[janelle217]

Hey everyone,

I'm curious to know what you all think of friending an old therapist on Facebook. I know generally it's considered a no-no, but I have a bit of a different situation so any opinions would be awesome.

I saw my T for all of last year for treatment for depression; he was studying to get his Psy.D. and so he was at a training clinic. I knew him before he became my T -- not well, but he was the fiance of a very close family friend who is essentially my second mom, so I had met him on occasion. Of course, once his year of externship at the clinic was over, he could no longer keep seeing me and I've since gotten a new therapist. When I tried to reach out to him once back in August for advice he told me that he couldn't talk to me about anything related to my therapy/treatment since he was no longer my T, and I totally understand that. However, I still see him on occasion and we'll just chat generally, we have many mutual friends, and he keeps popping up on my suggested friends list on Facebook. If anything, it feels awkward not to be friends with him, since he's now married to the woman who is literally my second mom, and though he'll always be my first T, I see him now as a family friend. I just don't want to put him in an awkward place, though, by sending him a request.

What do you all think?

Many thanks!
Janelle

[Soccer mom]

I would ask him about it in person next time you see him. But, why do you want to be FB friends? My T. also pops up on my suggested friends but it's a boundary.

[WrkNPrgress]

Seems like the code of ethics should still apply, even though Facebook exists— why don't you just ask him next time you run into each other?

I don't think that would be okay with a therapist you have seen that recently. It seems he's pretty clear about there needing to be a boundary between you. Chit-chatting occasionally is different that being privvy to his entire FB account and constantly involved that way in he personal life.

I do FB with two old therapists, but we are talking about therapists I saw literally decades ago (20-30 years) who live far away and our lives are completely separate and have been for ages.

I also think I wouldn't do this. From his point of view he probably still feels some responsibility towards you as a fairly recent ex-client and may prefer not. Is it really the best thing for you to be friends with him on Facebook? Sometimes we have to let go of our old T's, which is hard for you in this case.

[scorpiosis37]

I don't think it would be appropriate. He has already set one boundary with you and it would probably put him in an awkward position if you asked to be friends on fb. Therapists, especially ones just starting out, need to be able to keep their personal and professional lives separate. It can be uncomfortable for them when ex-clients try to be "friends" right after termination.

If he's popping up in your suggestions then you're probably popping up in his and he hasn't added you has he? I think it's a bad idea.

[Rive.]

He already said, from what you reported: "When I tried to reach out to him once back in August for advice he told me that he couldn't talk to me about anything related to my therapy/treatment since he was no longer my T" once already.

You can send that friend request but, my advice, is to prepare yourself for a potential 'no' to said request. Why? It is different chatting with him when you casually meet but 'friending' him is another level of intimacy.

[JustShakey]

You know, I'm going to go against what others have said here. I think that in this case it'd be fine to be Facebook friends. Facebook is usually pretty casual anyway and he said he couldn't talk to you about therapy stuff, not that he couldn't be casually friendly with you.

I'd friend him too. I get he was more an acquaintance than a T.