[Irine]

i would like to have some oppinions...

[jefftele]

hi i could answer that with what makes a good human being,i'm not a therapist now but have had therapy in the past and i used to be one about 12 years ago until my battle with depression won.i'd say that a good therapist was real ,didn't hide behind theories,showed compassion ,empathy and was aware of their strengths and weaknesses and didn't think they had all the answers regards

[purplemoon]

I think that empathy would be one of the top qualities to look for.

Empathy.
Also the ability to stand back and observe so as to respond in the clients best interests rather than react from ones own %#@&#!.
The ability to not take things personally and to tolerate both positive and negative transference.
Curiosity.

One thing that makes a good therapist is someone who can take anything you tell them. Never looks taken aback or shocked-- so when you finally get up the courage to tell them something you've been saving because it's embarassing or uncomfortable or whatever... they kinda take it in casually, and lead you to discussion.... I've found that if the information is absorbed casually by T, I kinda feel like, "Whew. That wasn't so bad. I can really tell his guy anything." Of course there's a fine line between the T being causal and too casual. You don't want them to seem like they don't give a crap. I think my T draws that line perfectly.

[Talulah]

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alexandra_k said:
Empathy.
Also the ability to stand back and observe so as to respond in the clients best interests rather than react from ones own %#@&#!.
The ability to not take things personally and to tolerate both positive and negative transference.
Curiosity.

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Yea.....me too....and ditto.....

Somebody who conducts therapy through knowing you as a person.

Someone you really gets who you are, and shows that through the design of each session.

[sunrise]

Empathy, warmth, unconditional acceptance, insightfulness.

[anxietyman]

For me it's somebody who truly listens to what you are saying and doesn't try to make you fit with their methods. Each person in unique and so are their problems, therefore each problem requires a unique solution.

[WinterRose]

Don't know about therapist - only have had one. But for psychiatrist - someone who looks at you and interacts! Someone who's accessible, too.

[Juliana]

Good question. I think two of the most important qualities in a therapist are empathy and a non-judgmental attitude. I also think it's important for them to be able to read people well enough to know what each patient needs. We're all so different and we need different things in our therapy.

The therapist who helped me the most was the one who recognized that I respond well to logic. I need to understand why things happen, why I do the things I do, and I need logical techniques to work on to help me through my problems. I had agoraphobia and I needed to understand why. I needed to understand what triggered my panic attacks and why -- and he helped me understand all of those things and everything felt logical to me. That's what works for me. I felt totally comfortable with him. I felt like I could share anything with him and he never judged. He was very understanding.

I had another therapist who wanted to talk a lot about my childhood. It was like she was determined to find something disturbing in my past -- even though there isn't anything there. That frustrated me. I felt like she was wasting my time. I was there for help with agoraphobia and panic attacks. I believed (and still do believe) that my agoraphobia was triggered by being debilitated with Benign Paroxysmal Positional Vertigo for 3 years. I didn't have a traumatic childhood. I had a wonderful childhood with loving, supportive parents and that seemed to disappoint her. She often seemed disappointed or disapproving when I didn't give her the answers she seemed to want to hear. I wasn't going to make stuff up just to please her, though. She would also look at me sometimes like I was speaking a foreign language when I would tell her how I was feeling. She seemed to have very definite expectations of how I SHOULD feel and made no effort to understand how I really DID feel. She didn't help me at all.

[Hopefull]

Good listener and doesn't over react to what I say. I want to be able to say whatever is bothering me and now that T is not going to say or do something that shows that she is shocked or surprised. I love her focus on a person's strengths and her attempts to normalize the problem. Normalize just means helping a person to see that he/she is not alone in struggling with the problem. Many other people struggle with a similar problem. I have found that I can find other ways to normalize the problem that is better than her though. I find that reading other people's postings, sitting in on a support group or reading a book written by a fellow sufferer does more for me in the area of normalizing a behavior or mental problem.

[bipolar_bear]

I think a good therapist is one who understands and accepts you even it is not who they are. Who accepts your actions as yours and helps you through working on things you want to change without trying to change things that you don't. A person who is kind when you are needing some comforting and strong when you are going down a self destructive path and wise enough to know the difference. And especially someone who you feel safe with. And someone who is not a friend but shares your dreams, hopes and growth without judgement. Someone who shares your secret hopes and fears and both the past and the future. Someone who you trust and know you will never be betrayed and hurt because they do. Someone beyond a friend but with the empathy a good friend has. Someone who will never hurt you even though they have all the information to do so. Someone who shares your struggles and fears while remaining the one who keeps you safe. The rock in a sea full of turmoil.

[Perna]

I'm with Hopefull, I like a hard working, good listener.

[anxietyman]

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Juliana said:

I had another therapist who wanted to talk a lot about my childhood. It was like she was determined to find something disturbing in my past -- even though there isn't anything there. That frustrated me. I felt like she was wasting my time. Seemed to have very definite expectations of how I SHOULD feel and made no effort to understand how I really DID feel. She didn't help me at all.

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I couldn't agree more. This is the point I was trying to make before that you have illustrated much more fluently!

[Irine]

thank you guys.
i can agree with all that you said. and feel the same way about my wounderful therapist/concelour/whatever-she is just great. i love. her.

but i needed to know all that anyway.
thanks for unswering this reaserch.

[lauren_helene]

My T looks taken aback sometimes...I can tell my transference is not something he really wants to talk about but he will if I bring it up.

We usually get right off the topic though.

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almeda24fan said:
My T looks taken aback sometimes...I can tell my transference is not something he really wants to talk about but he will if I bring it up.

We usually get right off the topic though.

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How can you tell, Almeda?

[lauren_helene]

I guess because he changes the subject and doesn't ask me about it unless I bring it up. Maybe he's not supposed to bring it up who knows?

[sunrise]

Someone in a new thread asked a very similar question, so I'm bumping this thread for her/him.

BUMP!

[MissCharlotte]

I agree with all of the above. A good therapist is empathic, listens carefully and attentively, is respectful; doesn't freak out no matter what you say. I would also add that a good therapist must be really smart and analytical and also willing to challenge you. My T tries to make me angry at him sometimes but I'm not sure that's a good quality or not. He deliberately says things to be provocative.