I'm hitting a deep pot hole of depression and it's thrown me off course a bit and I can't think straight.
I emailed T2 last week with a list of things I want to achieve in therapy and he didn't email me back. That was fine at the time as there wasn't really much to say, and I wasn't bothered at the time. But as the week has gone on it's started to bug me. T1 would never leave an email unacknowledged like that, and when you think about it, it's not really a normal human response to a communication of that depth is it? In what other walk of life would someone receive an email pertaining to past traumas and current negative thinking and not respond at all, not even a "message received".
I'm also ruminating his lack of interest in poetry, I've been reading about a therapist about 40 minutes from me who uses poetry as part of his therapy with some clients. Still don't feel much of a connection with T2 but I don't really know if I want that after the attachment with T1. I've got so much crap in my real life at the moment and I feel a bit cast adrift not feeling close enough to T2 to let him in.
Not sure how much of this is negative thinking due to depression. The landscape all seems a bit foggy. Sorry for the ramble.

You're dealing with a lot, on top of grieving your first therapist. You made a healthy decision to see one that's different since the first one couldn't help you with the transference. Is this one willing to help you through that?

I'm sorry this change has been such a splash of cold water for you.

Originally Posted by licketysplit

Is this one willing to help you through that?

Problem is I have to let him in first. Since I said goodbye to T1 I have started feeling very resistant to T2. Couldn't even look him in the eye at the last session. This never happened before with him, I always brought my 'adult' and he was doing well helping me through the break. Not sure why I can't seem to do that now.

He was aware of this, though, prior to leaving your first therapist? Hadn't you been seeing him a couple months? I'm just wondering if you can reorient him back to the reason you needed to switch, even if it's to say, remember when I first came here...well, things have gotten worse.

whatever's going on, don't beat yourself up about it. he might have just forgotten to reply to your email.

i'm really sorry you're hitting that demon that is depression. it's so hard and i commend you for carrying on and going to therapy. you are doing really well. just keep going xxx

Originally Posted by licketysplit

He was aware of this, though, prior to leaving your first therapist? Hadn't you been seeing him a couple months? I'm just wondering if you can reorient him back to the reason you needed to switch, even if it's to say, remember when I first came here...well, things have gotten worse.

Thanks, perhaps I need to reorient myself too. That's a good way of thinking of it. I feel as though it's slowly dawning on me that I can't have all the good parts of therapy I had with T1 without the bad stuff I had with attachment. I'm wondering if I can find enough inner resolve to focus attention to positive parts of my life and take a step back from therapy.

[AllHeart]

How long have you been seeing T2?

Can you resend your original email and say something like, "wasn't sure you received my email last week so I am resending." To not acknowledge an email is rude in any profession. When that happens to me, I resend and usually get a response then.

Sorry you are having to deal with all of this. Would you feel better if you set up a potential new client meeting with the poetry T? MAybe that will ease your mind and help you to better determine how to proceed.

Originally Posted by AllHeart

How long have you been seeing T2?

Can you resend your original email and say something like, "wasn't sure you received my email last week so I am resending." To not acknowledge an email is rude in any profession. When that happens to me, I resend and usually get a response then.

Sorry you are having to deal with all of this. Would you feel better if you set up a potential new client meeting with the poetry T? MAybe that will ease your mind and help you to better determine how to proceed.

Thanks, glad it's not just me that finds it rude! I see him tomorrow so I'll not bother sending him anything before then. I've been seeing him since December after I took a break with T1 (which ended up as a termination) Part of me is thinking about looking into poetry T but I am envisioning myself going from T to T, searching for something that ultimately doesn't exist. Maybe I'm the problem.

[AllHeart]

You're not the problem. Having a T you can trust and feel completely comfortable with is most important. If you need to check out other T options to find that, than so be it. Do what is best for you.

[SnakeCharmer]

Echos, I'm sorry you're feeling depressed and indecisive. I hope you'll sit with indecision for a while, a few weeks or a month, because it seems normal to me that after saying good-bye for good to T1 that all of a sudden T2 will seem to have all sorts of annoying qualities. T2 is not T1 and never will be, never can be. He's a completely different person. Which, under the circumstances, is a good thing. Although you had a wonderful closing session with T1, that doesn't mean your emotions will settle right away.

T2's statement about not being a poetry person and the non-response to your email may feel like blazing red flags right now. Maybe. But maybe not. After a heartbreak -- and that's the best word I can think of to describe your decision to let go of T1 -- we tend to feel over-sensitive and even intolerant of things we might otherwise view with a more generous attitude. You'll need some time to settle after making the brave decision to say good-bye to T1.

You described T2 as having many fine qualities as an experienced T who responded to you in reassuring ways. Right now, well ... a broken heart can make even the finest T seem wrong in so many ways. But that may be raw nerve endings speaking. If things don't feel right after several weeks or a month, maybe it will be time to move on, but right now might be a good time to sit with the raw feelings and to remember that T2 was making the right moves just a few short weeks ago.

I wish you the best and am sending healing vibes toward your heart.

[LonesomeTonight]

Do you know what T2's policy is about e-mail? Like did he tell you it was OK to e-mail him? Do you know if it's an address he actually checked? I'd ask him about his policy--he could be concerned about the confidentiality of information exchanged over e-mail and may feel uncomfortable communicating that way. But he still should have made that clear. Or even responded and said "Let's discuss this in person." Definitely ask him about it.

[BudFox]

My old T would sometimes get busy or forget, I would ping her again, then she would apologize and say something nice. In the meantime I started making assumptions, like she hates me now or is angry at me. I would give it a day or two, then ask again, but thats just me.

I can relate to the indecision AND the depression. I had an intense relationship with previous T, very strong attachment, has caused me a world of pain but the connection was powerful. Have been shopping new Ts for months. Each and every one feels like a watered down version, distant, uninspiring, clinical. Latest guy has potential though. He put me at ease.

Hang in there!!

Thanks everyone for your replies. I went to the session today with one very pressing issue and he did a very good job at helping me get my head round the situation. I still see the elements that made him useful to me, and I actually felt a little more clear headed after the session. He actually brought up the email, saying he 'really liked' the list and had printed it off in case we had time to discuss it. Now that I know he won't necessarily respond, but will digest, I feel somewhat better, though I didn't have the courage to raise how the lack of response made me feel.
There were still a couple of things that bugged me, the main one being that he had completely forgotten something that I consider to be very important. I know he has a lot of clients etc but T1 would never have forgotten something as important as that.
I think your advice is right, Snakecharmer, that I need to sit on the indecision for a while. Perhaps I need to look at the ways in which he can be useful for me in the here and now, rather than the ways he might not be useful for me going forward.