[Abby]

Does dissociation always come back? Will it always be there?

I used to dissociate with my last therapist but then as I felt more safe with her generally I didn't at all anymore. But with this new therapist it has come back again strongly.

It is frustrating because I know I can have emotions without dissociating and I feel I'm slowing everything down by doing this (not that it is controllable at this point but still). I get irritated by this, that it has returned.

Hopefully the 2nd time around it'll take less time to dissipate but what if it takes just as long. How can I speed it up? I don't like this being out of my control - not only is it embarrassing but it is a frustrating waste of money spending part of the session out of it or having to do small talk just to get me back to myself again.

Anyone else experience this? I don't know why I do it, it makes no sense.

[musinglizzy]

I deal with this occasionally myself and it frustrates and embarrasses me. I was talking to my T about it once, she believes it's a choice. If it was a choice, I wouldn't be doing it and making a fool of myself!!

I used to dissociate constantly, and not only in therapy. Part of my PTSD symptoms. It is almost never an issue anymore, and even when it is, it is not as deep or problematic as it once was. In my case, I learned to recognize it when it was happening (just prior I guess) and how to stay present. Dissociation is a choice of sorts, but not consciously obviously. I had to learn to be more conscious of my use of dissociation as a means of protection and avoidance (which is what it served for me since I was about 5 years old). Took working through the issues that set off that reaction in me and practice, practice, practice over time but it certainly is something that can become more manageable.

I guess it is associated with anxiety about being with your T? I'm finding that talking about what I'm anxious about with my T is helping me to be less anxious about being there, I think.

[magicalprince]

You dissociate because a lil part of you doesn't know any other way to cope be friends with your lil part, judging it only makes it more likely to continue.

[Abby]

It is purely due to anxiety of being with a new therapist, I can't even see how its related to anything difficult just probably strong emotions. Like an overwhelm. It isn't trauma or anything. I don't even feel overtly anxious - it just is. Therapy stirs up feelings but that isn't a huge deal, its normal and I'm fine with it...just clearly I do this. It isn't a choice I make and it is hard to hear it is, do you think she thinks I should be doing more to stop it?! I'll try and be aware and talk about it but genuinely don't feel there is much to talk about. It is so irritating....maybe it'll stop soon.

[Restin]

I have one child alter who used to dissociate when T scared her, but T has gotten good at seeing it start and is great at helping me stay present and together. I've been DID a long time and believe that the main adult self can become friends and leader of the alter, or alters, so that there isn't the discord and panic as before. Now my life is tolerable and we work together with T's help.