How did you terminate?

musinglizzy · May 24, 2015, 05:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Giucy

Ok, as we say in French, my answer will be a Normandy answer (réponse de Normand). Meaning that this answer will not be a black 'n white answer variety.

If you choose to terminate as a client who comes voluntarily, there is no right or wrong way to terminate.
It depends of how do you feel with your T and the therapy.
It's a whatever works situation : if you choose to terminate with your T, what you do is not written in the stone.

If your therapy is Court-ordered, that's an entirely different ball game. Since I don't have the slightest scooby, I gladly leave my seat to more competent folks here.

Rules for termination are body licensing regulations for therapists. If your T chooses to terminate, he has to follow his professional regulations for not being liable of abandonment.

OTOH, if a client who comes to therapy voluntarily chooses to terminate, he is free to terminate.
You owe nothing to your T. You hire your T, your T doesn't hire you.

If you feel comfortable with giving your T a N time notice before termination, it's the most important.
No one holds the universal truth about how to terminate with your T because this situation doesn't know the universal truth.

The way you terminate the T you voluntarily see is your freedom of choice.

The only rules you have to respect in terminating your T is the basic common sense like no physical violence, no uttering threats etc...
Aside from these rules of basic common sense, I repeat that the way you choose to terminate the T you see voluntarily is your personal freedom.

Merci beaucoup Giucy!

May 24, 2015, 06:03 AM

When a T has disrespected me, he will get the same treatment back.

08:34 PM

In Real Life – sometimes it's not that easy. So, unbelievably sad.

InRealLife45 · May 25, 2015, 02:11 AM

usually i just stop showing up, stop making appointments. they never call to check in. no attachment, no real relationship so it never mattered.

i think its harder with one you once has a close bond to.

May 25, 2015, 02:23 AM

I have never terminated with a therapist I had a good connection with so I can't really give any meaningful input - I have terminated twice, in very different ways, and at least the first one was difficult. I felt guilty because I just stopped going, and told her answering machine I was not coming back. But I never felt any heartache about not seeing that therapist again, nor my second T whom I terminated with to start therapy with current T.

That being said, bringing a termination letter to session sounds like a good move to me. You have time to think about what to say but you also get to discuss and process it. Thinking of you - I understand that this must be extremely hard.

LindaLu · May 25, 2015, 12:54 PM

I told my T that if/when I decide to terminate, it would be in person because she deserves that much respect. Sometimes when I imagine self terminating out of frustration, having set that expectatation is liberating, other times it is frightening.

Your putting your T on notice of possible termination, even without stipulating the mechanism, is the mature thing to do and asserts your self agency. At the same time no T wants a voluntary (e.g., non court-mandated) client to terminate unilaterally. They want to be in control. And of course they want the income.

A continuing client is a known quantity. A new client is unknown. Same for us and the prospect of a new T.

Regardless of anyone's assessments or preferences, it's not their place to try and prevent us with veiled threats ("you'd better not"). Psychotherapy is or should be a consumer-driven transaction.

Best of luck working through this. It's really tough.

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