[Griff2015]

So today my T told me she is leaving in a month and will be gone for 6 weeks. I have been seeing her weekly for 4 months. This is my first time to be in therapy.

When she told me I sort of stopped breathing. I was in a very, very dark hole for months and am just starting to climb out of it...although some days my feet slip and I fall down a little...but not yet back to the bottom of the pit. So it feels like terrible timing. I will also be making a big life change while she is gone. While I fully support her need/right to take a break and refresh, I am scared!!!!

She asked me how I felt about it and I couldn't really respond. So she said that her preference was for me to see one of her colleagues while she was gone and that she doesn't like email because the meanings and tones can get so confused. I am not sure I want to see her colleague. It took me a really long time to break down walls and talk to my T. Plus it seems weird for them to be talking together about my "stuff"...like having a side conversation about me. Maybe I am just being paranoid but it just feels a bit strange. T said it might be good to get a second point of view but it makes me feel a bit icky to think of them discussing the crazy in my head. Also, the thought of starting over/opening up to a substitute T for only 6 weeks sounds exhausting.

On the other hand, I am not sure I would do very well just left on my own for 6 weeks at this point. Or that I wouldn't just quit altogether...which would not be good for me.I know I need to be there.

Any advice would be so appreciated. We are going to discuss this again next week as I asked to think about it.

[NowhereUSA]

You know, you don't have to open up totally or even at all with her colleague. You might just go and have a chat about books or movies or whatever - and just take the opportunity to know that *if* you need someone, you have someone you can talk to.

But it's not easy. I wanted to kick my T's colleague in the teeth So. There's that too LOL.

[clairelisbeth]

My T just left to go on an 8 week maternity leave, so I really, really empathize.

[musinglizzy]

My T went away last summer after only seeing her for two months. I knew it was going to be tough, and every emotion went through my head, and yeah, I wanted to quit. I didn't want to deal with any other emotions than those I was already dealing with. When she returned from this trip, she was going to be back a couple weeks, then gone again. It just wasn't the consistency I was looking for, and I didn't take it as well (brushing it off) as I thought I would. I SERIOUSLY wanted to quit. I would keep the colleague's contact info, maybe try him/her out. At least you were offered that. Also, this most certainly won't be your T's last break...so might not be a bad idea to get to know him/her a little bit.

The one thing I DID have is Email. My T encouraged it. In fact, she checked in with me. So I was thankful to have that contact if I needed it.

Keep a journal. Start a letter to your T, and add to it whenever you feel the need. Things you might bring up during a session. That way too, if there's something you know you'll want to bring up when T returns, you will have it there, with fresh emotion included. After 4-6 weeks, even 2, you may minimize the feelings. Writing to your T will help you unload, and maybe help still feel connected. But I think the thought of quitting is pretty normal in a situation like this.

My t has been out of the country for three and a half YEARS. It is very hard to not have her physical presence. Impossible sometimes. My heart aches with loneliness because i miss her so much.
Advice: try to stay busy. Try a new hobby. Read a lot. Take lots of naps. Go for walks. Listen to a lot of music to try to keep the despair out of your thoughts. Do anything you can to pass the time.

[Griff2015]

Nowhere: You're right, I have a tendency to engage in "all or nothing" thinking but I guess I could just chat about random things and have someone in place for support if needed. I just know I will feel so awkward and squirmy with someone new!

Did you feel awkward knowing that they are both discussing your case, thoughts, sessions, etc. when your T got back? It just seems weird to have two T's sharing their perspective on me... maybe I am making too big of a deal of that part though.

Musinglizzy: That's is a good suggestion--to write things down. I tend to minimize my feelings as well. I had a three week break (which was tough enough!) and by the time I saw her I couldn't really think of what to say--none of what had happened during that period seemed to matter much. Creeping thoughts "Things are not going to get better, therapy is a waste, I am not going back" after only that short break so I DO think it would be good to stay connected to a substitute T, but it also just sounds hard and uncomfortable.

Clairelisbeth: Thanks for the good thoughts--sorry you are struggling with this as well.

[Griff2015]

Originally Posted by Starry_Night

My t has been out of the country for three and a half YEARS. It is very hard to not have her physical presence. Impossible sometimes. My heart aches with loneliness because i miss her so much.
Advice: try to stay busy. Try a new hobby. Read a lot. Take lots of naps. Go for walks. Listen to a lot of music to try to keep the despair out of your thoughts. Do anything you can to pass the time.

I don't know how you DO that! Kudos to you!

[NowhereUSA]

Originally Posted by Griff2015

Nowhere: You're right, I have a tendency to engage in "all or nothing" thinking but I guess I could just chat about random things and have someone in place for support if needed. I just know I will feel so awkward and squirmy with someone new!

Did you feel awkward knowing that they are both discussing your case, thoughts, sessions, etc. when your T got back? It just seems weird to have two T's sharing their perspective on me... maybe I am making too big of a deal of that part though.

Oh that's a complicated answer.

I do DBT and my T is a DBT T. So that means that consultation is a normal part of the process. He's talked about me with other Ts for years at this point because the idea behind it is that Ts need support so they can best support the client (and some other stuff).

I've never really "liked" it but I've accepted it. If he were going to be gone for an extended period of time, I'd work with him to pick out one of his colleagues to meet with while he was gone. It wouldn't be my first choice, but I know I need the support and I probably wouldn't be real open, but at least I'd keep the door cracked if that makes sense.

[divine1966]

Mine is often gone for like 3-4 weeks at a time. I hate it. Every time it happens something goes wrong with me. Once I was so manic that I got hooked with a VERY wrong dude and the other time she was gone I was scammed for large amount of money. I am allowed to call but feel shy doing so. I hate when she is gone

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[Tangerine87]

I am scared of t's vacation notice. It hasn't come but I feel like it will. I'm not in the best place for it.

[SoupDragon]

Sorry you are facing this. I'd just use the 2nd T as a safety net to talk about current stuff including how you are coping with your T being away. I'm sure as T's they treat sharing info about you sensively. Maybe you could clarify what they will share?

Soup

[iheartjacques]

First summer with him, was only a 4 week break. Last summer was 8 weeks. I had to try to switch off my thoughts to get away from myself. Drinking, reading, swimming, mindless tv, online games, etc for distraction. Nearly went out of my mind in the last two weeks. Especially since the office didn't forward my email about a medical certificate. I hope you do better than me

Last summer I made a plan where every week of T's break had something new and different for me: this week I'm going to read that book, this week I'll travel to that place, this week I'll work on that project. I also included some boring but necessary things - this week I'll buy new clothes, this week I'll sort through the paperwork on my desk - which made me feel mildly accomplished afterwards.

((((((((((griff)))))))))