[nervous puppy]

I’m confused about how much I should tell my T. Am I supposed to tell them EVERYTHING?!?! If that’s true, I’ve been doing it wrong for YEARS!
My new T said to me a couple sessions ago, that there’s always so much to cover, I should make sure I talk about what is the most important. What?? Ok, yeah. How do I decide that? We will be on session # 13 tomorrow. We’ve still only hit the headlines as far as topics go, and not all of them yet.

Why is there always so much going on in my head that I can’t seem to sort out one thing from another?

Old T is in hospice, at least that’s the last I heard (about 2 weeks ago). Drives me nuts that I don’t know what’s happening or how she is. The office manager from her clinic put me on the list of people to contact when something happens, she said she’d email me. My new T is a friend of old T and will tell me what she knows (within boundaries) if I ask. Still, I am always thinking about it. I know it’s wrong, but I check her husband and daughter’s FB pages to see if anything new has been posted. Neither one posts very often, but there are some pictures of T that are calming to look at. She’s smiling and happy, an expression I remember and miss terribly. So, am I supposed to confess all this to new T? Isn’t what I’m doing considered cyber-stalking or something?
I never look for anything about new T. I don’t want to know and I don’t want to go down that rabbit hole again. I want to do things differently than with old T. There’s no way I would have ever told old T I was on FB looking at her family!! I’d throw up before I could ever get the words out.

Is it normal to not be able to put thoughts into words? I just can’t. Sometimes, like now, I can write it down. Sometimes not. Do I tell T this too?

What about things that give me anxiety? Pretty much everything does. Yesterday I had my annual “female” exam. Hate hate hate hate going. I’ve gone every year like a good girl for the past 25 yrs or so.
I’ve had the same Dr. the whole time. She’s great! I love her. I still panic every stinking year. Anxiety kicked in on Saturday for my Tuesday afternoon appt. By Tues morning, I was physically shaking I was so nervous. I’m always worried I’m going to fart in her face. I never do, but it could happen. I told the Dr. about losing my T to pancreatic cancer. Started crying again because I still can’t mention it without tears. Anyway, she was so awesome. She said I could call her anytime if I needed support. I don’t know why, but I’ve never told her about my CSA. I know it factors into why I hate anyone diddling around down there. Probably should have told her that years ago. Just can’t say it. Old T was the first person I was able to tell and talk about it.
How much of this Dr. visit do I tell new T about? Or not?

“So what’s important this week?” I’m learning to really dislike hearing that…

So much easier to talk to faceless strangers. Thanks for listening.

[Mike_J]

I tell my therapist everything.. even the things I go into a session saying to myself "don't say that" but I always do, can't not telling her everything.

I tell mine everything too. Its somewhat of a relief.

[Victoria'smom]

Would it be easier if T said "So what happened this week?"

[JaneTennison1]

My T had me make a timeline of events that happened. We spent 6-8 months of just compiling a timeline and chatting so I would feel more comfortable. Only now are we digging into the important things. Weekly if anything comes up we'll discuss that too. I totally get the need to talk about "important" things but I wouldn't discount the chitchat sessions to get you to a place of comfort. Everything will out in the end and you shouldn't rush things. Also it's your hour, use it how you feel helpful.

Maybe make a few notes of topics you would like to cover but don't feel pushed or hurried to the "good" part. Everything has value especially when starting with a new therapist.

[stopdog]

I only tell them what I think is relevant to why they might be useful to me. A couple of times they have both seemed surprised about something that happened earlier and it did not come up for weeks or months. At their surprise, I have told them I just did not see it as relevant.

[nervous puppy]

Thanks for the feedback. I still don't know how I'm going to do this. I'm guessing that I'm going to be handing her lots of notes, or sending emails. Otherwise, I can't say things. Words just don't come out.

[nervous puppy]

Had my session with T today, and I had been shakey all day thinking about what I was going to say.
I am a big fat chicken.
I did manage to tell her that I am afraid to share "all" my thoughts. That I dont know how to put some of my thoughts into words.
I was unable to talk about the FB issue. It was sketchy trying to explain why I was even bringing up the subject of telling her (or any therapist) everything.

Heavy sigh...this is scary...

[musinglizzy]

I haven't been able to tell my T EVERYTHING. Things were slowly coming out.... but we've had a set back now where I think, for the most part, all she's been told so far is sufficient to help me work on things.

