[laxer12]

What holds you back from opening up to people? Are you afraid of them finding out something about you? Are you afraid that they don't really care? Or is it something else?

[lostwonder]

I fear rejection. I fear they will find out how horrid I am. I fear that I will find out that no one cares for me only about what I can do for them.

[JustShakey]

I'm terrified of something... That I'll do it wrong, that I'll ask too much of them, that they'll think I'm disgusting, that they'll ask too much of me and then hate me when I can't give them what they want, that they'll force me to be what they want, that they'll use me up and then leave me when I have nothing left...
Whoa... Wasn't expecting that...

[dj315]

My fear is that they won't care or what I want to talk about isn't that important. I'm afraid of being too needy and burdening people. But it's really, really hard to pinpoint what holds me back in opening up to people even though I've discussed it ad nauseam in therapy. Somewhere along the way I just stopped trusting that people want to hear what I have to say. Being a pretty shy introvert my whole life hasn't really helped that situation either.

Do you mean opening up in therapy or with people in general?

[laxer12]

Originally Posted by puzzle_bug1987

Do you mean opening up in therapy or with people in general?

People in general. I ask because my T told me to think about this in-between sessions and I'm not sure what my answer is.

Is it something you would want to do?

[laxer12]

Originally Posted by Mastodon

Is it something you would want to do?

It's something that I struggle with. I don't want to open up to everyone but it takes me a long time to get comfortable with people. I just recently moved and I don't really have anyone in my life right now that I'm close to since my previous friendships/relationships are changing and I haven't found someone here who I feel like I can confide in. My T serves that role for me right now but I don't want to become dependent on her as I know it won't last forever.

[musinglizzy]

Fear of being judged, I suppose.

[Coco3]

Therapy changed me very much, opening up is way easier than it used to be. My biggest problem was that deep down I didn't feel worthy of anything and anyone. I was afraid of being judged, being laughed at, I feared that nobody would like me anymore if I put myself out there. Well that did happen so many times that I'd come to believe it.

fear of opening up to people who are significant to me, much more than with those who are not.
I internalised my sadistic mother as laughing at me. I fear that.

I don't think it is bad to be cautious about opening up to new people. I think it's good common sense.

[nervous puppy]

My fears have pretty much been summed up by earlier posts. Fear of rejection, that I won't be able to explain it right (that I'll do it wrong), that they will be disgusted with me, that they won't want to be around me any more, that I will be "shunned". I don't want to risk being hurt. The fear of the unknown reaction that they might have. Fear that my feelings are stupid, dumb, crazy, etc...
I have a problem opening up to my husband of 26 years because of those fears. Fear that his rejection can hurt me.
I still have a problem with it in therapy, but I'm really making more of an effort now to work on it.

Originally Posted by puzzle_bug1987

I don't think it is bad to be cautious about opening up to new people. I think it's good common sense.

I could not agree more. That's why I asked whether the OP wanted to do it - in my world, it's definitely not something that you would automatically want to do. But sometimes Ts recommend things for us that have very little to do with what we really need or want for ourselves, and this could have been such a thing, from the original post.

[peaches100]

I'm afraid of opening up to people and coming to care a lot about them, and then having them reject me, find somebody else they like better and abandon me, take advantage of me. or betray my trust. I've also had friends misunderstand my intentions or impute bad motives to me that just weren't there.

I've had a lot of bad experiences over the years with friends where I felt that I truly cared about them and tried to be a good loving friend, but ended up being treated badly. I've had some really good friends too. But it's the few very bad ones that have been so traumatic and hurtful that I'm almost phobic now of getting close to anybody. I don't know why, but it seems like people have a hard time understanding who I am inside.

[laxer12]

Originally Posted by Mastodon

I could not agree more. That's why I asked whether the OP wanted to do it - in my world, it's definitely not something that you would automatically want to do. But sometimes Ts recommend things for us that have very little to do with what we really need or want for ourselves, and this could have been such a thing, from the original post.

I think my T is more trying to get at the underlying beliefs I have about myself that cause me to put up a wall with people. Not that I should open up to anyone and everyone, but realizing what holds me back.