Struggling with guilt

I know a lot of you are upset with me. I'm sorry. I hope you'll still listen because I need to talk.

Last night, I drank way too much and I texted LCM some complete nonsense. She didn't respond until around 5am when she asked me "what is this? We need to talk". Later, I called her and she told me that my texts made her extremely nervous, upset, and kept her up worrying about me for hours. She told me we need to take a break from texting for a little while. I don't think that will last because she even said it will be hard for her to stop texting, but I respect that.

I feel... so incredibly guilty. I spent a good portion of the day crying from guilt. I never wanted to hurt her or keep her up or upset her. I still remember when she cried in session last November and broke my heart into a million pieces. Just remembering that makes me cry again and I feel so horrible for maybe hurting her again.

How do I make this right? I know to obviously respect her boundaries will help. I just feel so guilty and I don't know how to resolve that. I don't want to live with the guilt until Tuesday when I see her again.

It is very hard to watch someone you care about indulge in self-destructive behavior. LCM obviously cares about you. If she didn't she would have never told you how she felt.

The guilt you presently feel can motivate you to change and grow.

I once sent my T an email when I was drunk. I too felt very guilty about it and since then have been able to remind myself that my T has a right to a life away from their work.

So I agree with the above, use this opportunity to learn about yourself and how our behaviours can have an impact on those that we care about. Maybe it would be more worrying if you didn't feel guilty and couldn't give a damn about how this may have impacted in your T. So maybe see it as a good thing, that you now seem to regret the email.

For myself when I have done something I feel bad about, I also try to think what I could do differently next time. What was it that led me to drinking too much and then emailing T? What was I trying to achieve.

Don't give yourself too hard a time though, it's OK to forgive ourselves.

Take care - Soup

All LCM wants to see is you happy and healthy. Take some steps to show her you're making changes in order to progress.

That fact that she cares about you and you care about her are good things.

It's appropriate to feel the way you do, it just shows how much you care about her. There is no real quick fix. You may have to sit with your feelings until you talk to her. It's important to learn how to tolerate your feelings of discomfort. It's not easy, but doing so will show LCM how hard you are working.

Maybe writing out an apology will help get it out of your system so you can make it until Tuesday. Then, you could either just keep it or read it to her on Tuesday. It usually helps me to get all my feelings out even if it's on paper.

It's great that you recognize you didn't make the best decision and she doesn't seem mad at all. Now, you can talk to her about it.

As others have said, it is appropriate to feel the way you do, and this is an excellent opportunity for growth.

Perhaps you could write out an apology to LC and then the next time you meet her, either read her the apology or give it to her. This isn't something you can "fix" but you can apologize, recognize that what you did caused your T to feel worried, and try not to drink and then text her in the future.

It's important to recognize this as an opportunity for apology. Sometimes, things can't be fixed, only apologized for. After the apology, both of you can move forward.

I'm not a Christian, but I've always thought there was something to be said for "Go, and sin no more."

Guilt arises when we feel we have done something wrong. For me, I feel that the best thing to do with that guilt energy is to turn it into a dogged resolution to change, and not do that thing anymore. I think about the factors that led to my wrongdoing, and I try to figure out what I need to do to keep it from happening again.

Are you guys becoming codependent? I would watch out for that. Maybe find a CODA or al-anon meeting to go to.

What? I'm confused.

Enmeshed thru the drinking. You say youll stop, she gets upset, you feel guilty. It becomes a two-person problem instead of a one-person activity. A lot of ts will just say, you have to be sober for me to work with you. Otherwise its what dr phil calls a dual diagnosis - substance abuse and personality disorder (or whatever).

So im not sure what youre confused about. Is codependency a new term?

I have a dual diagnosis. But it's not codependency

Isn't codependency an AA/12 step term, not a psychology/psychiatry/DSM term?

There are only a 2 moments in life you always keep with you

1. Extremely selfish mistakes (like the one you wrote from above)
-which turns out to be embarrising,
-Putting a foot in your mouth
-Feeling guilty for doing/saying it
You try your hardest to forget about them, and they never GO AWAY!

