[junkDNA]

ive been thinking about my feelings towards T for a while now, trying to figure out what they were. i care about my T a lot and am attached to him. and he knows this. i feel love for my T (not romantic or sexual). i decided to tell him this today in a text. text felt safer than doing it in person. to create some distance i guess. i texted him and asked him if it is wrong or bad that i feel love for him. i told him its scary to me to admit that i have love for him.

part of the reason ive been scared to tell him this is because it makes me feel so vulnerable ,. it leaves me open to hurt. for a long time growing up and even in adulthood love meant manipulation and abuse to me. i thought that was just what love was... parental love, romantic love, friendly love. so it was really scary for me to tell T this. also i didn't know if it was appropriate, wrong or bad.

T responded in such a perfect way. he said its not wrong. its natural and a very good sign. he said it is like love for a parent.

i texted him back and admitted that it took a lot for me to say that and it was scary but his response comforted me. i told him he was right, that it is like love for a parent, a parent i didn't get to have when i was growing up. he said he is touched.

Possible trigger:

i was sexually abused by my former T for 2 years. i started seeing him when i was 16. former T manipulated me, abused me, put me in dangerous situations, gave me alcohol to subdue me, lots of bad things. i left that situation and told someone safe and justice has been served to him. i was left with a gaping hole of pain, confusion, wondering what was real and what wasnt... did he love me? was it all a ploy? a scam? it took me years to heal from that.

i am still not completely healed. but i want to offer hope to those of you who have been hurt by a therapist. there is a path forward, to healing and recovery. there is a way to trust again, it takes hard work and time, but the wounds will heal. they wont go away, and i will always remember that hurt. but since ive worked with my T who i have now, things have improved greatly for me. not all Ts are horrible, just because one T hurt me so badly, doesnt mean all Ts will. i had to learn this, i tested my T so much in the beginning. i was a huge pain in the ***. but he stuck with me, supported me, never gave up on me, didn't abandon me or hurt me.

there is hope!!! things scar us and hurt us and cause us a lot of pain. but recovery is possible.

it was huge for me to tell my T i love him. tons of bad things went through my mind after i sent that text. i am opening myself up and being extremely raw and vulnerable with him. and he handled it gently, appropriately, and warmly. i never thought i would trust a T this much to be this open with him. it took me a long time to get here, and im still walking my journey.

i am so glad that i did this. just wanted to share some of my story.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Thank you for posting this. It does give me a little hope.

Can I ask some questions?...

How long did it take you to end with "bad" ex-T to find current T?

How long have you been with current T?

Why did you decide to stick with current T?

Sorry if it seems nosey. I just want to compare someone else's progress to mine even though I know that length is dependent on each individual. Still, I'm curious. But please don't feel like I'm pressuring you to answer.

I'm truly happy for you

I'm happy for you.

[junkDNA]

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

Thank you for posting this. It does give me a little hope.

Can I ask some questions?...

How long did it take you to end with "bad" ex-T to find current T?

How long have you been with current T?

Why did you decide to stick with current T?

Sorry if it seems nosey. I just want to compare someone else's progress to mine even though I know that length is dependent on each individual. Still, I'm curious. But please don't feel like I'm pressuring you to answer.

I'm truly happy for you

i started working with current T 7-8 months after ex T. i had a female therapist in between but she was very CBT oriented and didnt get under the surface of my issues.

i have been with current T almost 5 years.

i decided to stay with current T because he is a very gentle man and non judgemental towards me or what ive been through. he didnt force me to talk about things i wasnt ready to talk about. he accepted me where i was. also our sense of humor are really similar and thats important to me. we are both weirdos. i was pretty out of control for the first 2 ... maybe 3 years. in and out of the hospital, constantly suicidal, acting out, hurting myself, not being compliant with my medications, acutely psychotic at times. he stuck with me through all of that, he didnt give up or abandon me. maybe i was trying to push him to do that, to continue the pattern in my life. but he didnt. hes always been supportive and gentle and calm with me. thats why i like him, thats why i stayed with him. i knew i needed help and i just had this feeling that he could help me.

[junkDNA]

Originally Posted by Breadfish

I'm happy for you.

thank you

[pbutton]

This is such a great thread. Thanks for sharing.

[notyouraverage15]

So awesome for you to get that off your chest. I know it had to feel good to tell your T that!

[junkDNA]

thank you guys.....

I am so so pleased you have such a terrific relationship with your T. I'm still testing mine out just to see how strong he is, or whether he'll bail on me. I'm nearly 2 years in now. I love my T too. I can't live without him. If you feel like I do with your T, then I am very very happy for you. It's a fuzzy & warm lingering feeling that is just not like anything else that I've ever experienced. Lv 'n' hugs. Xxx

[BayBrony]

I'm very happy for you. He sounds like a very warm and capable T and it sounds like it was healing for you to tell him.

[baseline]

Thanks s much for sharing! I finally told T I was afraid of being attatched to him. It has been a little over a year I have been with him. I left him my journal note about it. We didn't have time to discuss last session. I am so afraid for tomorrow when I will see him again. What if he suggests termination. I am not ready. I hate this feeling of neediness. I want him to care for me too.

[nervous puppy]

Thank you for sharing! This is very encouraging and empowering for me. Hopefully, it will go a long way towards giving me the strength to express myself when the time comes.

thank you!

[junkDNA]

Originally Posted by baseline

Thanks s much for sharing! I finally told T I was afraid of being attatched to him. It has been a little over a year I have been with him. I left him my journal note about it. We didn't have time to discuss last session. I am so afraid for tomorrow when I will see him again. What if he suggests termination. I am not ready. I hate this feeling of neediness. I want him to care for me too.

i hope your session goes well. i dont think your T will terminate. i was afraid that my T would go away or leave because i said this. but thats because of my past.