I left a negative review on ex-T's FB page

She got caught and is now embarrassed by your review because you exposed her unprofessional actions. Perhaps she will straighten herself out. You simply don't treat clients the way she did with you. I've read some other things she did to you, and it is disgusting how unprofessional she is. You need a T who can forge a partnership with you, not an authoritarian approach.

I'm a university teacher. I have had to read tons of course evaluations, a few of which were rather vitriolic and unpleasant. (I don't think I am a particularly good teacher but that is not the point here). I'm not allowed to refuse to meet with those students again, or ask them to modify their evaluations, or even mention them. And while the evals are not available on the web they are still public, anybody can ask to see them. It is very unpleasant, and even though the positive evaluations outweigh the negative ones it's not the positive ones that stick in my mind... but it is part of my job. I understand not dealing well with negative reviews, and I think a T is allowed to not deal well with them, but then you don't provide a space for reviews.

Thank you. My new T also pointed out that from the way I describe it, my relationship with the ex-therapist was not the one of equals, it was very skewed.

Hmmm, I am not so sure about this. If the bad review was a true reflection the T's work, why would you want to go back?

If it was an act of peevishness then how can a T work with this between you? Having said that a better response might have been to say that she was disturbed by your post and before therapy could resume this issue needed to be settled, rather than demand its retraction.

In a close relationship in therapy it is inevitable that people won't always get on. That is life, and it is I think better to take a relaxed attitude and let it go. I don't know about you but I have far more important things in my life than following up grudges.

Anyone who works with the public knows that more often than not over-the-top responses to services and goods say more abut the customer than the vendor. By being vitriolic you are in danger of undermining your own case.

I think if she were hurt by your review she should have listed it as a reason why she don't want to see you again. An absolutely understandable reaction IMO.
Conditioning the session by you taking down the review is stg I do see as problematic.

I guess I'm not clear about this. Doctors aren't superhuman, but when they make mistake, they should own it. If they commit malpractice, they should be responsible. Same for lawyers, accountants, pilots, etc. When you take on the title and license of a professional, I'm thinking you then have certain obligations that aren't required by just being alive.

I thnk there are ways to deal wtih these things, and it's part of their professional obligation to know how to do that. I'm thinking it shouldn't be the client's responsibility to figure that out. That's why we pay them - to know how to do the process. not to give us more opportunities to find and work out our issues. Perhaps I am missing something.

I don't think they are superhuman. I do think they are professionals and should be held to professional standards. I don't think the T should have to see the C again. Maybe she was too hurt, afraid, etc. But she SHOULD own that it is her issue that prevents it, and try to see if a referral would be helpful.

ouch.

I'm not sure when anyone said that every T is superhuman, but maybe I missed it.

Customers can be better informed consumers now. There are many sources that separate the bad, not so great, and the good. I found all my new doctors, mechanics, electricians, dentists, and even college professors over the lat 10 years using online rating sources like Angie's list, etc. and I have not been disappointed and found most ratings to be on point.

I think it's intensely unprofessional of a therapist to leave a space for reviews on her own web page (or professional FB page). That's ridiculous. I would avoid her like the plague even if there were page after page of glowing testimonials to her amazingness. To me that sounds like an insecure person who doesn't understand some very basic things about her role. Instead of validating her clients she's asking them to validate her --and then getting all kinds of pissed when they don't?

That was my first reaction when I read this post. Any website or Facebook page belonging to a T that has "client testimonials" is not a source I would trust, not to mention it makes her look as if she's either an egomaniac or dumb. It also doesn't say much for her integrity that she used it as a way for you to negotiate another session with her. That's just shady.

Yelp, vitals and Google are far more useful if you want to get the word out about a bad (or great) therapist. Even if it's just for revenge it doesn't matter; a lot of people read these reviews.

I'm surprised that the OP's T is more concerned about the review rather than what caused her client to write an unfavorable review in the first place?

I agree about the Ts priorities too. Granted she may be thinking that the OP is simply a disgruntled client and doesn't think she did anything wrong. Still, a professional that truly wants to grow should want to talk to the client about how they feel and go from there. Everyone knows one bad review isn't unusual for most professionals, but they still should aim to provide good customer service if they can. I think the more egocentric/ less intelligent Ts immediately write off complaints to the clients mental illness and not poor service, which is unfortunate. Even some who have multiple bad reviews will believe this, which probably happens more with Ts than any other professional. Still as a consumer it's good to speak up and let others know. I've read that the rule of thumb for any business is that 6 or more negative online reviews are what some look for when weighing how legit the review is rather than writing it off to a fluke. Personally I'd pay attention to less than that but one is not usually much to worry about. But it's that first review that gets the ball rolling so I'd post it elsewhere and let this T learn from her mistakes.

EXACTLY! But she will never look into herself because she doesn't think she is the problem, her client is. Her client was angry, and for good reason, but she just sees it as her client acting out, not something she did to create that situation. Good T's will look at a situation like this and try to think and see what they could have done to improve it. Any T who can't handle criticism or non perfect behaviors from clients, shouldn't be in the field.

Some T's ego's think they are above others, especially above their clients because they think their academic training makes them more knowledgeable about how humans should be in the world. I know several T's personally, and let me tell you, their own lives are not perfect and they can be as messed up as any of their clients. Some know this, some don't.

