[Walk_Free]

and how would you feel if your T said she/he missed you? I've been out of it lately since my T announced that she was going on a weeks vacation. I've been really struggling with depression and she called me the other day to check on me because when I shut down, I stop talking completely. My husband called her and said he was very worried because I had stopped communicating even with him.

When I don't talk, she calls and talks and I listen without speaking. So Friday she said to me, I miss you. Of course it made me feel really good but I wasn't sure how others would react if their T had said that to them. Bree

[withit]

Personally, I would not like it. I expect professionalism from a therapist and the therapeutic work excludes catering to her personal needs. Meaning, I'm not there to please her. I'm there to benefit from her services. A statement such as ''I miss you'' implies SHE is losing out by your absence. And imo that is unprofessional and unethical.
If I miss an appointment or more, and my t calls me to check in, I expect something along the lines of, ''i'm concerned about you. Would you like to talk about what's going on for you? If I can be of any help don't hesitate to call me''.

I'd jump up and down, and scream finally. CONNECTION. but thats just me. I wish for someone to feel that connected and to not just be a line on the weekly schedule.

[Merlin]

I think a T can miss you without 'needing' you. I would be happy with that comment, if it was delivered right

In the context of my relationship with T, the "I miss you" comment wouldn't go too well. I guess it really depends on the relationship. I prefer to know that he is concerned, or that he saw a quote by a certain writer and it made him think of me. Things like that. I'm not saying that "I miss you" is a right or wrong thing for a therapist to say. It really depends on the nature of what's normal for your relationship. I can't even really answer in regards to what I would think if my T said that only because I know he wouldn't. It's just not something that would fall under the nature of our relationship and interactions.

i don't think my t would ever say this to me.

if he said it...

i guess it would depend on context...

if he was leaning forward and being attuned and he said it in a gentle / kind way... i'd feel cared about and happy.

if he just kinda said it i'd rip into him for ********ting me. i don't think he does miss me, you see. and he is in trouble for talking out of his *** already.

[Walk_Free]

Ewwwwww, ok I'm not sure if I should share this or not but here goes.
On my birthday my T gave me a gift, now that made me furious but I never showed my anger to her and I didn't tell her it made me mad.

One day in session I totally freaked out and she got up and came over to me and pulled a stool close to my chair and put her hand on my shoulder and kid of rubbed it and kept saying shhhhhhh...

I am latching onto her comforting me with both hands because I never got comforting or validation as a child/teen/adult and right now she is on a weeks vacation and it's making it really tough for me. My inner child is screaming for her and I am not doing well with her gone.

My adult self knows I should find a different T but I am on disability and she charges me $25 a session so I can afford that but my adult self is concerned about what the outcome of all this will be and yet my inner child is screaming I can't leave her.

I've seen her interact with other clients and she acts the same way with them so she is being who she is. Bree

[Perna]

I would think about "who" she misses, who I am when I'm doing well versus when I'm not and how I could get myself to communicate better but I'd personaly worry that, having her say such a nice thing at that time, I'd shut down more in order to get more such nice comments.

[sunrise]

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Walk_Free said:
My adult self knows I should find a different T

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Why should you find a different T? What is wrong with the current one? You are feeling very attached to her and that is normal in therapy.

[Walk_Free]

Sunrise. Because I have extreme abandonment issues and I act out really bad when I feel abandoned and my T doesn't deserve my crap when I get started. Bree

Perna, Thats interesting, you gave me something to think about. Bree

[sunrise]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Walk_Free said:
Sunrise. Because I have extreme abandonment issues and I act out really bad when I feel abandoned and my T doesn't deserve my crap when I get started. Bree

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So you are feeling guilty about acting out in therapy and want to spare your T that, so you think you should leave? Could you go over this with him and see what he has to say? Maybe he is OK with your acting out and can offer some reassurance, or alternative coping strategies if he thinks the acting out is not productive. Therapy sure is tough, hang in there with this. If you were to leave this T, you might have to go through the whole thing all over again if you were to seek therapy again in the future with a different T.

[ClaireB]

Bree, trust that gut feeling. If you don't want your therapist pulling up a stool and patting you, then tell her. (Personally, I think she should have been able to pick up on your body language that that was not okay with you). You have the right to not have your personal space invaded. If it doesn't feel right to you, then it probably isn't. I played this game constantly with myself. Oh, he doesn't mean to do this or that. He doesn't mean it like I'm taking it. He is just trying to be nice. I'm just overly sensitive. This is my problem. I'm reading too much into this. HOGWASH! You have the right to stand up for yourself. Frankly, you shouldn't have to ask her not to violate your boundaries.