how long for transference to occur...

Just wondering..
in first 2 sessions i couldnt stop talking...like non stop..then i got quieter, and quieter as questions got harder. 5th session and i flat out refused to talk on a certain topic..AND an activity. I just said NO, cant do it.
I go in to talk to a proffessional...i dont think of him as my best friend type material YET. we did talk about this a little in session and i go the feeling...that i was holding off on the "process" in therapy. (as in content n process) maybe i was a bit uptight...the questions are so hard...i have never thought about them...and to have this T be so darn focussed on me is something extremely new and weird !!!!

how long would u give...to decide if its the right T. He is really good...i like him..but since i am not open as much as i should be...problem is on my part...not HIS. he feels i am bit formal maybe...
i have no idea what he reads in my body language...maybe something there clued him in..that THE PROCESS is not working !

Take a deep breathe. 5 sessions is not all that far in, and trust takes a while to to build. There is almost always a topic clients have trouble addressing. The challenge becomes making the relationship safe enough to explore those things. I've been seeing my current t for 4 months and we are still hitting points where I can't speak...
I would suggest talking to your t about it, and figuring out what blocks you. If you like your t, then is worth addressing. But I wouldn't stress too much about hitting bumps in the road. They are normal.

Two things - first, 5 sessions is really not that long...you're still figuring things out. If you like the therapist, stick with it, and talk with him about how you find it challenging to speak on certain topics. Maybe the T is moving too fast for you right now. When I feel like I'm stuck, I will talk to my T about feeling stuck and not being able to speak.

Second - I don't think transference always happens or even needs to for effective therapy. I do not view my T as anything other than a T. There has been no transference, but I've been working with her for almost 6 years and have made good progress in a number of areas. Sometimes, I'll be triggered in session and get T mixed up with other people, but she reminds me of where I am, who she is, etc, and I can usually manage to untangle things in my mind enough that I can see her for T again.

Hm, transference does not necessarily take place in a therapeutic relationship. Some Ts and/or clinicians put a lot of stock in this 'process' whereas others don't even believe in its existence..

I'd say give it some time. It is not easy to open up to a stranger and it takes time to build trust enough to reveal one's vulnerable core. Your instinct for self-preservation seems to be protecting you still. The trust will come if it feels right... if the T is trustworthy etc.

For me, the physical attraction was instant, when I saw a guy walking through the office. Then my heart sinks when he calls my name. Uh oh... but he seemed nice enough and knew what he was doing and was willing to help me after I sobbed out my story of why I'd ended up there after 9 years in some kind of wilderness.
The transference probably started in the 2nd session when i was looking at him and imagining him helping me with a particular issue (in an inappropriate way lol). Something that will not and should not happen.
The transference changes. Sometimes it's erotic. Sometimes I get angry because he looks like my father and my brother and his clinical approach to things drives me nuts. Like how he times sections of the session, is so organised, and very ethical and firm with his boundaries.
Last week it was negative because I felt like he was too powerful, and I didn't trust him because he has the power to put me in hospital if I feel I'm a danger to myself.
But then it was gooey and gushy because he said he was on my team and it was the last thing he would do because he believes I have strong protective factors that keep me following through. And he looked so human when I said that I'd given him the name of a different doctor because I didn't want him ringing my GP about my medication. I was worried they would decide to hospitalise me. Like there was this split second of being disappointed that I didn't trust him, then he was all business about putting together a plan for me to follow next time I found myself in a bad place.
So I'm just saying what mine's been like for me with this particular one.
With one other person, she was my mother figure.
With one T, she was like my best friend. Supportive, never judging, and always giving me tools to get better.
Other T's I had no feelings towards them. One I was upset with because I didn't feel heard. Some I just got frustrated with because the communication wasn't that great.

5 sessions isn't far in at all. i'd say the transference started about 2 weeks after i'd met her.

How do you actually recognize transference? It's normal that we transfer different feelings and attitudes towards different people (I know it's not a good explanation, but I hope you know what I mean). How is the transference during therapy different and how do you recognize that?

For me it was how long until I recognised it.

