[emptyspace]

.
.... Does anyone else feel like "just a paycheck?" to your T?

If you don't feel like a paycheck, can you share why?

[divine1966]

What do you mean?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[stopdog]

I guess you mean to a therapist? I actually have no problem with the fact the woman only sits there because I pay her. I generally don't dislike students and enjoy being a professor, but I wouldn't teach if they didn't pay me. I want my clients to win and I often believe they are being oppressed, but I would not represent them for free.
I like that the woman gets paid to stay back. It means I don't have to worry at all about her or anything about her. It would bother me greatly if the woman considered me anything other than a job. I want her to stay back and out of my real life.

[divine1966]

I am with stopdog on this. I love my students, but I wouldn't do it if I wasn't paid as I need to pay bills! Now I of course do things for them for free too like tutor for free etc but in general I wouldn't spend all day with them for free. That would be weird

So my t does it because it is her job. It is what it is.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Partless]

Originally Posted by divine1966

I love my students, but I wouldn't do it if I wasn't paid as I need to pay bills!

I imagine a small number of people somehow don't know that therapists have personal lives and have bills to pay. But for most people this is not the issue in my opinion. I think what they want from therapists is something more personal and more dependent on nature of the relationship, than is of a professor or teacher teaching the students about theories and techniques.

In therapy for many it's their worth and value that is on the line. Especially for people who have been traumatized and abused (like me). Granted, a smaller number of people go for therapy just to learn basics about how to relate to people or get over phobia of, say, snakes. Pure CBT, time limited, done and done.

But many who go for therapy are first and foremost in need of validation. Their soul brimming with pain and lots of "how could s/he do this to me?" or "how could God/universe allow such thing to happen to me?" For many it's a question of whether living life is worth it. Whether they have any worth. When you look at family or lover or life that screwed you over, it's easy to come to believe you must be **** because you have been treated like ****.

So you go to a therapist. What you want from this person is a kind of deep validation of your value as a human being (it is actually frightening to really think about the power of what it is you want from a T). But that's what you end up asking for. That the person is getting paid to see you, that can be a huge threat to honesty of answer you hear. You want the person who heard the most personal details of your life, your fears, your shameful actions, your desire for death, your vengeful feelings...you want this person to validate you, a validation that even people who gave birth to you may not have provided you, a validation you may not have even received from God/universe, given how you were treated.

The therapist has to really convince you that you matter. It's not easy. Some therapists never succeed. Patients most in need of such honest validation are also exceptionally good at reading therapists. They know when a therapist doesn't really mean it. Sometimes they make the therapist really work for it, really get naked, no more ********, no techniques, just human to human, to say you matter...and mean it!

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Partless

I imagine a small number of people somehow don't know that therapists have personal lives and have bills to pay. But for most people this is not the issue in my opinion. I think what they want from therapists is something more personal and more dependent on nature of the relationship, than is of a professor or teacher teaching the students about theories and techniques.

In therapy for many it's their worth and value that is on the line. Especially for people who have been traumatized and abused (like me). Granted, a smaller number of people go for therapy just to learn basics about how to relate to people or get over phobia of, say, snakes. Pure CBT, time limited, done and done.

But many who go for therapy are first and foremost in need of validation. Their soul brimming with pain and lots of "how could s/he do this to me?" or "how could God/universe allow such thing to happen to me?" For many it's a question of whether living life is worth it. Whether they have any worth. When you look at family or lover or life that screwed you over, it's easy to come to believe you must be **** because you have been treated like ****.

So you go to a therapist. What you want from this person is a kind of deep validation of your value as a human being (it is actually frightening to really think about the power of what it is you want from a T). But that's what you end up asking for. That the person is getting paid to see you can be a huge threat to honesty of answer you hear. You want the person who heard the most personal details of your life, your fears, your shameful actions, your desire for death, your vengeful feelings...you want this person to validate you, a validation that even people who gave birth to you may not have provided you, a validation you may not have even received from God/universe, given how you were treated.

The therapist has to really convince you that you matter. It's not easy. Some therapists never succeed. Patients most in need of such honest validation are also exceptionally good at reading therapists. They know when a therapist doesn't really mean it. Sometimes they make the therapist really work for it, really get naked, no more ********, no techniques, just human to human, to say you matter...and mean it!

Well my relationship with my kids is way more personal than teaching them techniques. I am a special Ed high school teacher and manage my case load anywhere between 4 to 6 years until they graduate and often remaining in their lives after that , being way more to them than somebody who teaches theories of some sort.

With full confidence I can say I made a difference in their lives yet I would not do without pay check.

