[Jordy]

I saw T yesterday and still can't quite process how the session went. First we talked for a couple minutes about administrative things like my job applications, and her telling me she forwarded my phone number to some German T to go to a kind of seminar about DBT. (This was already discussed with her in her past, she was keeping me updated.)

Then I talked a bit about the argument I had with my boss last week, and how this resulted in me catching a virus from niece. I showed her the nice rash I have on my hands and she immediately said she'd write me a sick note for two weeks. That normally she wouldn't do it, as it is not 100% warranted, but that in my case she truly believes it would be beneficial. She asked me to use this time off wisely, like getting as much sleep as I can, work on a healthy eating schedule and spend some time with my horses.

At this point barely 15 minutes had passed and while she tried a few times to ask me how I was doing otherwise, how I had been since I last saw her I just couldn't find an answer... I just felt so numb and empty that I didn't have anything to say, like my mind was totally blank...

It was so bad, she actually cut the session short after half an hour, as she noticed I just couldn't engage in any meaningful work... I'm trying to understand what happenned, but I can't make any sense of it.

[sideblinded]

Jordy, I am wondering if all of the admin talk got you into a thinking intellectual mode and somehow you completely lost your feeling mind. This can happen to me. I find that I need to have a plan and write down what I want to discuss with my T or I will almost always waste time with him and not truly address any of my feeling issues. I know that I have some dissociation going on but mostly I am unaware of it. Maybe writing down what you want to discuss with your T in advance may help. Best wishes on getting this sorted out.

[Jordy]

I'm not sure it was only the admin talk we had, because even the night before or on my way there when I tried to think about what I could talk about I just couldn't find anything... I guess I was already pretty numb then...

[MindfulMoment]

Originally Posted by Jordy

I'm not sure it was only the admin talk we had, because even the night before or on my way there when I tried to think about what I could talk about I just couldn't find anything... I guess I was already pretty numb then...

Hey jordy,

Would it be useful to almost mentally flag things during the week as important things to mention to your T? I'm not always the most emotionally connected and I've noticed that when I don't actively flag things I don't actually remember them to bring up because they've already lost there emotional importance.

For example, if I do something positive 'Bump into a friend who usually triggers me, but I manage to remain calm' I flag this as something to mention to my T and she mostly would question me around this and then the session sort of drives itself, because she makes me make links back to childhood etc. I suppose it depends a lot on the type of therapy you're having as well; perhaps it's not a good fit, or your T isn't questioning you enough to drive the session?

I hope that you found something in this at least somewhat useful.

MM

Cutting your session short? Ouch.

[MindfulMoment]

Originally Posted by licketysplit

Cutting your session short? Ouch.

Yeah that is a bit harsh, I've never heard of a T who has done that. If they're NHS Ts (here in England) they usually keep you rambling until time.

My therapist has cut my sessions short a couple of times because I was in such a disabled state that I couldn't even really function -- couldn't think; couldn't feel. Both times he did so, he asked me to go home and go to bed, to sleep. He did it because he saw I needed to completely disconnect -- actually I had already disconnected. He wasn't mad at me; it wasn't a punishment. In fact, it was more done out of great concern for my condition at the time. It was very evident that he felt very badly for me and was really very in touch with my need to shut down for awhile, and he respected that and honored that rather than pushing me through it at that moment. Pushing me probably would have ended very badly; sending me home gently to curl up in bed and simply rest was very gentle and compassionate. It was the right thing to do at that moment.

[ragsnfeathers]

Is this something that happens a lot, or really unusual? If it's the latter, maybe it's related to the time of your therapist feels you need. Like the best thing you can do for your mental health right now is to stay home, sleep, eat well and enjoy your horses until you've recharged.

The sad part about all of this is that you'd finally started to tell her when you were in bad shape and were having good results from that. I'm sorry she sent you away instead of helping you build on that opening of your emotions you'd experienced in recent weeks. Well, we do know from your posts that she's a little loosey goosey with things. I bet she'd wake up if you found a way to let her know that you need more help and engagement, not less, when you shut down. Opening up is what's helped you get through these tough times It seemed to be a turning point for you.

[Jordy]

To be honest I'm not even mad at her or anything for cutting the session short. She's never had rigid time boundaries and most of time my sessions run around 45-60 minutes. But she actually gives me the time I need for what can be accomplished that day. So this with about half an hour was a really short one, but she's also seen me for up to 2 hours...

Looking back at it now I see there was not much point it me staying longer. I was really numb and in a foggy state of mind, actually I still am. And I start to believe it's all due to the meds I take for the darn virus I caught... I will sleep this of until I'm physically better. Then I'll see what happens...

[dizgirl2011]

I have experienced this. It happens me every so often where, no matter how much I want to engage and there is a voice deep in my soul screaming at me to use the time I have with T, I am just so shut down, so numb etc that I cannot engage and it is very upsetting for me to then leave having used my time this way but at the time it is happening it's very hard to do anything but sit there silently. I feel for my T in those moments as I know it must make me hard to work with, thankfully it doesn't happen to often. I have heard of therapists ending a session early if they feel it is the best thing for the client or indeed for both parties involved rather than drag it out until the time is up. Although personally I am not used to my therapist doing this and it would upset me.