[Soccer mom]

I've gone off and on to my T. for 5 years until the last almost year after my mom died. As most of you know, I have maternal transference positive and negative. Before my mom died, I never once thought about my T. between sessions or at anytime. It was a normal professional relationship mainly for problem solving - I probably didn't share a lot of feelings in the past.

I am not a nervous person and view myself as secure and an extrovert. I can give speeches to a crowd and go up to any stranger and talk. I have noticed that when I see my T. out in public, I get very nervous. I recently saw her at a stoplight. Obviously I wasn't going to be able to talk to her and she probably wouldn't see me. However, I got a rush of adrenaline and was completely nervous.

I can't figure out why this happens. I've never felt this way with men either when I was dating. I did feel this way about some teachers and other maternal roles. I can't pinpoint why I would be nervous and it's almost like my body has a reaction before my mind. But, when I start to talk to T or a maternal figure, I calm down and am fine.

I want to discuss this with her because it's uncomfortable, annoying and perplexing. Any ideas? Have any of you felt this way about your T. or other people?

[JustShakey]

Somatic memories. Your body *is* having a reaction before your mind because your body remembers it but your mind does not. Or more accurately the more primitive part of your brain 'remembers' it.
I'm guessing you are associating your T and other maternal figures with very very early trauma. You calm down when you start talking because you are accessing your higher, cortical brain and using logic to process these early, primitive feelings. As you keep talking about it (over and over like a broken record, I know, I know!), the panicky feelings will eventually fade. Or so they say at any rate

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[WrkNPrgress]

Maybe because the things you've discussed and the very personal processes with your T identify her with a very vulnerable state.

That being said, It could just be the crush of Transference. I always feel that way when I see crushes, old or new in the 'real' world. I don't think it has to be more complex than that.

[unaluna]

Wow. I have had these reactions at unexpected t sightings, but i didnt think to associate them with early trauma. I would see them as a neglected child being so freaking happy to catch an unexpected glimpse of The Source. Of course, that in itself is traumatic in that it shouldnt be such a rare event. Point to JS.

[Soccer mom]

Originally Posted by WrkNPrgress

Maybe because the things you've discussed and the very personal processes with your T identify her with a very vulnerable state.

That being said, It could just be the crush of Transference. I always feel that way when I see crushes, old or new in the 'real' world. I don't think it has to be more complex than that.

I've thought about the vulnerable thing but I have actually told a friend of mine more than I have my T. So, I think it cancels that hypothesis out.

Hmm, I"ll have to think about the crush thing. It's been so long! LOL And, would it be weird to have that physical response before anything going through my mind? In fact, when I saw her I calmly thought "oh, there's T" and then the physical freak out happened but I didn't remember thinking "OMG, THERE"S T!!!!"

My T. does think I had trauma but I don't remember it. A sibling of mine remembers my parents not paying attention to me when I would get upset and at many different times when I was a toddler. So, it could be related to something primitive. Just trying to figure it all out.

[JustShakey]

Originally Posted by Soccer mom

And, would it be weird to have that physical response before anything going through my mind? In fact, when I saw her I calmly thought "oh, there's T" and then the physical freak out happened but I didn't remember thinking "OMG, THERE"S T!!!!"
.

Not weird at all. Perfectly normal as it turns out. I can't remember the exact mechanism (must look it up when I have a minute), but it's like your body sends your brain the 'PANIC NOW!' signal before you even think about it. You don't have time to think actually, because the 'thought' is a signal directly from your body, while the action of seeing T has to be processed by the visual part of your brain before you can think 'oh, there's T'

And early trauma can be as simple as not getting a timely response to your cries or being cared for by a disengaged caregiver who is just going through the motions. There are plenty of studies that prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that babies literally fade away and die without connection - being smiled at, played with , held, etc.

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[unaluna]

One time i saw my t/pdoc stopped at the traffic light and i later told him that i was very disappointed that he didnt fall out of his car when he saw me, that THAT was how excited i felt, and how excited i expected the love of my life to be when seeing me unexpectedly. Thats not asking too much, is it?

[WrkNPrgress]

I have these sorts of reactions all the time for various reasons. Sometimes they're happy like when I see an old crush— sometimes they're more about something panicky. Sometimes it's because I've had a bit too much caffeine that day and my nervous system is on overload.

Point being, though it's definitely your body noticing something before your mind can interpret it, I don't think it necessarily has to signify that anything's "wrong" or traumatic necessarily.

[healed84]

I agree what a lot of other people have said already.. I just want to add, that I see my T a good amount outside of his office between school and dance studio functions. I think over time it gets a bit easier, but I can sort of anticipate when I will run into t and/or his family. However, I think that there is always going to be that certain kind of "rush" because I think your body does react to this person, who knows very personal things, you are encountering that person outside the frame of Therapy.