No more crying in therapy

musinglizzy, yes, you just click the little red triangular icon in the bottom left corner of the post you want to have deleted. If you want to delete the whole thread I think you do it in the first post, or maybe it doesn't matter which post you use.

People who are not members can read your thread. And it is very easily findable on Google, like all other Psychcentral threads and posts. It is not a safe place for any kind of personal information. (Many of the page views are in fact from automated tools from search engines, that index all threads to make them searchable in Google and other engines.)

I haven't had much to say, but I have found this thread interesting. Thanks for posting it.

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I am 6 hours away from home having a little mini vacation and what I find sad is how much I am dreading my session tomorrow. I honestly do not want to go! I would love some input on the email T sent me and my reply. She has not responded to it.

Honestly, childishly, pathetically, I don't want her touching me tomorrow. The timing for something to change was really bad.... And feels like nothing short of rejection. I have had a shadow over this trip. I let things get to me way too much.

Thank you. Good to know. I will eventually delete this. Will wait for some feedback.

I thought your reply was honest and respectful. From her email, you can know that she intentionally did not go over to comfort you, and that she had a reason for it. The question is whether or not this kind of approach works for you, helps you, and makes you feel stronger.

She has a certain orientation that seems to introduce (or maximize existing) stability and instability at the same time (her cancellations, fitting you in, regular texting and emailing that turned more sporadic). That is how life works, but for a therapist to use it as a tool is not what I would want. Some do that, though, and that's just their approach. I wouldn't want it for myself, but maybe this works for you on some level?

You were drawn to her for a reason, and maybe there's a part of you that feels this is a good fit.

I will say that one thing that really bothers me personally is pushing you to reveal more and more each session. I would think she would want to take cues from you as to when you are ready, so that you can do so as safely as possible. People who have been mistreated, abused or traumatized have had their power taken away. Therapy, in my opinion, should be one place where that doesn't happen.

So, I guess I'm mostly concerned that you're vulnerable and this is a new therapy experience for you. It takes time to figure out how to navigate this world and find what's right for you. Is she the type that would be more open to changing her approach? Do you have that kind of balance between you? I guess I would want to know that from her, to hear that she will adjust, the same way she has been asking you to adjust.

I wish I could be more helpful. It's so hard to know from the outside, how to see what's really going on.

Lickety, you are always a great help. Yes, she is pushing me to work hard. And I'm willing, because I want to make the most of this process. But I also have nothing to compare it to, so all I know is that it seems to be causing more hurt than help. To offer me something that helps with comfort, and then just taking it away without even talking to me about it is very hurtful. I'm going through very difficult time right now revealing things and feel I need support, not rejection. I don't even want to go tomorrow.

Just remember that you have a right to say what your therapy looks like. It's fine to ask for what's helpful to you and to ask her not to push so much, that you've had enough of that in your life. It doesn't have to be confrontational (you aren't like that, anyway).

Would it help at all to ask if you can work on some current issues for a while (such as your marriage) and lay off the past?

In my own therapy, I've asked my therapist to put aside her usual approach because it doesn't work for me, and she's been willing to do that. I hope yours can respond similarly.

We beat the marriage thing to death for awhile and I actually asked for a break from that. Right now, change isn't going anywhere...I'm just living the way things are until I'm in a better place to act. We actually are getting along well...as roommates. I sleep downstairs, he upstairs, but we interact fine.

She sent me a LONG Email this morning, I was still 6 hours away from home, but I bickered with her back and fortb by text much of the afternoon, and drive home. I tried to cancel tomorrow's session, but she talked me into coming.... basically I need 24 business hours notice, and she said she wouldn't charge if I canceled, but I don't want any special treatment. So I will go tomorrow, but I'm deathly nervous about it. Therapy is so damn hard....

Sorry I didnt' respond sooner, phone reception was BAD, and I just got home a little over an hour ago.

SO anxious about my session 12 hours from now....

Good luck, I know it's hard when you have hurt feelings & rejection to contend with. Open that up to her & let her know in person how you feel, sometimes it feels better to make people face what they have done in a way that they can't hide from you or ignore anything. With tact & respect, let her know what you've shared with us here, she has hurt you by withdrawing the hugs & comfort without discussing it with you first, you have a right to feel that way & she needs to know that & hear that directly from you. I completely get why you feel the way you do about that, changes made should always be discussed with the client before it is done, not after the fact, as that way you feel like you have input & insight into things too & it isn't just other people making decisions for you.

I hope the two of you can reach a better understanding & talk through things today & get them resolved. Let us know how it goes for you.

It was touched on, but only briefly, and really nothing worth sharing. Although I did tell her that I feel like she reeled me in enough to trust her, then when I did, she changed the rules. I just started a new thread on this topic. I really want to quit. Therapy seems to cause me more grief than I had coming in to it.