Crying in Therapy

Springer · Apr 03, 2015, 08:59 AM

I'm wondering who else is out there having trouble really crying in session. My T is supportive and nice and I feel safe, however I seem to avoid really talking so as to avoid crying. I think that it will really be a breakthrough for me, but I just hold back. I'm think it has something to do with having "control", but not sure. Any suggestions?

Soccer mom · Apr 03, 2015, 09:11 AM

It might be a control issue. I don't cry and don't get to the point of feeling like I'm going to cry but I want to. My parents didn't allow me to cry in front of them - I was sent to my room. However, I can cry in front of certain people who seem to draw it out of me.

I guess what are you afraid of?

Knittingismytherapy · Apr 03, 2015, 09:12 AM

Nothing says that you have to cry in therapy. The bigger issue is that you are avoiding really talking so you don't cry. You're not getting the most you can out of therapy if you are avoiding things. I've cried a few times in session, though more just dripping tears and shaky voice than sobbing, but it took me a while to feel safe enough with the T to be vulnerable enough for that.

I recommend talking to your T about having problems talking about certain subjects because they are painful and you're holding yourself back because of how you feel about being vulnerable or losing control and crying. There is a lot of exploring that can happen there while you get used to the idea, and it might help you break that avoidance barrier. At least that is how I tend to bring things up that are hard to tak about and don't feel ready to talk about. I've actually said "I've been thinking about something lately and feel I need to talk about it but I'm not ready to talk yet, and just needed to talk about that".

Good luck!

stopdog · Apr 03, 2015, 09:13 AM

I don't cry and I don't want to - but there is a blogger on psych today who wrote about it

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...cry-in-therapy

(disclaimer - I hate this guy but his blog post is on topic)

Apr 03, 2015, 09:30 AM

I can't cry in therapy either. I don't like to look weak in front of other people. And I am also afraid of how my T will react. He has assured me it's not a big deal to cry, but I always stop myself when I feel the tears start to come.

SoupDragon · Apr 03, 2015, 09:54 AM

For me the barrier was not knowing how T would react.

Springer · Apr 03, 2015, 10:32 AM

It's definitely the vulnerability. I too never cried in front of my parents and they are the cause of most of my problems now.

WrkNPrgress · Apr 03, 2015, 10:46 AM

Everybody is different. Some people are outwardly expressive, some are inward. There's no right or wrong about it. I'm not a 'cryer' and tears don't come easily even when alone. I have watershed moments.

My Last personal session I was hurting so bad but still couldn't cry, I started to think about why I don't let myself cry more often and the implications it has for me and my mental and physical health. Meanwhile in couple counseling, I bawled.

Currently I'm thinking I need to be able to express my sadness and pain more easily when it comes because I'm tired of internalizing my pain and depression.

Now I take walks when I'm upset and, if I feel it there, try to open up to it and let it go. This takes time and I do it for myself, not because of some outside expectation.

Apr 03, 2015, 10:50 AM

I don't have a problem with crying. I don't sob or anything, just teary eyes and a runny nose. Some subjects have me crying almost instantly, even against my wishes.

I'd love to be in control of my tears, to be able to not cry when I don't want to.

musinglizzy · Apr 03, 2015, 04:52 PM

I HATE crying in therapy, but it's highly encouraged. I still fight it. My T used to sit by me and let me cry on her shoulder....but she stopped that, and I try harder than ever not to cry in there anymore. I know that support was available at one time and it helped me not feel so "dirty" about crying. Crying was a punishable offense when I was growing up, I guess it sort of just stuck with me. So honestly, the comfort and understanding I received while crying helped me feel more comfortable about letting it all go. But I hate to cry in front of people, and I rarely cry alone, either.

Apr 03, 2015, 05:21 PM

I don't cry. It is no big deal. For me, there does not seem to be any particular reason to want to do it (in therapy or outside it), and I don't understand why it would be highly encouraged if it is not part of what a person does. If I were to cry it would be an unnatural act for me, and therapy is (in my opinion) not a place to pretend to be somebody one is not.

My T has never seemed to think it necessary or recommended to cry.

stopdog · Apr 03, 2015, 07:02 PM

The first one used to try to get me to cry. She did say she thought it would be a good idea for me to cry at the appointment. I had to make her stop saying such things. It caused me to panic. The second said it was cruel to try to coerce a client into crying

Apr 03, 2015, 07:24 PM

I seem to find that certain antidepressants make it more difficult for me to cry. I do cry occasionally in therapy, usually just for a little while. I also had the muscles at the back of my neck spasm recently in therapy when I said something that triggered a painful feeling for me. It was really weird.

I think I need some massages.

Crying in Therapy

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