I think part of my problem is that I do. I cant let myself expose the sheer toxic negativity that is lurking below, so I cant even fully vent everything and what I do say I feel like such a loser for. I feel like he's probably sick to death of hearing my problems on repeat.

[NowhereUSA]

I used to. One day I screamed at him, told him he didn't know what the hell he was talking about, and then stormed out. I later apologized to him and he replied that he thought if anyone had earned the right to yell, it was me, and if it helped to yell at him for an hour, he was happy to sit there and let me.

Since then, I feel okay about letting loose and just dumping my thoughts.

[SabinaS]

Do you feel like it all the time though, or are there moments when it gets a little better? It's hard to deal with being in that state all the time, I know.

Have you felt able to express your negative feelings towards your T? I don't scream and shout (perhaps it would be progress if I did) but I think I often feel better when I can confront him about whatever it is I'm angry/sad about - for me it helps that he is able to receive and process my negative feelings. Can you vent at him? He has majorly P'd you off recently.

[Petra5ed]

Originally Posted by SabinaS

Do you feel like it all the time though, or are there moments when it gets a little better? It's hard to deal with being in that state all the time, I know.

Have you felt able to express your negative feelings towards your T? I don't scream and shout (perhaps it would be progress if I did) but I think I often feel better when I can confront him about whatever it is I'm angry/sad about - for me it helps that he is able to receive and process my negative feelings. Can you vent at him? He has majorly P'd you off recently.

Thanks Sabina. No I don't feel like this all the time, I know I need to wait for it to get better. I'm not sure what's gotten into me, more and more I think it's chemical, it's some kind of brain malfunction. My therapist actually hasn't majorly P'd me off ever, there are times I've been mad, and recently I seem more hurt and more sensitive than ever, but looking at everything rationally he hasn't done anything I could really criticize... well, maybe he's said a couple mildly insensitive things. I guess I feel like I'm not even in the frame of mind to judge, I don't trust my feelings. I'm not really emotionally equipped to confront him, I probably should be able to take all these concerns into therapy, but the one hour a week just seems too short, and I greedily need it to be happy if that even makes sense. I'm probably trying too hard to make a friendship out of a business relationship I am thinking of me in therapy, but maybe in the wrong way. I think it's so touchy right now because he often feels like my only emotional connection all week.

[ThisWayOut]

I feel that way often. Lately, it's being triggered again because I feel like I have to be fake in therapy also (there's only so many times I can listen to someone tell me to think positive and focus on the positive before I stop talking about anything else to them because I'm sick of hearing it)...
I'm sorry you are going through similar stuff.