Jealousy

Well, yes, it's the same with me - I know I said "things I can never have" but I wasn't thinking of actual physical things.

To me this seems like way too many incidents. Your T needs to be able to structure her life so that your time is not infringed on. She really shouldn't be asking you if she could send a quick email on your time. If her daughter's health issues mean that your T can't do her job properly, she should decrease the number of working hours, or find some other solution. You should not be paying, with your time and money as well as with a decreased quality of therapy. That is not selfish or childish of you. It's simply recognising what you are owed in therapy.

Oh...forgot to add to the list...the session where she brought her daughter with her, and left her in the waiting room. She got up during our session to speak with her/check in/whatever. It wasn't long, but it was obvious, as quickly as she jumped up, that her mind was on HER, not me, prior to that. This was the type of thing where there was some thought process on her part prior to just abruptly getting up and letting me know she had to tell her something.

I REALLY like my T, and we have a good relationship. But this is really starting to cause me a great deal of hurt. I know therapy is not painless. Far from it. But what about when the T (unintentionally) is just adding more? Why is it always ME? Ugh.

I know everyone has stuff in their lives. Even Ts. No one is perfect. But I'm starting to wonder if she's capable of handling all she's going through, plus her practice. I'm sure financially it's just not possible, but I feel like perhaps she ought to take a break for awhile and focus on what needs to be focused on. She is a good T. She's taught me a lot. But lately, things are getting in the way. If it weren't affecting me emotionally, I wouldn't care. But it's hindering my therapy, I'm afraid. I'm not heartless. I'm usually far from selfish. But I'm supposed to be getting better, not worse. I care, I really do, but I also need consistency right now, and I'm just gonna keep wondering and worrying if she's going to cancel again, or what.

I'm pretty sure if I quit, I would not go looking for another T. I've made it this far without a T, and can do it again.

I don't mean to imply that she's specifically setting out to hurt you, but are you sure all this is unintentional? Why is this always happening during your sessions, especially considering your feelings re: what you never received as a child vs. her relationship with her daughter? Idk, it feels like she's almost...flaunting all this in front of you. Maybe she's trying to manipulate a certain reaction out of you, like some sort of twisted exposure technique? But if that were the case, she should've told you that was the plan. There's just too many occurrences of this stuff for me to think it's all innocent. Yikes, that all sounds kind of paranoid though. I hope I'm way off the mark. I'm sorry that you have to deal with this.

Kay, I thought that. Believe me. I even mentioned it to a friend on here. Like maybe she was "desensitizing" me or something. She brings up her daughter a lot.

I know she is thrilled when she ticks me off.... because anger isn't something I show very well. But this is more hurt than anger. She is greatly adding to my envy issues, not helping with them.

I should say though, she only works four days a week and I see her two out of those four days. So I suppose odds are better that something may affect one of my sessions. But believe me, I've wondered the same thing you have!

I'll preface this by saying I'm not sure I'd ever have the nerve to do this, but maybe you can say that constantly hearing about or being exposed to info on her relationship with her daughter is too triggering for you at this time, and you want that specific topic to be off limits until you're in a place where you can have a more neutral reaction to it. Not that it'll never come up in session again, but until you're on more solid footing, this subject is too destabilizing for you. I think her reaction to that will tell you a lot about her intentions, as you are technically the one who should control the content of the sessions. Again, so so so much easier said than done!

I actually spent part of a session talking to her about her daughter specifically, before these latest events happened. I told her it was hard for me, and she understood and made me feel validated. I felt like a complete jerk. I was so ashamed...hung my head and couldn't look at her....but told her how hearing of her relationship with her daughter made me feel. I didn't specifically SAY I wanted her to leave her daughter OUT of my sessions, but I implied it as best I could at the time. I am just not that up front (another reason I'm in therapy.) So all of these things have happened, with her knowing how I feel. I can't be sure, but it feels like she's talking about her more since I brought it up. That's when I started wondering if she was doing it on purpose.

She has a beautiful daughter, and a beautiful relationship with her. I'm happy for them both. I know she's going through a rocky time with her now, and my heart goes out to her. But I almost feel like just taking a break in my therapy until her life is a bit more stable. Everyone has issues...... but as far as my therapy goes, it's affecting me negatively.

You're far from a jerk--if you were a jerk you'd never acknowledge that you were happy for them. This is really difficult stuff!

It's an issue of professionalism to me, not even a jealousy thing. I would not be envious of a therapist's child, but I would not be okay with having so much disruption to my sessions. If you focus on the jealous aspect, it lets her off the hook for just being an accountable professional.

I wonder if you're one of the few clients how have 2x week sessions so she feels it's more okay to disrupt your session than someone who only sees her once a week or every other week.

Either way, you have GOT to tell her how you feel. I agree with Kay. I would be so mad that my T. would get an earful the next session. Remember, just as they have boundaries, you have to teach your T. (and others) yours. One of yours needs to be no daughter allowed. Personally, I would feel horrible if every time the same client came in my office, I had to answer a call from my child. I would make sure it stopped either asking my child to stop calling or not answering/turning off my phone. While you are being very sensitive to her needs and her daughter, you also need to remember you are paying for this time. Would you be able to handle once a week until her daughter's issues calm down? Then, maybe she would be more careful with your time knowing it's only once a week.

I am so sorry. This sounds so very painful. I would be upset too with the daughter issue. And you have every right to feel the way you do.

Thank you everyone. I probably wouldn't be envious of daughter if she didn't take up time during my sessions! She immediately has to leave from my sessions to pick her up from school.....so if nothing else, I hear that. I've actually been wanting to ask her how many clients she sees 2x per week like me. I think she just feels comfortably open with me. I was closed up TIGHT when I started. Maybe part of it's my own fault...because she told me (when I was a tough egg to crack) that her feel on me is that I would need to know more about who she is as a person in order to trust her. She said I was free to ask her any questions I wanted. I don't think I did. Oh...yeah, I know I asked her about pets, if she had any. I might have asked her about kids, too. She texted me a pic of her grandson after he was born, but I figured that was because his birth affected a session, she had to cancel as her step daughter in law was in labor. I was quite angry about the 10 minute phone call the other week during my session from her daughter's doctor. She explained it to me, and I felt better. At least I had more understanding. But I think that's what she's doing. Giving me "more understanding." It did seem helpful to me at the time, but perhaps now it's too much. She's always talking about "my girl." (her daughter). This is a repeat, but one day she was with her and was going to be in the waiting room during my session. She sent me a text saying "you'll get to meet *****!" I thought to myself, I had no interest in meeting her. And we were not introduced. Although I don't think she could have anyway. She looks so much like T....she's a beautiful girl. But neither of us really even looked at each other. I did take a quick glance, to see if she'd smile in hello, but she did not, so I looked away. I should be in my session right now. I'm missing it.

I feel really abandoned today. And it's selfish. She needs to be with her daughter right now. I trust her to know that much.