In orangebish case, I have read many posts were it seems the T showed extremely unprofessional behaviors and almost baited him to create a hostile environment instead of creating a partnership to where a client can grow. A client who is having trouble communicating, opening up, or talking in a session can be handled so many more sensitive ways than her taking out her phone and using it because she thinks he is being resistant or purposely being difficult or manipulative. Even if her client was doing these things, is this any way to model good communication that fosters a good relationship? If anything she should take the high road, and SHOW by example some compassion and maybe try to be more present with the client and their difficulty of communicating. Instead she put up a wall with her phone because her client didn't act perfect in the way she wanted.

Another instance the client wanted cancel their appointment due to frustration, manly of themselves. Who hasn't felt this? I know I have. Most T's understand this frustration and are sensitive to it and offer some compassion and try to get them to get back into session. She put up a wall and was like, you cancel, you get nothing from me. She seems extremely immature and is more into punishment than compassion. She is taking a very authoritarian stance instead of a one of compassion that most survivors need.

orangebish, I am so glad you saw this T for what she was, and are finding a new one now. If anything I think it speaks volumes of growth because you know what good therapy is and you know you deserve it and are doing what you need to do it. I wish you the best of luck!

There is this saying that you will find 10 unhappy customers for every one complaint that gets communicated. I actually thing the number is higher than this because most don't take the time to make a complaint or give a review.

I think it is totally your right to write a bad review. And she shouldn't ask you to take it down, she is in a wrong.

but I don't understand why do you want or need to go back to her. What for? If she sucks and you don't want her as t then I think I would move on. It is almost the same as clients file complaints against their t but then still want to go back to them and see/talk and are upset that t doesn't want to see them.

They are no good, put up a review or file a complaint and look for someone better. It seems not worth the aggravation. Just my opinion of course

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Based on my experience, the answer to your question is because it's hard, it's not that simple, and it will take time. How long does it take abused children to recognize and quit caring about the abusive parent. OFtentimes never. how long does it get to take over a rupture in a friendship. a long time. Just cuz we paid them, and they didn't do what we paid them for, doesn't mean we didn't have positive feelings that are dificult to reconcile, understand, and doesn't mean that all our hope has gone with the wind.

I understand. It is really hard. I agree. I often got no closure in life and it isn't easy.

I try now to follow my t advice not to waste energy on figuring out why others do what they do as we may never know the truth but focus on what we do. This t might give a reason but it might not even be true reason. We may never know the answer

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I do try to focus on me. What was my part? What can I do. I'm learning. I know I may never know the answer. It's not easy. It hurts. It takes a long time even when you work really hard to do what is good and right and healthy.

Very true. The only person we really have any control over is ourself. It took years to finally realize that and put it into action in my own life though. Life's so much less stressful now that I get that. I can't force change in other people. I can't force them to see things my way. I can only work on myself and how I react and interact with others. I have control over who I interact with and how I respond to situations. I kind of have to let the rest go. Not always easy to do. Sometimes I want to try to change others because they've pissed me off and are behaving badly, but unless they choose to control their own behaviors, there really isn't much I can do about it. I can only control how I react to their behaviors; that's a choice -- not always conscious obviously, but it is a choice nonetheless. Learning to bring those emotional, unconscious choices into conscious focus is the hard part.

IT's really hard for me to hear people respond with how I need to focus on myself, I can't change others, etc. It's not htat it isn't true. It is true. I know it's true. I'm working on it. But the fact that it's true doesn't make it easy. Doesn't make it painless. and I hear that if I just thought the right way, and focused on the right thing, it wouldn't hurt. It also doesn't mean that it's wrong to put up a review of a professional who invited reviews, as long as the review was honest.

I wasn't directly addressing you, just addressing what I've found to be true in my own experience in response to another poster. Every person's journey proceeds at its own pace, in its own time. And it is absolutely not easy. This is hard and often treacherous work.

I don't disagree with you at all. From seeing other posts by the op, it sounds like this therapist has some serious issues that she needs to deal with and that shouldn't be in the therapy room. I agree that professional standards are crucial and that Ts shouldn't project their issues on clients. I guess the main point I was trying to make was that in this specific circumstance I don't blame the T for not agreeing to another meeting (although her attempted method to get the review down is ridiculous). The superhuman comment was directed at an earlier comment about how T's shouldn't be human because they are T's- I don't have the exact quote I'm referring to, sorry, but I guess I don't see therapy that way. I think T's are allowed to be human-they should strive to model healthy skills and respect the client above all but when they make mistakes they should be willing to own it and model appropriate responses accordingly. Sorry, I don't feel like I'm explaining myself well, I generally have a hard time articulating myself and I honestly am not trying to offend anyone.

You misunderstood my post. I in no way believe they are superhuman. I barely think some of them are above sub-human. I also don't think they model healthy skills - at least that is not what I pay them to do. They set the game up and I don't pay them to get to be excused because they are human - they can be humans on their own time.

I guess we can agree to disagree. I pay my T to model healthy relationship skills for me. I don't see it as a game at all. I'm learning to interact differently with another human being, one that has boundaries and honest responses. I guess I don't see it as a one size fits all. She isn't my saviour or my model of perfection or anything. Nor is she less then human. I don't think that I have the right to do whatever I want or treat her however I want and she has to have the perfect response either.

There are great therapists and crappy ones. Ones that obviously shouldn't be in the field and ones that actually do help people. I don't think therapy is the answer for everyone.

Indeed we do all have different approaches and reasons for doing it.