[InRealLife45]

i tell her almost nothing. she isnt very trustworthy or accepting.

[laxer12]

I try and tell T everything that I think is relevant. If we stay on one topic all session, I do my best to not filter myself at all and tell her everything about it and what I'm thinking. That means that I might not tell her something that happened the week before that might be worth talking about but it isn't something I want to spend time with. I could find enough stuff to talk about for hours but I only get one so I have to be selective on what I bring up.

[ThisWayOut]

Wow, sounds like you have a ton going on there...
I don't always tell t everything, especially with this t. We are time limited, so I try to keep to the stuff I came to see her about in the first place. If there is anything going on that causes a ton of anxiety, I try to communicate that, but hopefully return to the major topic with enough time to address is that hour.
I wrote a lot of stuff down. Some of it t gets to see/hear, other stuff just gets carried around. I've found if I have stuff written, it's a bit easier to figure out what I feel is important enough to cover in session.
Good luck with everything.

[Chummy]

I tell my T a lot, but not everything. Some things I'm a bit afraid to tell her, because I feel too ashamed or I think it's not important.

[thepeaceisinthegrey]

Originally Posted by nervous puppy

Why is there always so much going on in my head that I can’t seem to sort out one thing from another?

I know this thread is a bit old but I saw this sentence and it hit me like a ton of bricks! I had this exact conversation with my T just one hour ago. She asked me what I was thinking about and I replied "It's never just one thing." She then had me do an exercise where she timed me for 2 minutes and had me write down every thought that came into my head. It was a long list! Then she had me sit quiet for 1 minute and then after that minute I wrote down everything I thought about. It really put things into perspective and it was crazy to see on paper how my mind is really working.

And I will also add that I do tell my T everything. Even the small things that I don't think matter but she tells me all the time that it matters to her. It's comforting.

[nervous puppy]

[QUOthepeaceisinthegrey;4436551]I know this thread is a bit old but I saw this sentence and it hit me like a ton of bricks! I had this act conversation with my T just one hour ago. She asked me what I was thinking about and I replied "It's never just one thing." She then had me do an exercise where she timed me for 2 minutes and had me write down every thought that came into my head. It was a long list! Then she had me sit quiet for 1 minute and then after that minute I wrote down everything I thought about. It really put things into perspective and it was crazy to see on paper how my mind is really working.

And I will also add that I do tell my T everything. Even the small things that I don't think matter but she tells me all the time that it matters to her. It's comforting.[/QUOTE]

The exercise your T had you do is a great idea.
My T asked me something similar about 3 weeks ago and I told her it was like listening to a crowd of people talking all at once. like I had all these thoughts and they're inside a blender...and it's one nasty smoothie!
The best way for me to get them to stop is to write it down. It could be a list, it could be an
event that keeps playing on repeat, lots of things.
So yeah, I totally agree with writing it out.
Still, time is so limited, it's hard for me to know what to bring up. Plus sometimes it's just hard to say things.

[thepeaceisinthegrey]

Originally Posted by nervous puppy

The exercise your T had you do is a great idea. My T asked me something similar about 3 weeks ago and I told her it was like listening to a crowd of people talking all at once. like I had all these thoughts and they're inside a blender...and it's one nasty smoothie! The best way for me to get them to stop is to write it down. It could be a list, it could be an event that keeps playing on repeat, lots of things. So yeah, I totally agree with writing it out. Still, time is so limited, it's hard for me to know what to bring up. Plus sometimes it's just hard to say things.

Oh yes. I completely understand it all. Time really is limited and I get anxious that if I bring up something big that I won't be able to get it all out in a hour. I also get anxiety when I really want to say something but it is so hard that I really just freeze and have NO idea how to even bring some things up. I'm so glad I am not the only one who feels this way!!!

[FranzJosef]

At one point I would have said, if you're holding back you're doing it wrong.

But now I realise that different patients have different needs. It's up to you.

Tell t everything. It is a relief, like someone else mentioned.

[Leah123]

It sounds like you're wondering how to prioritize.

I empathized with what you wrote about having so much to say and not enough time or not being sure what was most important.

My therapist is kind and gentle and encouraging with me when I am unsure: she just tells me to say anything I'd like. Or, if I am having an espcially difficult time speaking at all, she will ask me questions at my request to help me start.

Sometimes- what's hard to accomplish alone (quieting my active mind or prioritizing) becomes much easier with her calming influence.