What do you think your T would have done in this situation?

Sorry guys, just wondered if I could have your input.

I wrote last week that I would have to terminate with T as after 9 years of seeing her, as I am physically unable to get to her home for sessions as I am 9 months pregnant and don't drive and its 2 busses to her house and I'm not very 'comfortable' at the moment and am unable to get out of the house, I made a huge effort to see her last week. Part of me didn't think she would terminate with me.. part of me hoped she would take my argophobic type symptoms and put a plan in place as I have servere anxiety to and work out a plan together of some type.

My session was okay and we spoke about childhood stuff as my dad is ill, she started to say I may have some form of PTSD. I said to her halfway through that I would be unable to see her at her home because I couldn't get out anymore and described my agrophobic issues, I had this about 10 years ago and it was a hellish time. She said she had expected that to be the case and that I would not be able to see her anymore as I was getting very pregnant..

She wished me good luck with the birth and to let her know when the baby was born. after 9 years.. she didn't offer we could have a closure session on the phone, she does do home visits but didn't offer this. 3 weeks of not being able to get out of the house without help as baby is due then. I feel at a loss, I feel she didn't take me seriously and I feel like I've been dropped.

Would your t have done the same? Or would you have expected them to signpost you for other support? Or, arranged another meeting in a different way, even if it was email counselling? Am I being selfish?

It just happened so fast from having a t and not having the support. I have tried to get other help for myself and I'm coping okay.. I just feel shocked that it ended like that. I bet she punched the air in delight when I went home.

Did you ask her if home visits were an option? Did you ask her if you could have a closure session by phone or maybe Skype? Sometimes you have to ask for what you need. It may be that after you've had the baby your emotional state may change; you may feel more able to get out, etc. You told her you could not continue; perhaps she's just giving you the time to have the baby, recover, and decide for yourself what your next step should be therapy-wise. Why not just give her a call and discuss what options might be available?

I agree, why not give her a call and discuss other options? I have done phone sessions with my t for over 2 years now since she moved out of state, it works really well for us. It might work for you, too during this time.

i'm not sure, but are you sure about termination? what about taking a break till you've had the baby and are comfortable enough to see her again?

I don't know but it depends on the conversation. If I told my T I was terminating she would have to wish me well and let me go. If I told her I didn't want to terminate but my agoraphobia was bad she would help me come up with a solution. Maybe you should do this with your T.

I agree, sometimes we have to ask for things. Me too, I often expect my T to react in a certain way, to suggest things, to come up with a plan or an idea, etc. But the truth is that sometimes a T doesn't take the initiative. For several reasons.
It took me a while to understand it, but sometimes it helps once you can change your perspective a little bit. Maybe your T doesn't know/feel that you would like to continue your therapy. Maybe she does, but she doesn't want to assume that you could continue (while you said you would quit), because of course it's all up to you to decide.
I think your T is simply giving you some freedom to decide while respecting your 'decision', but I totally understand the way you feel about it too. Please try to discuss it to find out what is going on here.

Since she does home visits I think she should have at least brought it up. I don't get the whole therapists aren't supposed to bring up issues like this with clients and clients have to ask for what they need. If that were true overall then they would just sit there and not bring up any observations or offer any help or advice. It's a weird way to end things. Very odd.

The best person to figure this out with is with your T.

Sometimes we think we're being super obvious about something or we think that "This is the ONLY way to interpret what I said/did." It isn't until we start the back and forth of communication that we figure out that what may seem like "Duh" obvious to us wasn't even on the other person's radar.

Recently I thought I had expressed to my T that I needed extra help. In my mind, even now, I'm like "This is so effing obvious." I had sent him an email shortly after session saying, "I did this, I expected this response, and you did this other thing and WTF dude?" <-- summary of email.

When he followed up, he told me he completely missed what I thought were obvious signals. I've worked with him for six years. He reads me like a book and so sometimes I take for granted his ability to pick up on my cues.

You're very pregnant. You're about to have a newborn baby. I'm surprised you would expect her to offer home visits. Hell, I didn't want anyone in my house for a good six months. I saw my T once in the first six month when I had my last baby and that was because I had a traumatic birth. My youngest was almost 10 months by the time I started seeing him again regularly. Between feeding and sleeping and just trying to figure out this tiny human that didn't come with an instruction manual (and hell this was my second!)...

My point is that you want her to offer you something you need without communicating that you need it in a situation that is unpredictable and different for every woman.

Reading your paragraph, I really could see how miscommunication could flourish. I say, contact her, tell her what you want, and see if you can make it happen.

I was glancing back at your previous posts and am a bit confused. In an earlier thread, you said she doesn't do home visits, but in this thread you say she does. Was today's wording a typo perhaps? You also had mentioned she was pretty much retired and it sounded like you were one of only a couple of clients she had left. Perhaps this is the time that you may need to find a new therapist as it doesn't look like she's going to continue in practice?

Hi Lola,

You are right. She doesn't do home visits, but she's implied she's made exceptions to this. I think as she is retired, she probably wouldn't anymore. I feel selfish that she's retired as it isn't fair on her to look after me. I suppose I wish I had just had some closure of some kind before baby is born and I have a new chapter of my life to start.

I think it would depend on how I worded things with my T.

If I just said "I can't see you any more because I can't make it to sessions due to xyz," then, she might give me other options, and she might just say "okay, let me know if you'd like to meet again at any point."

However, if I'd said "I need help figuring out how we can make sessions work within my new limitations. What options can you suggest?" Then T might give me options like phone, text, email, even finding a new T.

Even though I've been with T for getting close to 6 years, I know that I have to ask for what I want. I can't expect T to read my mind, especially if I tell her one thing (I have to stop seeing you) and really mean something else (I need help figuring out how to make sessions work).

After nine years, she starts to say that you may have some form of PTSD? Am I missing something or has this been more of a supportive relationship than therapy? If it is, then I can almost sort of see the non-closure to this. She may have an understanding that you will check back in when you're ready. It's impossible to know from the outside how much is perception and how much was explicitly communicated.

I do think a therapist would generally accept a client's termination, but there is usually a discussion about it. I dunno...it's worth a follow up with her for sure.

So, perhaps you need to communicate that need for closure with her and go from there. You terminated your therapy with her, so it is unlikely she will contact you, but you can still contact her and ask for help with reaching that closure. Sounds like that is something you might think of doing (and it sounds like you are in a time crunch). Good luck and best wishes for you and your baby by the way.

Does she actually realise you meant termination?
Reading your first post about what she expected, and letting her know when the baby is born I wondered if she is expecting you to return once you have had the baby
I hope you talk to her more about this and don't leave it with you hurting as you are now

In fact, I believe the second would offer something else or confirm what I wanted. I have no idea about the first one.
OP - is your therapist retired or retiring? I thought she was, but I could be mixing it up with someone else.

It's her choice to "look after you" or not. You can ask.

I am surprised she only now suggests you might have PTSD? After 9 years? Wouldn't she know by now? When uou have ur baby maybe you can find new therapist? The one closer by

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...you terminated. you didnt ASK for what you wanted. she cant read your mind.