Agreed. 5 sessions is just starting to clear your throat....you have a lot of time yet. I remember noticing when I hit 50 sessions, and realizing I still didn't have it all figured out. It seemed like I just started. I've now been seeing my T for almost a year, mostly twice a week....and even STILL I have trust issues. But I like her and I see hope, and know it's just going to take time. Time goes by so slowly when you're waiting for it to heal something... it's just crawling for me lately. But then again, it's hard to believe next month will mark a year with my T. It does feel like I'm still getting to know her. 5 sessions in, I think I was just getting to the point of not feeling like I was going to throw up when I walked in the door. Now it's been almost a year...and I sometimes feel like I could throw up when I leave. Now that's progress! LOL

I have the same question. I feel free to tell my T anything but that's the way I am in any therapy. I get nervous because he's just a nice smart therapist. I told him I don't want him to be my mother, I don't want a hug from him, I'm getting nervous about that. He said there's different types of transference. Since this is how I'm in general and he knows this, the lack of feeling must be its own kind of transference.

I have had the small normal transference with someone I meet - they look like someone I know or act like them and I immediately respond/react with them as if they are that person. Until they don't laugh at a joke or something and it makes me realize - wait, you're not ____.

Then, there's the transference I've experienced in therapy. I had been to my T. for 5 years off and on for problem solving - maybe 6 times a year. My mom died so i had started going back to her. At first, I thought I just liked her a lot as a friend but then all these crazy emotions came out. The only way I know how to describe it is as if I was in love with her but I'm happily married to a man. The relationship brought out all these needs I had suppressed I guess for years. All of a sudden I wanted her to tell me she cared about me, would always be there for me, etc. And, I went from being very talkative in previous years to not being able to talk much at all (from problem solving to talking about ME). I finally confessed to her that I had all these strange emotions towards her and she mentioned the transference. Mine has been positive (wanting her to fulfill my needs my mother never did) and negative (SWEARING she was purposely acting like my mom to make me mad, really!). I all of a sudden don't want to tell her certain things worried that she'll judge me, abandon me, etc. (mom issue) and I watch her actions like a hawk because my mom was so unpredictable.

It is the craziest most out of control thing I have EVER been through. Fortunately, I had been to her before so it was obvious it was due to my mom's death. Now, it comes and goes. I can have weeks where I feel very normal feelings towards her and they other weeks that are emotional (convinced she really doesn't understand my pain - mom again).

She once told me that a response that is larger than the actual issue is probably transference. I can of course care about her as a person but then the "in love" feelings are the transference. I can be mad at her for something but then thinking she's purposely acting like my mom is the transference. It's an irrational response where in your every day life you wouldn't have the same reaction. Hope that explains it. And, it will be different for everyone.

I feel that the T is expecting more on the process..and it hasnt happened yet...maybe he feels we are the wrong fit...even went as far as saying..would u be more comfortable with a T that is of the same gender as you. i was like WHATT ????????? r u out of ur freakin mind..i am an adult..i can decide who i am comfortable talking to !
i dont know what he was trying to get at.....

i am doing therapy wrong..or what...? r we rushing the process? i shud be comfy and just talk talk talk talk talk..........

blechhhh

--> Soccer mom
Wow, many thanks for describing that in detail. I've read your post carefully, but I need to analyze it, I think.
Generally, I think I'm not afraid of transference. I can see I behave towards my terapist (I have similar feeling) like I behave towards other people (e.g. my mom), but I don't think it's transference.
Maybe I give you an example. During the last session I said I have a lot of doubts as regards therapy. I said I'm afraid it doesn't work, I feel worse and worse. My binge eating is getting worse. Generally, I'm afraid what I'm heading for. At the moment I'm afraid what my therapist thinks of me. I can see she's very committed to my therapy. I can see her committment, her efforts to help me. However, I constantly reject that. I can see a resemblence to my mom. My mom tries to have a good relationship with me, but I reject that. I have never wanted her to hug me (even when I was a child, I still don't know why), I cannot talk to her openly, I don't like talking to her. On the other hand, she's very important to me. I can see she cares for me (I know that and I know I'm an important person or her).
Is that a kind of transference?