Feelings for T are getting stronger

As you might know, my therapy is almost ending. Not long before I see my T for the very last time. I'm really hurt and grieving, but that's not what this thread is about.

It seems like my feelings for T are getting stronger, ever since we set the date for our final appointment. I miss my T more than ever and I want him to hold me and never let me go. Is that transference? I've never felt it this strong, it kinda scares me.

Does anyone recognise this, maybe from when you're T was going away for a longer period of time?

Yeah. 2 t's ago...
sorry, not very talkative right now, but can relate.

When one of my Ts left after many years I felt like this like I never wanted to let her go. I think I hugged her 14 times. You are not alone in this.

Whenever I make up my mind to terminate with my T, my feelings for him get exponentially stronger to the point where I have to remove the thought from my head. Hence, I believe, I will never leave him.

(((coco)))

Thanks everyone, I appreciate it!

It's okay ThisWayOut. Maybe you can tell me some other time? Don't feel obliged, only if you want to.



That must be very difficult for you too. Did you tell your T when you wanted to terminate? How did he react?

I did terminate once, over a year ago. I went back with my tail between my legs after 5 very difficult weeks and confessed my transference. Later on I told him I was attached and needed help letting go. He understood and said he would help me. It has not happened yet. I cannot fathom the thought. I have a very happy normal life, nothing else serious going on. I just wish I didn't have to see him every week. It's so confusing!

Yes, i understand. It is too upsetting for me to talk about still. You are not alone.

Be CAREFUL. They use that transference to kep you and your $$$$$ coming back. Remember they make $$$$$ off our pain. The more they can get us attached the ball goes in their pocket.

When you terminated over a year ago, did you work towards a goodbye with your T? I find it very helpful I can talk to him about it, I feel validated and supported and it's really good for closure. Without closure I can't move on.

Your T should encourage you to end therapy when you don't need it anymore. That's his job. You deserve to be cut lose.

Thank you. I'm sorry you're still upset.

I'm disgusted by therapists who take advantage of people in need. So sorry you had to go through this.

I know my T isn't like this. When I wanted to cut back the frequency bc I was getting ready to end therapy, he was okay with it. And when I recently suggested extra sessions for working towards goodbye, he wasn't sure it would benefit me. Sometimes it's hard to see he does this is my best interest and not because he's tired of me, LOL

My T takes relatively long summer breaks. Before last summer - when I would not be seeing him for ten weeks - I had much stronger transferential feelings than usual. I even started having dreams/nightmares about my dad (whose death triggered the depression that eventually made it necessary for me to go to therapy). So, yes, I think I can relate a little.

I'm sorry you're going though this. I hope you can get a good closure, and even if you will miss your T a great deal, that you can still feel that it is possible for you to cope with the feelings.

I also wonder if my T is taking advantage of my weakness by stringing me along. He has told me I can go whenever I want. I'm in charge. But, I really am not, I cannot detach. It's unbearable. He suggested I try visits every other week and then sees my distress and says we still have work to do. I agree, but when will it end? It gets easier with time, but as soon as I think I'm ready to fly, I go into a panic.

My T does so much for me and my family, i doubt this is a grand plan to make lots of money. it does not matter really because i will never know the truth. He's my T, i pay him. He's not my friend, i can leave whenever i want. That's the deal. Such a weird situation.

Ten weeks is very long! Mine takes three weeks tops. How do you cope? And did you tell about the increased feelings? What did he say about it?

I was really stressed too when I started seeing my T less. BUT he helped me get through this. He knew I was ready to take this step so he gave me the encouragement I needed when I wanted to give in (I could call and email him in between sessions - which I did, a lot). Also he was there for me when I was feeling sad and missing him. I've never experienced a loss like this, so it was good to have my feelings validated.

Maybe he's too involved with you and your family? Maybe he acts more like a friend than a professional?

AThree weeks would be below the legally stipulated minimum holiday here and I would not want that for my T, so my expectations are a little different.

That being said, I don't exactly enjoy my T's long holidays. He took nine weeks off last summer, and my own holiday did not quite overlap, that's why the break was ten weeks. He acknowledges my feelings about it but there is nothing he can do - his holiday times are what they are, and if were to start changing those on my account it would be rather iffy, boundary-wise. I have to get through it alone, there is no alternative, so that's what I do. But it is hard.

Maybe it's safer to feel the feelings now you're ending?

I'm sorry, I don't understand what you're saying. Could you explain?

The feelings were there at that intensity all along, but you split them off as it's scary to have them whilst with the T.
Now you won't be seeing your T anymore, the need to split them off has left and so, wham! There they are. maybe?

That's a good question Mouse. Maybe there's some truth to it. I'm not sure, but come to think of it, I might have had some stronger feelings before, only for a short period of time. I think I suppressed them back then, and now I am not. Now I allow myself to feel them. I'm not sure why. Perhaps because it makes me feel connected?