[LesFleursDuMal]

Hi everyone

As the title says, I have never felt so confused in my life so I thought I'd ask for your advice. So, here's the thing. I've been feeling really low for over a month now, really depressed and also extremely anxious. I have those thoughts in my mind almost 24/7, where I see myself miserable and alone for my whole life. I feel like I won't ever be able to do anything with my life and like I'm gonna be single for ever and I won't be able to have kids. I've just turned 21 and rationnaly, I know I'm not old and I have plenty of time, but I can't control those fears, I can't control my mind. Today, I talked about it to my psychologist and his reaction surprised me because he said it was perfectly normal for me to be worried and he said that all of those fears were also linked to therapy and all my problems, he said it meant that there were things that I really need to talk about. I thought I was crazy, I thought this was the end of me because I can't sleep and I can't think clearly because of those fears but he kind of reassured me.

So my question is : has it already happened to you ? Have you ever felt so anxious and scared because of all the things you brought up in therapy (csa in my case, physical and emotional abuse and self harm...) ? And if so, does talking really helped you ?

I don't know if I expressed myself clearly, but I really hope some of you will be able to help me. Thank you.

[Raging Quiet]

Hello there.

I remember I was in a similar state at your age, but speaking to someone can help. It just takes time why you feel like you do, by looking back your past and peeling back layers of an onion and find out what's causing your thoughts.

Take care

[ScarletPimpernel]

I have not gone in depth about many of my issues partially because I'm not ready and also because my T prefers I focus on the present. That doesn't mean my T doesn't want me to talk more in detail about my past issues; she does...when the time is right.

I have found that the things I have disclosed have been very beneficial. At the time and for awhile afterwards, it did cause me to feel doubt, confusion, embarrassment, vulnerable, huge amounts of anxiety, depression, etc. But I was no longer keeping a secret. A burden was lifted. It doesn't have as much power over me as it used to. My T still accepts me which allowed me to accept myself more. I know I have a safe person to talk to when I'm ready. So it did help.

[ThisWayOut]

I've found it helpful to talk about the past stuff in therapy...

[JustShakey]

Whatever you do, don't settle for somebody just because you're scared of being alone. That's how I wound up in an abusive marriage and all sorts of other horrible places you never want to be. Stick with therapy, it will get better, I promise.

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[Restin]

One way it helps to be an older person like me is that there is a lot of real-life history to draw on. I sometimes get discouraged about something, but then recall that those fears I worried about the most and thought were the most hopeless, turned out different than I ever could have guessed.
One was that I married an older man and was so dependent on him I panicked at the idea he would surely pass away long before me, inevitable! Little did I know that by the time I was forty, I didn't even love him anymore.
Another was when I thought I was stuck in my minimum wage job and just couldn't get out of it, so depressed I would live out my life in dead-end poverty. Then the computer chip industry came to my town, and I had a big step up.
Another thing that happened is that the county decided to take some of my land, but they had to pay me a tidy sum for it. I was so angry at first, but I used the money to upgrade my house and take a vacation I never thought I could do.
So, I'm just saying I try to recall those events when I get discouraged and can't see how things can change. You never know what's coming around the corner.
Just one more thing, if you could have a good relationship with your T, he could possibly be a supportive person to help with your despair. One of their purposes as a therapist is to offer a healing relationship, as well as logical discussions.