Specific ways to cope with self-hating feelings

ragsnfeathers · Mar 19, 2015, 11:41 AM

Okay, this is my first thread. I hope I'm doing this right. Especially technically.

I'm starting to be more active and to risk doing more and putting myself out in the world more. I also found out via T that I go through a lot of life on autopilot, in a trance-like state and I'm trying to do this at least less. So now all of my feelings that I'm doing things all wrong, the world would be better if I stayed in my shell, and all those oh so pleasant vague self-hate feelings are saying, we're still here why would you think we left. Some of that might have a basis. I know I have LD's and process in sometimes nonstandard ways.

This isn't about reassurance and I'm working on this in therapy so it's not about long-term complicated stuff. I'm simply looking for list type ways that people use to cope in the interim when their "stuff" gets too insistent on having stuff's way. I figure other people could use this, too.

I'm going offline but will check PC periodically and log on long enough to comment when appropriate.

Thanking you in advance.

IndestructibleGirl · Mar 19, 2015, 11:45 AM

I'm not sure I understand you correctly, so want to clarify before replying properly -

Is it that you feel now you have emerged from your trance, you are feeling overwhelmed with emotions?

Or that the change to living this way is painful because you feel you were doing it wrong for too long?

Or that you feel it would be better for the world if you were still not engaging wholly?

Or am I way off the mark?..

Mar 19, 2015, 11:49 AM

I interpreted this as coping with self hatred. Here's how i do it:

* no black and white thinking
* ask the opinions of others
* keep busy
* write a list of all your achievements
* self soothe
* journaling
* think of yourself as a little kid to find empathy for yourself
* make a conscious effort to be kinder to yourself
* recognise and step away from self-hating thoughts

ragsnfeathers · Mar 19, 2015, 12:10 PM

I'm having trouble getting this to post. Hoping this sentence helps.

Is it that you feel now you have emerged from your trance, you are feeling overwhelmed with motions?

This.

Or that the change to living this way is painful because you feel you were doing it wrong for too long?

No, if I'm only doing something to myself it causes regret but not self-hate. Regret isn't as intense.

Or that you feel it would be better for the world if you were still not engaging wholly?

Yep.

Or am I way off the mark?..

No, not at all. Besides, coping skills for any of these are welcome because what I can't use someone else can.

ragsnfeathers · Mar 19, 2015, 08:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 8888an8888

I just posted a reply and it disappeared. Grrr.

Thanks. This is useful. I was waiting to see if I got more replies but you gave me a a lot of good ideas. Here are some specific responses:

* no black and white thinking
My strongest feelings are really a fear of making subtle, or not so subtle, mistakes that cause harm. I was thinking that it's hard to fit that into black/white thinking but I catastrophize the effects so you're right. I realized today I also think if I make a mistake I'll be globally disliked. That's definitely catastrophizing. I'll keep my t in business for sure.

* ask the opinions of others
I've been told, I think with good reason, that I asked for reassurance too much so I'm afraid to do this now.

* keep busy
This is a double edged sword. Either what I'm doing is the cause of my self-hate or it helps a lot. It did this afternoon.

* write a list of all your achievements
I do this every evening in my head. I can put it on paper and reread it when necessary.

* self soothe
When I'm down on myself, self-soothing seems like an indulgence that I don't deserve. Except that I do. With food, in an unhealthy way.

* journaling
This could work.

* think of yourself as a little kid to find empathy for yourself
* make a conscious effort to be kinder to yourself
I so don't practice what I preach here. Thanks.

* recognise and step away from self-hating thoughts
My thoughts are really fears of what I don't know I'm doing wrong so this could be hard.

Thanks so much for this list. I'm going to start implementing some of them immediately.

ScarletPimpernel · Mar 20, 2015, 02:30 AM

One thing I did to try to show myself I'm valuable is make a collage. I started with pictures of myself in the center. Around those are all the people I love and who have loved me (least the ones I had pictures of). Around that are pictures of my pets. And then around that are all the things I love: favorite flowers, music, books, foods, hobbies, etc. And the border of the collage is all the positive words about myself that either I believe or other people have said about me. I hung it above my nightstand.

It doesn't always help, but it does sometimes.

I don't know if this is helpful or applies.

Mar 20, 2015, 06:37 AM

no problem.

StressedMess · Mar 20, 2015, 07:17 AM

Scarlet, I'm not much for art, but that collage might be on my list of things to do this weekend.

Rags, my go to number one thing to do when I feel insecure is start the self-hate. I can't confront people IRL so I take all my pent up aggression out on myself.

Having a physical outlet for that aggression might help. Kickboxing, or punching a pillow if you're not athletically inclined (like me) and want to avoid trips to the ER. What about making a habit to talk to yourself the same way you talk to everyone else? I would never call someone stupid but little voice in my head loves calling me that.

Hugs!!

ragsnfeathers · Mar 20, 2015, 07:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

One thing I did to try to show myself I'm valuable is make a collage. I started with pictures of myself in the center. Around those are all the people I love and who have loved me (least the ones I had pictures of). Around that are pictures of my pets. And then around that are all the things I love: favorite flowers, music, books, foods, hobbies, etc. And the border of the collage is all the positive words about myself that either I believe or other people have said about me. I hung it above my nightstand.

It doesn't always help, but it does sometimes.

I don't know if this is helpful or applies.

This is actually a really good idea. I make collages but usually about political/environmental issues but I never thought of doing this. Words are my friends but I think this will speak to my feelings. I'm starting one tomorrow. Today is already spoken for. Thank you.

ragsnfeathers · Mar 20, 2015, 07:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by StressedMess

Scarlet, I'm not much for art, but that collage might be on my list of things to do this weekend.

Rags, my go to number one thing to do when I feel insecure is start the self-hate. I can't confront people IRL so I take all my pent up aggression out on myself.

Having a physical outlet for that aggression might help. Kickboxing, or punching a pillow if you're not athletically inclined (like me) and want to avoid trips to the ER. What about making a habit to talk to yourself the same way you talk to everyone else? I would never call someone stupid but little voice in my head loves calling me that.

Hugs!!

Interesting, I never thought about it as aggression but it is, isn't it? Yeah, I never was the athletic type and my knees won't let me kickbox but punching a pillow...I don't feel my feelings as aggression but when they show their pretty little heads I'm going to try this with the pillow and see how they respond.

You got my number. I would never talk to someone else or believe of someone else what I say to myself. I think this is a therapy thing, though.

Thanks!

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Specific ways to cope with self-hating feelings

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