[Eleny]

I've hit a wall with my therapy and it's very frustrating.

I have been seeing my therapist on and off (off was usually due to financial issues) for the past 3 years. When I returned I was in a very low place and was really relieved to have returned and to begin working on myself again, but now that those initial sad feelings have subsided I feel I'm left with nothing.. Every week I feel I'm talking about the same thing over and over and I'm not making any progress. It's like I can't get beneath the surface and I'm going round in circles. It's very frustrating as I grew up in a dysfunctional family and have persistent feelings of sadness and lack of self worth, as well as a need to constantly please others. I want to deal with these issues but for some reason I can't.

I spoke to my therapist about it, she seems to think that because I am in a relationship which is quite dead and running its course that I feel numb and am not connecting with my feelings. Maybe this is true but I'm not sure. I'm not sure how to get back on track, other than finally end my relationship which I'm not quite ready to do.

Any advice, suggestions or thoughts on this would be much appreciated. Thank you.

[ruiner]

I honestly don't have any advice cause I am basically stuck in the same situation you are, but I wanted to reply to say I read it and bump it to the front page and maybe someone else will have some suggestions! I understand where you're coming from

[stopdog]

Have you considered taking a break? Setting up a new appointment in a month or two rather than sooner?

[Eleny]

Originally Posted by stopdog

Have you considered taking a break? Setting up a new appointment in a month or two rather than sooner?

This is probably going to sound weird, but I'm afraid of asking my therapist can I stop. When I read your post I felt a sense of relief, because I would like to take a break but it almost feels like I can't ask my therapist for a break. I know that sounds ridiculous, but in the past I have felt pressured into staying in therapy even when I was struggling to afford it because when I told her she would give me a deadpan look until I felt very uncomfortable and told her I would try borrow money to stay.

I know this sounds bad but she really is a great therapist aside from this. She's an older lady and owns her own practice and is always very professional.

Having said that I hate the pressure I feel to stay in therapy when I feel it's going nowhere, plus it's expensive for me at the moment. But at the same time I'm afraid to leave.

[Eleny]

Originally Posted by ruiner

I honestly don't have any advice cause I am basically stuck in the same situation you are, but I wanted to reply to say I read it and bump it to the front page and maybe someone else will have some suggestions! I understand where you're coming from

Thank you for your kindness!

It sounded like your T was attributing your state of mind to your relationship? And perhaps you feel encouraged by her to leave your partner? Maybe I haven't got that right, but that's how it sounded to me. Is it your T who is stuck, thinking that nothing will change until you sort that out. If that is what she thinks, I don't think she is right. I don't know you, but most of us have a life outside our relationship too, it isn't the be all and end all of us.

Originally Posted by Eleny

This is probably going to sound weird, but I'm afraid of asking my therapist can I stop. When I read your post I felt a sense of relief, because I would like to take a break but it almost feels like I can't ask my therapist for a break. (

Why do you need your therapist's permission to take a break? It is your therapy; you have the power to say I'm taking a break and may or may not return when I am ready to.

I spent many sessions recently like that.
Than, wallop. Some real intense feelings arose.

[mountain human]

I believe a good therapist will not just listen to you, but also provide practical tools to use outside the office. Once I have these tools and resources, it's up to me to get off my lazy, procrastinating butt and use them. I've been in therapy a few times in my life and the best therapist gave me tons of resources and "homework" that I could pursue on my own. Usually after a few months, I notice that we're re-hashing the same issues and I know it's time for me to say good-bye. It's hard to walk away from therapy because it's the only place where I can talk all about myself without feeling selfish and it's the only place where I can be completely honest without censoring myself. Kinda like going to confession.

[Eleny]

Hi guys, thanks for the replies

Originally Posted by Brown Owl

It sounded like your T was attributing your state of mind to your relationship? And perhaps you feel encouraged by her to leave your partner? Maybe I haven't got that right, but that's how it sounded to me. Is it your T who is stuck, thinking that nothing will change until you sort that out. If that is what she thinks, I don't think she is right. I don't know you, but most of us have a life outside our relationship too, it isn't the be all and end all of us.

To be honest my T has been subtly encouraging me to leave my partner. It's been on my mind ever since, and because I value everything she says so much I feel like I would almost do it based on that. I think I might take a break, but I'm just nervous about how to approach it

[wotchermuggle]

Originally Posted by Eleny

Hi guys, thanks for the replies


To be honest my T has been subtly encouraging me to leave my partner. It's been on my mind ever since, and because I value everything she says so much I feel like I would almost do it based on that. I think I might take a break, but I'm just nervous about how to approach it

Are you looking for suggestions on how to bring it up?

Do you have family/close friends? You could say that you are planning a few local trips this coming summer and that you are going to need to take a break from therapy as a result, but that you will call her when you're able to rebook again in the future.

I'd suggest this tell-her-how-it-is approach vs. a "would it be okay for me to take a break" version.

Then, if you don't feel like going back, you simply don't call her.