[Seeking_Peace]

I've been with my T for almost 2 months. I like him a lot and feel comfortable with him. He's been nothing but compassionate/gentle. I've been thinking about random things and realized something today...I feel intimidated by T when we're standing up.

He is several inches taller than me and for some reason, when T greets me and stands up to say bye, I feel like a child. He holds the door open for me and extends his hand for a quick handshake and at that moment, I feel like a little kid. I'm not uncomfortable with physical touch and have even wondering if T will ever offer a hug. But I realized today and when I get even a handshake from anyone (including T)....I go numb.

Does this make sense at all? Am I weird?

[JustShakey]

Not weird at all. I often feel the same way. T has actually encouraged me to pay attention to how I feel when he hugs me. It's harder than I thought. I automatically block the feelings out.
It's not intimidation per say. I'm just terrified of any form of closeness.

[ThisWayOut]

Hmm... maybe talk to T about it? I don't often feel intimidated by my T's when they stand because they have all been smaller than me. I actaully paid attention to the size because I noticed I would be more intimidated when sitting than when standing. I would feel liek I little kid sitting htere telling them everything, but the feeling dissolved when we stood up because I tend to be about 4" taller than my T's (no idea why, as I'm not really all that tall)... Also, I rarely touch my T's, even for a handshake. Hugs happened very rarely. That would intimidate me.
You say it makes you feel like a child, can you explore that more with him?

[stopdog]

One of the two I see is taller than I am. But she is elderly and I am just middle-aged, so I am pretty confident I could take her.

[StillIRise]

Originally Posted by stopdog

One of the two I see is taller than I am. But she is elderly and I am just middle-aged, so I am pretty confident I could take her.

Thanks for the laugh!

[Seeking_Peace]

Good to know I'm not alone. After reading the responses, I guess "intimidation" is the wrong word for this. I think I'm also scared of the closeness. I don't feel connected to anyone and I can't remember the last time someone showed a interest in my feelings. T is so compassionate and says encouraging words like how smart/resilient etc. I am and that feels....nice. His voice is also very soothing.

I have shared quite a few traumas/emotions with T verbally....but I am terrified to lose control in front of T emotionally. I want him to see me as a strong, confident adult...even though inside I feel like a scared child. I guess that's why the handshake scares me a bit. Thank god it lasts like 2 seconds. And a part of me wants T to offer a hug but another cringes at the thought b/c I may not be able to control myself. Even eye contact with him freaks me out internally....I do a good job maintaining it but while doing it, I see so much gentleness in his eyes....makes me feel very exposed. Its like my insides freeze and I am yelling inside my head to stay calm those few seconds.

*sigh* Yes I need to explore these feelings with T but not right now. Maybe after a few more weeks I'll be calmer.

Originally Posted by StillIRise

Thanks for the laugh!

Made me laugh too.

[baseline]

hi seeking peace! I don't feel intimidated just awkward. He kind of runs behind his desk to make the next appointment then he stands way behind the door as if i might try to touch him!hahahaha not likely!!!! I have shook his hand a couple times he seemed surprised! Which made me feel weird. I also feel like a small child. I am petite he is tall so that's not a stretch!hahah If he leaned in for a hug I wouldn't mind. I doubt he ever will he seems as awkward as I do. Maybe its best this way the transference I'm feeling might just get worse!