[musinglizzy]

I'm really having a hard time talking in therapy lately. Like I just don't have anything to talk about.... I'm in this lull, and feeling guilty my T is having to run these sessions and pull stuff out of me. I WANT to be more engaged... I just don't know what to talk about that we haven't already......

[PinkFlamingo99]

There's times it's naturally harder to be as engaged... Like when you're hurt or worried about the relationship for one. Plus therapy isn't linear you know? Some sessions are less meaningful than others. I used to find after I had a really meaningful one, the next one would be blah.

Sounds like you are feeling things just aren't right with your T after what happened? Some ruptures seem to bring us closer to our T's, it sounds like this hasnt happened with you? I know you said you were going to try and move on from it, but would it help to discuss with your T again, does she have any ideas how to deal with it? Do you definitely feel it is worth carrying on with her, it doesn't sound like your therapy is being helpful at present?

[stopdog]

I would take a break to sort things out and to see if I could come up a new one of those guys who might work better or see if I could figure a way to make the old one useful still. I have never, ever, hd a fight with a therapist (I find the word rupture to be absurd) that made things better with them. Fights have changed things, but never one that brought me closer to a therapist.

[Gavinandnikki]

Originally Posted by musinglizzy

I'm really having a hard time talking in therapy lately. Like I just don't have anything to talk about.... I'm in this lull, and feeling guilty my T is having to run these sessions and pull stuff out of me. I WANT to be more engaged... I just don't know what to talk about that we haven't already......

I would not be able to get past the withdrawal of her touch. And her refusal to continue to discuss for as long as you needed. If my therapist had done this - moot point as she never touched me- I'm not sure it wouldn't have been a deal breaker for me.

Even if every session for the next year was only about that one (huge imo) topic. It's your therapy.

I am sorry. I hope things get better.

[musinglizzy]

Stopdog and Puzzlebug, let me just say...I wish I had the attitude both of you do.

I really have become more depressed, and recently was put on an antidepressant again. I'm withdrawing from friends and family, and getting irritated instead of touched when they contact me letting me know they miss me and want to see me. I'm enjoying a fairly solitary life right now, and don't realize how much time has gone by until I get a text/Email/Facebook message nagging me that they haven't heard from me.

I don't believe it was completely this issue, but it was the trigger that caused something that might have happened anyway. I'm having a hard time with myself... I'm not a successful person with a "career," I live paycheck to paycheck, unschooled beyond high school and just have a negative self image. But that's the way I was raised. These are the things that make me cry in therapy, therefore I haven' tbrought them up. I have not cried in therapy once (with twice a week sessions) since the second week in March. Since we last discussed this whole thing. I'm like shut down. I WANT to make it work with her... so I need to figure this out.

[stopdog]

To make something work other than submission- both parties have to have an interest in doing so - the therapist here seems to have a my way or highway approach. It would not work for me.
Good luck with it.

[JaneTennison1]

You are shut down because she shut you down. It's your dime, you should be allowed to discuss whatever issue is causing you pain. The key to being able to trust and be vulnerable enough to discuss everything lies in her ability to listen and sit with how you feel and even then it may not be enough.

My T had a recent bout of not seeming like she cared. She apologised, we sat with it and still spiraled into termination because I just can't now I know how quickly care goes away. Until you are able to discuss the heart of the issue with her you are not able to move on. Good luck!

[mountain human]

Originally Posted by musinglizzy

I'm really having a hard time talking in therapy lately. Like I just don't have anything to talk about.... I'm in this lull, and feeling guilty my T is having to run these sessions and pull stuff out of me. I WANT to be more engaged... I just don't know what to talk about that we haven't already......

That's when I knew it was time to take a break--when we were re-hashing the same things, covering the same ground. I have the tools I need, I just need to stay motivated.

[musinglizzy]

Originally Posted by mountain human

That's when I knew it was time to take a break--when we were re-hashing the same things, covering the same ground. I have the tools I need, I just need to stay motivated.

THanks, that's how I feel. Re-hashing the same things, covering the same ground. She says we need to talk about things over and over again to make peace when them...but I'm bored! Yet like the poster said about her shutting me down, yeah, she did. Apparently THAT didn't count when she made her rule to talk about things over and over. I've been sitting, not bringing it up, for awhile now. Maybe it's time I get the nerve. I understand they have a right to make up their own boundaries, but if she offers something, knowing she will be taking it away again, she should have told me. I never would have allowed it to start. I would have been ok with her at least talking to me about it when she made the change, instead of just letting me figure it out for myself.

I am now constantly questioning myself... is she going to take away other contact options? Is she going to take away my second weekly session if I can't talk? Is she thinking about terminating me if I can't get past this?

[musinglizzy]

Well I nearly canceled my session tomorrow but I chickened out. Figured if I didn't go, I'd regret it. I suppose half the work is just showing up!