[AncientMelody]

I hear a lot about attachment in therapy, transference and the like. Many people here have a strong attachment to their therapist, to the benefit or detriment depending on the situation.

I went to therapy primarily to treat my anxiety and depression (though I knew I had deeper seated severe self esteem issues that needed managment as well. I've heard discussed on here often how one wishes their therapist were their friend, or this or that other relationship. The interesting thing I've noticed.....that's one thing I really needed therapy to overcome. Because my self worth was low I couldn't find acceptance within myself, and I'd seek it in others. My primary care doctor-I had her high on a pedestal. She's the one that I've had the "oh I wish I was more involved in her real life" sort of thoughts about. If I really admired someone I'd find myself frequently having them occupied in my thoughts, they were idealized in my mind and I always came out in my thoughts as inferior.

That's for me what therapy CHANGED. I think my psychiatrist is great at what she does and I value her highly, but I value her ALL the MORE for the fact that I don't put her on a pedestal, that I don't have to be "good enough" in her eyes. I feel that therapy has helped me heal the dependent attachments in a very straightforward, practical (though not quickly or easily) way.

Anyone else with a similar experience?

[stopdog]

No. Putting people on pedestals and looking for approval from others is not the thing that plagues me. It is not something I have ever done.

[BudFox]

Hi AncientMelody,

What about your psychiatrist or working with her has resulted in this change?

I have similar tendencies, though I do not usually idealize authority figures like doctors or therapists. I see them as threatening and dangerous. I say "not usually" because the therapist I saw last year i ended up idealizing in the extreme, but that was because I found her exceedingly attractive in every way, and she became the perfect woman to me, then it all came crashing down.

Anyway, I also seek acceptance in others and my default point of view is that most other people are superior and i am inferior, especially with regard to physical appearance.

[The_little_didgee]

I don't put any clinician or person on a pedestal. This definitely allows me to be real with them. There is no pressure. Expecting my providers to fulfill roles (mother and friend) would cause so much disappointment (based on what I have read in this forum).

About 20 years ago I used to seek external validation to feel accepted. I felt it was the only way people would hear me and leave me alone. I really hated doing it, because it felt so fake. At the time I was being bullied because I had weird interests and trouble socializing. Therapy didn't help me resolve that issue at all. I outgrew this phase. My experience with psychotic illness also helped me find self-acceptance and peace. I had no choice because I was labeled officially "crazy". It was either accept my reality or die.

I never put my ex-therapist on a pedestal. I just expected him to treat me with dignity and kindness and respect and professionalism. Unfortunately I did not get that treatment and ended up even more damaged than I already was. I did not want anything from my therapist that he didn't give to any other client. I didn't want to be his friend, lover, wife, daughter (well maybe a little) church member or whatever. I just wanted his help and he couldn't give that to me.