[dismantle.repair]

For years I've touted that I hate speaking. I hate speaking in public. It's hard. It hurts. My social anxiety soars. My performance anxiety overtakes my brain. I almost (if not do) have panic attacks. Sigh.

I went to a seminar where I was asked to speak. Wrote up a speech and everything. Guess who came to sit next to me? Guess who also had to speak?
It was an awkward moment.

T: DR! What are you doing here?
Me: *reads program* I suppose the same thing you are lol.
T: You ready for this? This crowd seems kinda nice.
Me: I'm heavily medicated for everyone's safety. Kinda wish I got drunk..
T: I'm kinda glad you didn't. You'll be fine.

She stayed, spoke before me (she usually disappears after she talks,) but she stuck around to hear me talk. It went ok. I didn't freeze up for too long. I was professional and cordial, I suppose.

Still so worried about next session. Now she'll probably think I'm a liar about the anxiety thing.

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

More likely she will think it significant that you managed your anxiety on this occasion, and success at your seminar will cast light on how anxiety works for you.

Funny how one can make successes into failures...

[WrkNPrgress]

Wow, no she won't think you're a liar. Do you have any idea how many public speakers actually suffer from the same phobia? PLENTY. You're not alone. Congratulate yourself on a job well done.

Well done! I find public speaking impossible - i simply refuse because i know the agony it puts me through. She'll probably be impressed, she won't think you are lying.

[stopdog]

The woman has not appeared to believe me when I told her about anxiety. She said I did not look anxious. I told her that her belief in something or lack of it did not change the facts. I now tell the other one I see about those things and not the one who is dismissive.

[musinglizzy]

In high school, one of the requirements for graduation was a speech class. I had to take it THREE YEARS in a row! My anxiety about speaking was that bad....I went through the class and at the end you had to perform a speech, a certain number of minutes long. I refused. Finally, the third year, I had a different teacher. A teacher who seemed to understand. She let me perform my speech in front of a camera. I finally passed speech class. Congrats to you for doing that!!! A couple years ago I went thru AA with a friend of mine. I don't drink, but went every Tuesday to her AA meetings (family night, she went four nights a week). When she"graduated," I wrote a speech, letting her know how proud I was. I managed to stand up and give it, she was shocked. The true gift wasn't in writing the speech, she knew it was in giving it in front of a room full of people. I was pretty proud of myself...

[winter4me]

Originally Posted by stopdog

The woman has not appeared to believe me when I told her about anxiety. She said I did not look anxious. I told her that her belief in something or lack of it did not change the facts. I now tell the other one I see about those things and not the one who is dismissive.

Appearance does not denote internal experience.
I am used to being told how calm I am-----even as I stand there in total panic, unable to sense my body from the waist down....oddly, I seem to seem calmer the more panicked I am. Minor nervousness is much more noticeable.
Also, my pulse and b/p go DOWN when I am in a panic...and I have had this checked by others----go figure.

[Fuzzybear]

Well done!

And - usually you don't have to worry about your T not believing you. You pay them to believe you.

[Ad Intra]

How did it turn out? What was your talk on?
I seriously doubt she'll think you're lying; I think it's more likely she'll praise you for speaking despite your fears.

[catonyx]

I am the same way... However, if I am talking for work, I can handle it just fine. Talking for work requires no emotion and it's straight facts. I recently had to represent my company at a hearing of sorts as the only speaker... And I did just fine. I always do. But put me in another situation and I'm socially inept and bordering on an anxiety attack.

Even in therapy, I have times where I get so worked up I can't speak. Yet, a hearing for work in front of many people and I am just fine.

[dismantle.repair]

It was just a welcome address to some colleagues that were now beginning. I think she spoke to them about time management (I was honestly too in my head to hear a word she or anyone else was saying.)
I did pretty ok though. I AM proud. I hate to let people know or see how I feel. So I did what I could to hide it

It was just funny because the two times we worked together before, I think I barely spoke a word.

[brillskep]

Originally Posted by stopdog

The woman has not appeared to believe me when I told her about anxiety. She said I did not look anxious. I told her that her belief in something or lack of it did not change the facts. I now tell the other one I see about those things and not the one who is dismissive.

She didn't believe you?! I find that so very odd. One doesn't have to look like a textbook example for anxiety to feel it. Good for you that you know how you feel and choose well who to share it with. But many people do need a validation from their therapist when sharing such feelings and experiences, and I find it outrageous that a therapist would respond that way.

[brillskep]

Sounds like your therapist was actually quite okay with it and supportive, I think congratulations are in order rather than starting to doubt you. From your quoted dialogue, your therapist actually sounds like she understood it was a big step for you. I wouldn't worry about it - sounds like a good experience of growth to me.