[musinglizzy]

Wow. I saw it mentioned here on PC recently, and I just watched it. WOW. There were a lot of triggers there....but I wanted to see it, and I'm glad I did. So many powerful moments in that movie. But what I love most is the end. The client has an impact on the T, and helps T to grow. I firmly believe that. My T recently told me she has nothing to gain from my therapy. I didn't say anything to her, but I don't agree. I think Ts learn and grow from their clients, and grow to change sometimes, just like teachers are never the same when they retire as when they first enter the profession.

I was reading a book that mentioned how a T was retiring, and his longtime clients reflected on his work, and boasted proudly how he never changed, he remained consistent through the years. The T himself bragged about it being "good technique." The writer of the book actually put a different perspective on that, saying that the T didn't let his clients matter enough to him to be influenced and changed by them, and it was one of the saddest therapy stories he'd ever heard. Interesting...

[KayDubs]

Originally Posted by musinglizzy

My T recently told me she has nothing to gain from my therapy.

Yeesh, I'd be hurt by that comment. I've learned something from pretty much everyone I've ever worked closely with, even if we got along terribly (ETA: and in those cases I usually learned what kind of behavior I found unacceptable in others).

[musinglizzy]

Yeah, I'm hurt by a lot of things right now...but she thinks I'm obsessing so I'm going to try to change the subject in sessions from now on. But that elephant will still be in the corner....

Are you sure it's your obsession and not your intuition?

[clairelisbeth]

She actually said she has nothing to gain from your therapy?? That's terrible! I'm so sorry!

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[KayDubs]

Originally Posted by licketysplit

Are you sure it's your obsession and not your intuition?

I'm thinking this, too. I'm sorry, ML. You've been through hell and back lately.

[musinglizzy]

I think it's intuition.... but I will admit I've said obsessing myself.
She did say that, yes. Although it was not in a negative tone, she said something like "this is your therapy. I have nothing to gain from it, you do." So purely non-negative, but it still stung for her to say it, because I think we can change and/or grow from everyone we interact with. With every client a T has, if nothing else, they gain experience. I'll include the story that was in the book I mentioned.... just because I found it interesting. But wow...this movie was just proof. What a powerful ending! I will definitely watch it again sometime.

Here's that part of the book I mentioned....

Let the Patient Matter to You

It was more than thirty years ago that I heard the saddest of psychotherapy tales. I was spending a year's fellowship in London at the redoubtable Tavistock Clinic and met with a prominent British psychoanalyst and group therapist who was retiring at the age of seventy and the evening before had held the final meeting of a long-term therapy group. The members, many of whom had been in the group for more than a decade, had reflected upon the many changes they had seen in one another, and all had agreed that there was one person who had not changed whatsoever: the therapist! In fact, they said he was exactly the same after ten years. He then looked up at me and, tapping on his desk for emphasis, said in his most teacherly voice: "That, my boy, is good technique."

I've always been saddened as I recall this incident. It is sad to think of being with others for so long and yet never to have let them matter enough to be influenced and changed by them. I urge you to let your patients matter to you, to let them enter your mind, influence you, change you, and not to conceal this from them.

[unaluna]

Its been a while since i saw the movie but i remember it was really good.

I used to think my t needed to change. Now im embarrassed i ever told him that. He did become slightly less defensive tho and i do appreciate that. Defensiveness is something up with which i will not put! But probsbly mostly he was mirroring me when he was acting like a butt.

[musinglizzy]

Originally Posted by hankster

But probsbly mostly he was mirroring me when he was acting like a butt.

LOL Hankster!

[KayDubs]

Originally Posted by musinglizzy

I urge you to let your patients matter to you, to let them enter your mind, influence you, change you, and not to conceal this from them.

That's a great quote. I hope I've had a positive influence or effect on my T.

[ragsnfeathers]

Originally Posted by hankster

Its been a while since i saw the movie but i remember it was really good.

I used to think my t needed to change. Now im embarrassed i ever told him that. He did become slightly less defensive tho and i do appreciate that. Defensiveness is something up with which i will not put! But probsbly mostly he was mirroring me when he was acting like a butt.

I like your proper use of grammar.

I've never even thought about therapy changing T.
I guess I get enough within therapy with her to not feel that as something that 'should' happen.
I think we die everyday. Who I was before I met some people I know now is different to who I was before I met them. This isn't down to them. It's who we are as human beings. Our life's are unfinished novels. We fain more as we roll along together.