Feeling Unworthy

Does anyone else struggle with feeling unworthy when it comes to relationships with other people?

How do you try and convince yourself that you are worthy and that you have value?

Do you mean in general or with a therapist?

Feeling unworthy in general, I guess specifically with friends.

Either with or without a therapist, how do you convince yourself to actually believe you're worthy and you have value?

I had to write a letter to myself. T said if nothing he or anyone else said would make any difference, what would I say to myself to recognise my own strengths. He asked if there was anything I could say to myself to convince myself I did have value? Struggled with it for two weeks but got it done.

I just try to remind myself of things I've done for said people that they appreciated.

I have not felt like this. I tend to feel as worthy as I think others are. I can't think of a reason why I would be less than anyone else. Certainly not more either. Just sort of usually worthy about most things. I don't know how I do it exactly - it just sort of is for me.

I used to have such feelings quite a lot. I have them less so now, but they do still appear at times.

For me, therapy was very helpful in understanding where the feelings came from and how they incline me to act. When I consciously (with help from T) began to act differently from how the feelings inclined me to act, the feelings began to lessen.

I never felt unworthy. But I know plenty of people who do. It is good to explore in therapy or find a person who helps up build you up. I go with my students who often do suffer from low self esteem.

I do feel unappreciated at times as I am easy to take for granted but that's different

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Me. I've felt unworthy of my husband. Like he deserves someone better. Unworthy of being a mother--partly because I was never sure if I wanted kids, then when I decided I wanted one, at 33, I got pregnant almost immediately. It didn't seem fair compared to some friends who have had difficulty conceiving/carrying to term. And partly because I often feel rather incompetent as a mom.

Really, I'm just very hard on myself, sometimes bordering on self-loathing, and I expect other people to be that way to me too. Some of it comes from childhood stuff, some from depression and anxiety. Working on it in therapy (both individual and marital, because it affects my marriage).

I am 42 and I have always had a problem with self worth for me it started when I was in middle school and only until a few years ago it got better. For me it was mindfulness and me converting to Buddhism. But any religion has things in it that can help with issues of self worth. Or even no religion just basic humanism it might be help full to read like it did for me
hope you feel better

I felt unworthy for the greater part of my life. I suffered emotional neglect when I was a child and I was bullied as a teenager. I had never learned to feel good about myself or that my feelings were ok. That changed a little bit when I was in my twenties and met my boyfriend. I learned to open up to him and be vulnerable with him.

Now and then I stepped out of my comfort zone like speaking in public at work. I did that for over ten years, learning bit by bit. But the self loathing was still there. Deep down I still didn't feel worthy. More and more that got in the way of of the life I wanted to lead. Unfortenately, I didn't know how to change it. Or maybe I was afraid to adress the issue.

It lead to a burn out, which I'm grateful for now. I went in therapy to deal with all the pain I had kept inside all those years. After that, I started working on gaining self worth and confidence. What really helped, is that my T was always there for me. He was the safe base I should've had growing up. I learned all those things I should've learned decades ago, like getting in touch with my emotions, showing them and learning that they're ok. He was very supportive of every step I made and encouraged me to take it to the next level.

Therapy made a real change in my life. I feel so different inside. I'm more in charge of my life and I now believe that I matter, that I have value. I never believed it could turn out this way, but it did and I'm so very grateful for it.

Relationships with my friends have changed because of it. I'm more open, which leads to better conversations and deeper connections. I call my friends more, asking to hang out. I'm not afraid anymore of what they'll think of me or that I'll bother them with my presence.

Sometimes I hear my "old'' thoughts in my head, trying to bring me down. The old me agreed with those thoughts and had a lousy day. The new me is able to turn it around, by saying out loud that I am good enough or that I'm not ugly. Or by destracting myself. I can now, for most of the time, make the negative thoughts disappear. Or just not let them hurt me as much as they used to.

laxer, I have no suggestions just telling you that you are not alone. I can't imagine anything that could make me feel or believe I am worthy.
It's just not there. Hang in there and I sure hope you find answers for yourself soon!

Thanks everyone for the responses! I have a T already and she is really great. This week we talked about how I take rejection personally and we both came to the conclusion that it has to do with me not feeling like I have worth or value. It's just a hard thing to work through since I've always relied on other people to prove to me that I am worthy and I have value. I guess it's something I'll think about this week and bring up again next week with T.

Yes, it's hard to work through, but it'll all be worth it.

It happened a lot, it has lessened somewhat. At the very least, they are much more manageable now.

Denying the inner critic and replacing it with more positive thoughts was actually unhelpful.
Not because I thought my self-loath at all : I knew facts didn't support my feelings.
It was unhelpful because even when I replaced my self-loath with more positive feelings, the positive feelings added shame about feeling bad on the feelings of self-loath.
It was similar to : "self loath"
- "no, you're not self-loath because of positive facts"
- "positive facts but still self-loath".

Actually, it was much more helpful to acknowledge and validate the feeling of being unworthy rather than trying to suppress it.
OTOH, I don't validate "I am unworthy" because the reasoning is inaccurate.

I validated my feeling of unworthiness for what it is : a feeling ; nothing more, nothing less. Feelings are not right or wrong per se.
However, they can be based on inaccurate facts.
Big difference.

I don't try to suppress it at all costs because it doesn't make it lessen at all.
Rather, I work on it to be less affected.