How do you know if a T is trustworthy?

Trust and confidence in a T is fundamental to a successful therapy but I really don´t know how to tell if I apprehend a T as trustworthy or not when I´m now evaluating some new T:s to choose one to begin therapy with.

There has been one or two T:s I really felt I didn´t want to see again but the rest of them - I don´t see them as completely not trustworthy but I can´t tell if I will be able to trust them either. I now talk about trusting them that much to be able to tell them all things I need to talk about.

I don´t know the feeling of really trust someone, perhaps that´s part of my problem, and it´s by that also hard to choose the "right" T. I can think of a T as nice, kind and so on but I don´t know how to evaluate if she´s trustworthy or not. My gut feeling tells me "no" about every T I´ve seen and that´s not because of the T, it´s because of my general mistrust in people.

I think it takes time to build trust in another person and open up to them. You might not be able to tell right away.

But overall, I think you need to pay less attention to the T and what s/he will or will not do, and think more about yourself. If you need to talk about something, talk about it, and try not to worry so much about the T's reaction. It's how you feel about and understand yourself that's important, not what the T does.

I generally don't trust people either. However, I have not had an issue trusting a T right out of the gate. I just assume that most should be trustworthy and take my chances. I don't have the time or money to muck around waiting to see. I just take a leap and hope it pans out. So far I have been very content with my choice to trust.

That being said, I did test the waters a bit with some slightly lighter things before starting with the bigger concerns.

My t and I were talking about this yesterday and his theory is that trust comes after the therapist has demonstrated that he or she can respond empathetically as you share parts of yourself with him/her. The more responsive he or she is to you, the easier it is to trust. In my relationship with my t, I've found that pattern to be true, trust came slowly as I risked more and more and he was consistent and kind and understanding.

I tend to work on the opposite assumption. I generally trust people unless they prove to me they can't be trusted. If not, I'd lose all sorts of opportunities for relationships because I'd be unable to take the risk.

Go on the assumption that this T is a professional and is committed to working with her clients. It is generally more likely than not that a therapist will act with professionalism. You've been stung; a lot of people on this forum have been stung; and that's a large reason many are here. However, that kind of leaves a skewed perspective that most therapists can't be trusted when the reality is that probably most CAN be trusted and those millions of clients aren't here because it has all worked out well for them.

You are going to have to be willing to take the risk or you will stay right where you are right now. There is NO way to know in advance of establishing a working relationship that a therapist will be trustworthy for absolutely, 100% sure. You have to go with your gut feeling about whether you feel this is a therapist you could establish a working therapy relationship and then give it time.

I don't think you can ever know. I think it's always a risk. People surprise you/me all the time. Even people who have proved to be trustworthy in the past.

I think finding a T is sort of like finding a partner? How do you ever know when "the right one" or "a right one" comes along. You never KNOW. and yet we make choices to choose someone all the time. And if you don't choose someone, you never find out. Doesn't make any sense to me. I would like a better designed system.

Yup. There are no guarantees in life . . . what do they say? except death and taxes.

There is no way to know who is and isn't trustworthy, but the word "trustworthy" itself often has a subjective meaning and it's also relative, not absolute. I can trust certain people with certain things but not trust them with something else.

I don't think it's necessary to fully trust someone in order to engage with them, whether it's a therapist or a partner or a business partner. You won't be able to safe proof every relationship you have in your life. Risks and possible disappointments are to be accepted as part of life, otherwise, we won't be able to take any action or to make any decision.

Trust the moment. If you feel safe in the moment and you feel that you are being helped in the moment, go with this feeling. Trust that you will be able to take care of yourself if the situation changes. Trust that life will take you where you need to be if you just attend to the present moment. All you have is the present moment. Everything else is beyond your control, so the sooner you let go of the need to safe proof your life, the easier life will become :-)

I don't believe there is a way for one to know. I do not bet more than I am willing to lose. Perhaps over time the therapist will prove trustworthy bit by bit. But caution is prudent I believe.

I think trust is something to be built. I never know if I can trust a t outright, however I have gotten the sense (like you) that i certainly cannot trust some people. I think that is the only thing I have ever known for sure, and even that was only because it was glaringly obvious.

How do you know if a therapist is trustworthy? You don't. It's a process, not a checklist. And it takes time.

That said, a clue that the therapist I'm seeing right now might be trustworthy was that I found her easy to talk to—and very comfortable and listened to—right from the beginning. Even so, trust is still a work in process.

You can never know. I trusted mine after a year of therapy. My T seemed to be nice, empathetic, all the rest. I was sucked in, conned, lied to repeatedly and I fell for it. He enlisted others in his manipulative game and ruined not only my relationship with him but also relationships with numerous other people in my personal life. He destroyed me and made it so that I can't trust anyone anymore. I ask myself every day why he would do this to me? I think he was trying to impress someone by trying to control my life. Bad idea.