[lightcatcher]

By no means am I a teenager, however in therapy lately I have seemed to have returned to a snotty 16 year old.

I don't know why this is, but my body language and what I say comes out in a crazy way. Sometimes I catch myself and will appologise to my T.

T explained some transference and state that they think that is what is going on between us. Yes, I agree. I never got to have that fight/break in a maternal relationship that then moves you through to adulthood because my mother was gone. So is this what has to happen with my T?

I'm confused - T has done nothing to warrant my attitude, if anything T is the most secure relationship I have had, yet I act crazy and stroppy.
I am scared T will have enough and kick me out.

I want T to be there, hold me, be my mother - and I want to push T away, severe any care T is offering and be mean.

How long till someone gets sick of you and your attitude.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

Originally Posted by lightcatcher

By no means am I a teenager, however in therapy lately I have seemed to have returned to a snotty 16 year old.

I don't know why this is, but my body language and what I say comes out in a crazy way. Sometimes I catch myself and will appologise to my T.

T explained some transference and state that they think that is what is going on between us. Yes, I agree. I never got to have that fight/break in a maternal relationship that then moves you through to adulthood because my mother was gone. So is this what has to happen with my T?

I'm confused - T has done nothing to warrant my attitude, if anything T is the most secure relationship I have had, yet I act crazy and stroppy.
I am scared T will have enough and kick me out.

I want T to be there, hold me, be my mother - and I want to push T away, severe any care T is offering and be mean.

How long till someone gets sick of you and your attitude.

I want the very same thing. I want my T to be my mother, hold me, tell me everything will be ok and she will always be there. Then I want to push her away so I don't get hurt. Its hard, but our T's can not be our mother. Its something you must accept. I am trying as well and its hard.

I can be very needy and I am scared my T will get sick of me and terminate me. I know how you feel and I know how hard it is. Try talking to her about what it would take for her to get rid of you.

[stopdog]

I don't think it bothers them. They are detached and don't think it is personal even where it is a lot of the time from what I have seen. They get paid - I don't feel bad for getting angry at the woman.

I went through something like that except I was acting like a snotty 15 year old, stomping my feet and making snarky comments at t and it all had to do with my f'd up relationship with my mother. It was a very frustrating time for me because I could see myself acting like that to t, but I couldn't stop myself, and then I felt guilty about it because she didn't do anything to deserve the way I was acting. But she explained it in a similar way that she was there to "be" whoever I needed her to be to work through my "stuff". Something like that. Anyway we got through it, somehow.... I'm in a much different and better place now than when that was going on! Talking to her about it was what helped me. Best wishes to you.

[LonesomeTonight]

You mention that it's the most secure relationship you've had. That's probably why you're acting this way. It's like a test, to make sure your T really is there for you. They say that kids (and teens) are often hardest on those who they feel closest to--it's a way of making sure they'll be loved no matter what. (Been told this by my T and marriage counselor regarding my 4-year-old, but I'm under the impression it applies to kids--or adults--of any age.)

[lightcatcher]

Originally Posted by artemis-within

I went through something like that except I was acting like a snotty 15 year old, stomping my feet and making snarky comments at t and it all had to do with my f'd up relationship with my mother. It was a very frustrating time for me because I could see myself acting like that to t, but I couldn't stop myself, and then I felt guilty about it because she didn't do anything to deserve the way I was acting. But she explained it in a similar way that she was there to "be" whoever I needed her to be to work through my "stuff". Something like that. Anyway we got through it, somehow.... I'm in a much different and better place now than when that was going on! Talking to her about it was what helped me. Best wishes to you.

I had a little chuckle with this Artemis, I too huff and puff like a teenager, make snarky comments and think 'omg did I just say that!'. T often has an entertained look on their face, sometimes trying not to smile or laugh.

Maybe I should talk to T about it. I just feel stupid for wanting someone whose job it is to care to be my mother. Ugh. I hate vulnerability a and feelings.

[lightcatcher]

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

You mention that it's the most secure relationship you've had. That's probably why you're acting this way. It's like a test, to make sure your T really is there for you. They say that kids (and teens) are often hardest on those who they feel closest to--it's a way of making sure they'll be loved no matter what. (Been told this by my T and marriage counselor regarding my 4-year-old, but I'm under the impression it applies to kids--or adults--of any age.)