I am aware that my t needs her pay check,

I am not entirely sure most people do realize that therapists do have lives and have bills to pay. Many are totally devastated that their therapists have kids, families, spouses, have any kind of lives outside of therapy etc the way kids often don't believe their teachers have lives.

I teach high school and many of my students are adults (up to 26) yet they sometimes have hard time believing that I might have a life outside of school, have a significant other go places do stuff etc

So I am not that sure most people realize their Ts are just regular every day folks who need to get paid.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

JUST a paycheck -- no. But I'm definitely part of his income. That's okay. That is his profession and how he lives. But, like Divine is saying, it is completely possible for a therapist to care AND need the paycheck. It isn't like he'd do it for nothing; the man has to live. I have no doubt my T cares about me in the context of my therapy--even somewhat outside therapy at this point (we've known each other a long time and the caring is probably a bit deeper than with a client he might not have known and worked with as long). I know that even now that I don't see him often, he still cares about me and my family, even if we don't communicate regularly. But still, he won't be doing therapy with me for free; my therapy sessions provide part of his income.

[AllHeart]

Definitely not just a paycheck. I contribute to her income, yes, and I am happy to do so. I feel like I am buying my T's time and expertise, but the loving care she gives is something that cannot be bought.

[Soccer mom]

Shoot - I read a great online post about this topic from a therapist. wish I could remember it.

[musinglizzy]

I don't see myself as just a paycheck. My T charges $150 per session. My insurance pays $135. My T even waived my $15 copay, because I know she cares. Do I feel guilty? Yeah. I feel like a charity case. But am thankful, nonetheless. Trying to put myself in her shoes, my gosh, she has a hard job. Probably thankless at times, probably very challenging, dealing with so many different personalities. Ts are probably also under some pressure knowing they hold the hearts of many of their clients in the palm of their hand. I will admit there have been times I've tried to talk myself into being "just a paycheck," but I work with elementary kids. I LOVE them. I love my job. But, if I weren't getting paid, I'd need to work somewhere where I was. We all have bills. I had a dr. appt today. My MD told me something she told her son. "We all poop on the potty, no matter who or what we are." It's true. So what if I'm funding my T's toilet paper. I can go home from work and have fond thoughts of the kids I work with. My T, however, or any T...I would bet a fair number of them go home and some clients still pop into their head. I've been having a rough time in sessions lately, and she's told me she has been "musing" (interesting word choice, I hope she doesn't see me on here!) over how to better handle my sessions. I was touched she was thinking about that over the weekend, but also felt guilty about it. My T is also very generous with out-of-session contact. But even those who aren't... I'm sure some thought goes into work even during their personal time. So I think it's worth it. So, for my T, my time with her doesn't end when the session is over. She is always there. She has even checked in with me from vacation on the other side of the world. Stuff like that is pretty priceless if you ask me.

ETA- and if you think of the cost involved in them even becoming a T....I think it's surely worth it. My T is a psychologist...I'm sure her schooling was quite expensive.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I also am glad my T gets paid. I don't like the handing over of money, that feels awkward, but I don't mind paying her... if that makes any sense. I actually feel bad that she sees me at a reduced rate and plan on paying her the full amount if/when I can afford it. Of course, I wouldn't pay her or see her if I didn't find her helpful.

But I also wouldn't stand for just being a paycheck. For me, I want my T to invest some of herself into the relationship. I prefer therapy to be a two-way street, a partnership. So if I felt like I was just her job, I would leave.

[emptyspace]

Originally Posted by musinglizzy

I don't see myself as just a paycheck. My T charges $150 per session. My insurance pays $135. My T even waived my $15 copay, because I know she cares. I've been having a rough time in sessions lately, and she's told me she has been "musing" (interesting word choice, I hope she doesn't see me on here!) over how to better handle my sessions. I was touched she was thinking about that over the weekend, but also felt guilty about it. My T is also very generous with out-of-session contact. But even those who aren't... I'm sure some thought goes into work even during their personal time. So I think it's worth it. So, for my T, my time with her doesn't end when the session is over. She is always there. She has even checked in with me from vacation on the other side of the world. Stuff like that is pretty priceless if you ask me.

But how many T's do this? Waive co-pays? Call from vacation? Generous with out of session contact?
You're not just a paycheck when you have things like that.

Originally Posted by emptyspace

But how many T's do this? Waive co-pays? Call from vacation? Generous with out of session contact?
You're not just a paycheck when you have things like that.

My T doesn't wave copays, call from vacation, or have generous out of session contact, but I still am not just a paycheck. I am part of his paycheck, but I am quite comfortable with knowing he cares about my well-being and my family, and that caring extends beyond my paid sessions.

