"You'll never be a therapist"

I hope you also realize that when your current T finds out your plans, she could easily scupper them all by making a submission as to why you are unsuitable. Just because you get qualifications doesn't mean you get to be licensed. And, to be honest, if you don't have the wherewithal to actually seek out healthy relationships and good therapy, she'd probably be correct in doing that.

You. Need. A. New. Therapist.

You gotten many supportive and helpful replies so I won't repeat what I have been able to understand so far. I totally get it for several reasons. First I have had a mental health diagnosis (PTSD) that was severe enough to get me on disability. I then started therapy, having no clue and now no longer satisfy criteria for any mental health diagnosis, though of course with a trauma history, especially early and continuous throughout life, I am still vulnerable to stressors. I no longer mention my history to people in the field after trusting and having bad experiences with people who were overly suspicious and not fair minded.

But I have put my personal therapy at the very top in order to get to a place where I know for certain and so do others that I can be a good therapist and if I do have responses, I know what to do with them. That's why I chose analysis rather than any other therapy. Analysts do their own analysis as a requirement. They even compete with each other for how far they can regress to really primitive states. And then later joke about it.

Several great analysts have even had several psychotic breaks, which you would think would somehow disqualify them from serving others. But no, on the contrary, it informed their work. I don't know how public they went when this was occurring and I'm not saying that this is okay universally. It is certainly problematic, but my point is that the field is filled with people who have experienced difficult states in themselves or others and managed to become respected and certainly credible and effective.

This really is not a psychological question, but an ethical one. The fundamental issue is do you put your clients' welfare first beyond yourself and desires and career to know what you have to do to prepare yourself for very taxing emotional work. And do you know what you would do to recognize signs that you were not serving them and what steps you would take to resolve that.

With the criminal record I also feel empathy, not with the particular issues but the whole thing. I have a very old DUI but unfortunately (and I did not realize this until this year) it also included an assault on a peace officer. That is not what actually happened. The cop put her hands all over me when I got a drink of water and I had a spontaneous triggered reaction. They of course did not understand how that sort of thing works. But everyone knows that even touching a cop can result in a battery charge. Thing is I have to compete with people who have a clear record. We have fingerprinting here for all jobs. So far I have been cleared. I think it was so long ago and relatively minor (I paid no fine and was given time served because I sought out treatment).

However, I have since found out that not just once but twice I will have to produce all the documents plus letters and my own account and wait for some unknown committee to respond. I have an A plus record and excellent reviews from supervisors. Still I have to deal with this 20 year old crime anyway. And since it looks on the surface like a violent crime, I could very well be denied. So I get it. They take very seriously any evidence of poor judgement since after all we are signing up to work with mostly very vulnerable people's minds. I totally get it. On the other hand, not allowing for humanness and reform, plus going into "witch hunt" mode which someone told me about several schools they knew about seems very unfair. Schools and placements connected to them or afterwards are usually overseen and if anyone could be seen as a hazard to their standing, they tend to launch a preemptive strike. Strangely enough it is easier to become a psychiatrist and even analyst than it is for these "lower" positions.

Why do you stay with her?

A few people have asked whether your unwillingness to sever your toxic relationship with your T and seek out a healthy therapeutic relationship will impact your ability to provide care for others as a potential therapist.

I am not judging you. I have personality issues myself, so my intention is not to judge but rather to ascertain whether you understand why people are asking you this.

Do you see the relationship?

Have you ever seen another T for consultation about why you stay with your T? Do you think that might help you figure it out?

Lol she would never do that. That alone would be a serious breach of confidentiality, and I doubt she'd risk her license just for that. But mostly it's just not a thing I see her doing, or even considering doing.

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In our state there is immunity for reports made to licensing boards.

That's a good question. I don't know.

ya, one suggested i report her and find a new T, the other suggested that maybe the discord was due to my BPD and there is healing in working it out, and i should stay and try to.

Well I've got two years yet before I see a client, so I've got a timeline for figuring things out. And if I haven't by then, it'll be my choice to decide what step to take next, not hers.

I'm thinking of shifting full time to a new T through my insurance, and keeping her as cash pay once a month.

But if theres a way to work it out, I want to try to.

Work out what? What is your goal with this T? And more importantly, do you think this T shares the same goal?

Well, I think you're misunderstanding whatever info you're relying on. HHS is Health and Human Services. Psychology boards are separate entities, but their alliance with HHS varies acc to the state. Most now fall in line with HHS regulations because of insurance regulations. While you're a student, you're not providing care to others, so I think your T would not have immunity. But as soon as you are in a position to provide direct patient care, even before personal licensing, then I believe she would have immunity--because the "danger to others" trumps confidentiality.

this T has made statements to her that are pretty specific about her.