You are right Lonesome - after rereading and seeing my comment it kinda clicked. Maybe I know she won't punish me or leave me for my behaviour and this makes it safe and scary too.

Originally Posted by lightcatcher

I had a little chuckle with this Artemis, I too huff and puff like a teenager, make snarky comments and think 'omg did I just say that!'. T often has an entertained look on their face, sometimes trying not to smile or laugh.

Maybe I should talk to T about it. I just feel stupid for wanting someone whose job it is to care to be my mother. Ugh. I hate vulnerability a and feelings.

Chuckling myself now.... I know that 'entertained look', with my t it was usually accompanied by the one-raised-eyebrow thingy! Vulnerability is hard. I told my t many times how much I hated feeling it and I hated feeling so attached to her etc etc but you know, as hard as it was to talk about, talking through it was how I GOT through it! (I see this post-therapy. I didn't know at the time that's what was happening.)

[rainbow8]

What I did last session was to tell my T that I liked her hair when it was wet. She got rained on. I've told her that in the past, but this time I said it at least 3 times and when I was leaving. She looked at me a little weirdly when I left, and said "thank you." I feel so stupid but couldn't stop myself at the time! I was a lovesick teenager! I think for the same reason you post about: to reassure myself I can say that and she won't throw me out, that she will accept that part of me.

[LindaLu]

I've said some cringe-worthy things to my T and left session feeling like a teenage brat. So I apologized for being snippy lately, had been under strain at work, etc. She just shrugged politely.

Lightcatcher and Atemis seem to have Ts that identify signs of transference as they happen (??) and that sounds healthier than letting those expressions go "thud" on the floor for clients to process on their own, invoking guilt.

Hmmm.

But the basic point is that we pay our Ts to sit there and take it, to contain their own feelings, and allow us to grow. Its not like a real relationship where the other party expresses his/her own needs and expectations for maturity.

[JaneTennison1]

I do this too. My T will say "what age do you feel right now?" I always laugh and tell her she only says that when I'm acting like a surly teenager. I can't seem to stop it even though I want to. It's a process.

[musinglizzy]

Originally Posted by JaneTennison1

I do this too. My T will say "what age do you feel right now?" I always laugh and tell her she only says that when I'm acting like a surly teenager. I can't seem to stop it even though I want to. It's a process.

I hate it when my T asks me that. She's only said it maybe 2-3 times (in a year). I always give the same answer....the age that I am. I don't think I ever feel any different.

[JaneTennison1]

Originally Posted by musinglizzy

I hate it when my T asks me that. She's only said it maybe 2-3 times (in a year). I always give the same answer....the age that I am. I don't think I ever feel any different.

Part of me wants to say 83 haha my real age is too young for this shiz.

[lightcatcher]

My T will ask what age do I think I sound like when making certain comments etc. I think that's more on cue for me rather that how old do I feel.
I don't think I feel any age? Sometime I feel like I could be 90 other times like im 16. That's more to do with body and stress lol.

What's weird is that even knowing why my inner surly teenager 'came out' so often in t, didn't stop it from happening. My grandma was more a mother to me than my mom was, and she died when I was 15, so I realized early on in therapy that's when my emotional development basically stopped. When I started therapy with current t, that's where I was emotionally, so I returned to that same 'place' a lot. This stuff fascinates me no end!

[lightcatcher]

Originally Posted by artemis-within

What's weird is that even knowing why my inner surly teenager 'came out' so often in t, didn't stop it from happening. My grandma was more a mother to me than my mom was, and she died when I was 15, so I realized early on in therapy that's when my emotional development basically stopped. When I started therapy with current t, that's where I was emotionally, so I returned to that same 'place' a lot. This stuff fascinates me no end!

My mother died when I was 16, I guess that is why maybe I end up sitting in Ts chair as a grumpy, sarcastic 16 year old lol.
I so understand when you talk about knowing your surly teenage self was coming out but then not stopping it. I don't think I've ever not known that was happening, and sometimes I have tried to change or appologise, I often end up still sulking like a teenager.
Maybe the point of therapy is to 'grow up'. Add in maternal longing with a T who is wonderful and kind and bam. 16 year old self wanting T to be a mother, hopefully by the end of this process I have grown through both of those things.
Artemis, do you feel you have grown from your 15 year old self since jumping on the therapy train?