I'm wondering why this is crossing your mind and what kind of "proof" you are looking for as evidence that you are more than just a paycheck to your therapist.

This might sound awful, but to me it makes the "playing field" of therapy even. I don't have to feel guilty about taking up their time because I am paying for it. And in some ways they need me as much as I need them (need isn't exactly the right word, but whatever). They need my money. I need them to listen to me. Ugh. It sounds awful.

[guilloche]

I have such mixed feelings on this. EmptySpace, you know - my T is really expensive, much more than what other local Ts cost, and doesn't take insurance.

It just makes it so hard. I think he has a lot of clients that are paid more than me (doctors and lawyers), and a lot of them are married (dual incomes). For me, it's such a big chunk of my take-home pay that it really does affect my budget/savings. I used to feel like I was doing well with money, I had enough left over at the end of every month to put away in savings. Now, I don't. It's scary and nervewracking and stressful (I'm having dreams about losing my purse and all its contents, and not being able to get home because of it, and having no one I can call - in my dreams, I usually wonder "is THIS something I can call my T about? Can he help?" *so sad*

That said, I don't know that I feel like *just* a paycheck. I believe he's really, truly trying to be helpful. I'm not sure if he's actually going to be able to help yet, but I can see him really genuinely trying, and I'm a really tough one to deal with in therapy (lots of bad past therapy experiences). So, I appreciate that.

I don't know. Therapy is weird and hard.

[laxer12]

Not really. I pay at the lowest price on her sliding scale which sometimes makes me feel like I'm taking advantage of her. As a student though, my income is not very high so it's actually affordable for me. She also told me that I can cut back sessions any time if I want to so I don't feel as though I'm just there to contribute to her paycheck. I also think she genuinely cares about me.

[SoupDragon]

I give my kids pocket money so they can buy things for themselves. I hope they don't see me as just a paycheck.

[Partless]

Originally Posted by divine1966

Well my relationship with my kids is way more personal than teaching them techniques. I am a special Ed high school teacher and manage my case load anywhere between 4 to 6 years until they graduate and often remaining in their lives after that , being way more to them than somebody who teaches theories of some sort.

Okay I was not aware of your more personal relationship with these students given their conditions. I guess your relationship is somewhere between pure teaching of a college professor and personal intimacy of therapist.

p.s. at some point I considered a career in special ed education, but soon realized it provides a real low pay compared to the kind of emotional and mental investment one makes and I have respect for people like you who I'm sure are not in it for the big bucks but because you care enough for these students to even call them your "kids." (unless I misunderstood what you meant by "kids" in that sentence...maybe your own kids?)

I've heard some say another way to go (USA only) is total government funded mental health care to pay these people. It will take the emotionally charged issue of money off the table, and more time to focus on other issues. Just thinking out loud, about what others have mentioned in the past.

I think talking about feeling your just a pay check will reveal more about the sort of person you are, more than the type of person you think a professional is.

[Rive.]

Well, they are hired professionals i.e. paid to do a job. It so happens that the job in question consists in providing mental health care. This doesn't negate any potential caring that they might feel. But they do need to put bread on the table after all.

[musinglizzy]

Originally Posted by emptyspace

But how many T's do this? Waive co-pays? Call from vacation? Generous with out of session contact?
You're not just a paycheck when you have things like that.

I know I'm lucky in this way and I do try to make sure she knows I realize this and don't take it for granted.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Partless

Okay I was not aware of your more personal relationship with these students given their conditions. I guess your relationship is somewhere between pure teaching of a college professor and personal intimacy of therapist.

p.s. at some point I considered a career in special ed education, but soon realized it provides a real low pay compared to the kind of emotional and mental investment one makes and I have respect for people like you who I'm sure are not in it for the big bucks but because you care enough for these students to even call them your "kids." (unless I misunderstood what you meant by "kids" in that sentence...maybe your own kids?)

Thanks for your kind words. Yes I mean my students when I said "kids".

We used to get paid decently but my area is doing so poorly economically that we had to agree to a major pay cut to survive as a district. I am getting paid less than I was paid 10 yeArs ago. No I am not kidding. I love my job and there is nothing else I want to do.

No I am not in this for the money, but......
At this point though if I was offered something else with better paid I would probably take it because I am having hard time paying bills. Love or no love I have to eat and have a roof above my head.

I think my main point was that sure hopefully most people, whose job involves caring for others,love their job. But without a pay check all of it loses its meaning.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by _Mouse

I think talking about feeling your just a pay check will reveal more about the sort of person you are, more than the type of person you think a professional is.

I kind of thought the same thing. I wonder what makes one feel they are just a pay check?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[stopdog]

I always wonder why people want to be more than that to a therapist.