[evahis]

I have returned to psychotherapy after going for 10? or more sessions in the autumn, now I have returned to my t, I do like her but I am disappointed with myself for returning.
I have told her this, she says there is nothing wrong with having counselling, but of course she is going to say this, my inner critic says.
I feel torn, because I want to carry on seeing my t, but I have a part of me who is angry with me and thinks I am pathetic and needy and being taken for a ride by going back.
The money is a part of this, I can afford it, barely, but feel guilty for spending money on myself when there are people who need money more than me.
I haven't brought the internal struggle I have with the money I am spending on my therapy up with my t as it would be embarrassing, as I am paying her I think this is awkard territory.
Maybe part of my reticence is not wanting to 'go there' into parts of therapy...
Any thoughts and insights into my state of mind about returning to therapy from members who can empathise would be appreciated.

I'm in the UK too. I find the spending money bit on therapy for myself hard too. I thought about giving it a go for years, but always dismissed it because of the money. When I started it I planned to do it for only a limited time. I agree it is a really hard thing to discuss with your T, I had a bit of a meltdown the next day after I did once discuss it with my T. I think maybe it is easier for the Americans to go to therapy as it is more the 'done thing' to get your psyche sorted by paying for it over there (maybe our American cousins on the board will correct me?).

I have found therapy to be so helpful I feel differently about it now. I definitely think it is worth the money and I would be happy to go on and off for the rest of my life.

I never expected that I would be 'going there' in my therapy, I think I thought I would have a quick overview of some difficulties in life. Take it slow at your own pace, wait till it evolves.

[Favorite Jeans]

I try to think of it the same way I thought of paying tuition. I was investing in an education that has paid off in many tangible and intangible ways. Not every class was interesting or productive, I didn't enjoy every second of it, but I believe I am better off for it. Therapy can be like that: the long term gain cannot always be imagined at the start, you learn things that you didn't previously think were interesting or relevant and they turn out to be very central. It's very challenging and sometimes it's hard to see why you're doing it. It doesn't benefit everyone equally (or at all) so there are some big caveats. But if you were benefitting, why not continue to?

Also, if you weren't going to therapy would you really be giving that money to people who needed it more?

[guilloche]

I'm not in the UK, but I do struggle with the cost of therapy. It's such a slow, uncertain process... in some ways spending the money feels more like gambling, there are times that I'm not sure that I'll have anything to show for it in the end.

Did you find the previous counseling helpful? I know the money is awkward, but I bet that your T would be OK talking about it... many people have difficulties spending money on themselves for anything, so this is probably not something that she's never heard before!

As far as being scared of getting into things - I can relate. I think the trick is to go slow, build up trust with your therapist, and be clear about when something is too much and you need to slow down. It's hard (and kind of conflicts with the money concerns, at least for me, because I want to go fast so I can get done, and save money - but my scaredy-cat brain doesn't appreciate fast at all).

Good luck to you!