What do you get out of these feelings though?
Learning from them. Life will go on, it sounds like she is a good friend and she just needs sometime and so do you. Letting go of guilt, takes time, but you will learn from it, or learn from it next time, because mistakes happen ALL THE TIME

the second thing you never forget through out life

Doing good for people without wanting anything in return

Haven't you ever helped a little old lady with her groceries or gave a compliment to a complete stranger? You don't forget them.

So what I'm saying is, maybe to get over the guilt is go out and help someone, volunteer, leave a nice message to someone you love, and do it daily so you can get over it, and that will only help you cope with your feelings, but also make you feel better and soon time will pass and you'll get back to being friends.

To be honest I did something very similar a long time ago with a friend, were still good friends, but time did have to pass. That feeling stayed with me forever, but finaly one night, after several months, I just said I was sorry from the bottom of my heart, he had forgotten about it, and he said I had shown I wasn't that way anymore, and he forgotten all about it.

Give it time dear.

Huh. All this therapy jargon is confused in my mind. No wonder my t looks at me funny sometimes. Yeah im a psychoanarchist! No rules!

Codependency is not a diagnosis just the type of Unheathy relationship. I lived With alcoholic, great man, loved me dearly we are still friends. But after over 8 years I had to leave.

We had the same cycle.

He drank did something dumb while drunk sobered up felt a lot of guilt tried to make it up to me I forgave he would try not drink sometimes quit for long stretches of time then always relapsed did something dumb again felt guilt etc etc

I Was in Al anon but he never looked for proper treatment like rehab or at least like AA. He knew he drank too much but refused to admit to himself the extend of addiction.

We totally had co dependent relationship and the only way out of it was for me to leave or for him not to drink since he wouldn't try anything serious to truly stop I left.

Have you considered stopping drinking? ( I am not saying stop drinking in groups of friends while at parties but drinking alone in your room and then posting or texting, nothing good comes out of it)

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It is not a new term

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read some of your posts--best thing is to apologise and move on. By moving on, I mean forgive yourself and learn from this mistake. No point dwelling on it as it cannot be changed look forward this is a growing thing we all go through.

I think that the best way you can make this right is to get help for your drinking-seeing as how your drinking is the thing that is causing you to send these upsetting texts. This would probably be the healthiest thing you could do for yourself.

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Guilt is a healthy emotion that alerts us to when we have done something wrong. It can motivate us to change and develop more appropriate ways of relating to others.

Buuut, you know, keep it in perspective. You did something she didn't like, she told you how she felt about it (upset) and what she wants to happen (take a break from texting).
You don't need to do anything to resolve this except to respect her boundary. And while you may feel some degree of guilt until next Tuesday it probably won't get any stronger than it is right now, and instead will likely lessen considerably between now and then. She will survive, and so will you.

I agree with this. You email, act, post in pretty upsetting ways when you are drinking. You drink to cope and it is causing you problems in your life.

I actually agree with this. I was looking up therapists who specialize in trauma and addiction when you posted this. I desperately need help and I know I need a real therapist, but I'm so so SO scared. I'm scared I'll get abandoned again, I'm scared that I won't be able to pay for it, I'm scared that I'll get attached again. I don't want to be attached to any mental health professional other than LCM. I feel like having feelings for another one would damage what I have with her.

I need help so badly. Everything I do is just a distraction from my real issues with trauma that hasn't actually been addressed yet. I can't grow as a person right now because of it. I can't take care of my body, love myself or even just not loathe myself, pursue relationships with men, improve my relationships with my friends, feel hopeful for the future, or sleep because of what happened to me. I just continually find myself trying to do anything I can to self medicate to distract from the memories and the feelings.

But I am personally so poor with so little support. I currently only make about $150 per two weeks and my parents are completely cutting me off on Jan 1, 2016. I feel so stuck and hopeless to the point where I don't always believe my life is worth fighting for. LCM and music are my only saving graces.

You might be able to get free therapy at your college? I know mine had free or very cheap (like 10 bucks) therapy options. Therapist I had had various specialties addiction was included etc check it out at clinic at your college. Therapy might be also covered by your health insurance. Mine is covered.

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I am seeing a counselor for free at school. She's useless and not helpful.

Yeah, I'm only looking into T's that take my insurance, but I'm still worried about paying the copay plus it drastically limits my search. Everyone I find tells me they can't help me.