[ThingWithFeathers]

In talking about my parents, my t said that I have more of a trauma response in relation to my mother than I do my father. I grew up in a really disfunctional and abusive family, and have always overtly seen my father as the cause of much of the abuse and disfunction. I did tell her last session though that my mother would touch me inappropriately when I was little, so maybe she's just piecing it all together. I think my t is right, but I'm not entirely sure what she meant. Any ideas?

maybe she thought because you were the first one to bring up the abuse from your mother, it had affected you more. or it may just have been a passing comment.

[ThisWayOut]

On the face of it, I would say she meant to point out that you react stronger to your mother than you do to your father. I'm assuming she said that because she's witnessed more extreme reactions around the topic of her?
she's really the best one to ask though.
Fwiw, sometimes it's hard to see the parent we viewed as "safer" growing up with a new perspective later on when other understanding comes to light. I have always viewed my father as the abusive one. He was always loudest and most obvious about it. Lately though, living with my mom again, I'm seeing the more subtle abuse from her. It's difficult to accept because my belief that she was safer was what kept me going as a kid. Now I just see they are both really broken and damaged by life... neither is really safe. They're just reacting to life how they always have.
It's a ****** realization...

No, I don't see the usefulness in her statement.

The only way to know is to ask. And I also don't see any usefulness in what she said.

[LonesomeTonight]

It could be she thinks you need to talk more about your mother, that there may be feelings there that you need to deal with.
You mention how you thought your father was the more abusive one. Is it possible you were upset with your mother for not protecting you from that?

[ThingWithFeathers]

Originally Posted by ThisWayOut

On the face of it, I would say she meant to point out that you react stronger to your mother than you do to your father. I'm assuming she said that because she's witnessed more extreme reactions around the topic of her?
she's really the best one to ask though.
Fwiw, sometimes it's hard to see the parent we viewed as "safer" growing up with a new perspective later on when other understanding comes to light. I have always viewed my father as the abusive one. He was always loudest and most obvious about it. Lately though, living with my mom again, I'm seeing the more subtle abuse from her. It's difficult to accept because my belief that she was safer was what kept me going as a kid. Now I just see they are both really broken and damaged by life... neither is really safe. They're just reacting to life how they always have.
It's a ****** realization...

Thank you for sharing, TWO. Yes, I think there is a strong element of that going on for me at the moment. I've always lived believing a lot of my mother's lies, and am just figuring her out. She's had a tight hold on me, especially as an adult, but there's so much unacknowledged trauma in our relationship. As I'm figering out more about her, the more I realise she is a stranger to me. Her actions, and complete inaction, throughout my childhood are only just coming to light for me. My father is a changed person, my mother continues on a path of denial and destruction.

[ThingWithFeathers]

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

It could be she thinks you need to talk more about your mother, that there may be feelings there that you need to deal with.
You mention how you thought your father was the more abusive one. Is it possible you were upset with your mother for not protecting you from that?

Yes, absolutely. Especially the lack of protection from, and protection of, my older brothers, who abused me far worse than my father did. That just kills me. They're her sons, but they're my abusers - there's no reconciling that

((((((ThingWithFeathers))))

^ I understand... the family ties can be so horrible

[ThingWithFeathers]

Originally Posted by Annaflower

((((((ThingWithFeathers))))

^ I understand... the family ties can be so horrible

Yeah, it's so hard to break them too. I know I'd be healthier on my own.