[TangerineBeam]

Yep, that's what I did after termination. And I explained in great detail what has happened between us. At the moment I didn't care about confidentiality or other consequences. I just wanted to get back at her. And funny thing for me was that she hid the Reviews tab the next day. So it worked, sort of.

But lately I've been thinking about having a final session with her, so I called her and asked her if we can meet, just to talk about what happened, to clear some things up. And she said, "Remove your review from my page and then, maybe, you can come". And something about how I violated her boundaries, and that she needs them to be restored before she can even talk to me in person.

And I think this is stupid. I understand if she doesn't want to see me because of what I did. But trying to manipulate me? Besides, nothing's keeping me from posting my review again after I see her. So I refused. I didn't want it to end like this, but... after this I posted my review on other sites too.

Sorry, I just needed to vent a little. I try to work through this bad termination business with my new T, but it's hard.

A therapy client does not need to worry about confidentiality. Those rules are for therapists, not for clients. Was this an official page for her therapy practice? If so, she was kind of out of line, to demand that you remove the review. If she doesn't want public reviews, she shouldn't create a public page, and when she has the page she doesn't get to choose what the reviews say. A more mature reaction from her might have been to agree to meet you and hope (not out loud to you!) that you might feel more positive towards her and want to remove the review afterwards.

I'm sorry you had this experience. It sounds very rough.

Originally Posted by Mastodon

A therapy client does not need to worry about confidentiality. Those rules are for therapists, not for clients. Was this an official page for her therapy practice? If so, she was kind of out of line, to demand that you remove the review. If she doesn't want public reviews, she shouldn't create a public page, and when she has the page she doesn't get to choose what the reviews say. A more mature reaction from her might have been to agree to meet you and hope (not out loud to you!) that you might feel more positive towards her and want to remove the review afterwards.

I'm sorry you had this experience. It sounds very rough.

I agree with this. I'm sorry things are like this.

[PinkFlamingo99]

This has nothing to do with boundaries, she's just mad. It says a lot that she frames it as a boundary issue. You did nothing wrong, and you don't have to hide the truth.

[Love Your Suit]

Originally Posted by orangebish

Yep, that's what I did after termination. And I explained in great detail what has happened between us. At the moment I didn't care about confidentiality or other consequences. I just wanted to get back at her. And funny thing for me was that she hid the Reviews tab the next day. So it worked, sort of.

But lately I've been thinking about having a final session with her, so I called her and asked her if we can meet, just to talk about what happened, to clear some things up. And she said, "Remove your review from my page and then, maybe, you can come". And something about how I violated her boundaries, and that she needs them to be restored before she can even talk to me in person.

And I think this is stupid. I understand if she doesn't want to see me because of what I did. But trying to manipulate me? Besides, nothing's keeping me from posting my review again after I see her. So I refused. I didn't want it to end like this, but... after this I posted my review on other sites too.

Sorry, I just needed to vent a little. I try to work through this bad termination business with my new T, but it's hard.

Can you expand, on what happened?

I'm surprised a T has a review page at all. If they put that up they have to be open to good and bad feedback - will she only accept glowing feedback?

I'm sorry you had a bad termination. Therapy seems to be a bit hazardous.

[Syra]

I agree with Mastadon & PB

I agree with all of the above! This t has no right to manipulate you into removing her review. It is your right to give a positive or negative review based on your experiences of her. This is a red flag, she is defensive and manipulative please don't resort to her demands. You did nothing wrong only go see her in the first place.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[TangerineBeam]

Originally Posted by Mastodon

Was this an official page for her therapy practice?

Yes, it was her business page.

Originally Posted by Love Your Suit

Can you expand, on what happened?

Sure. There were many things that I was not so happy about in my therapy, but I tried working on them. Then one day I came to session, I was having difficulty talking about anything, and she just picked up her phone and started playing with it. Completely ignoring me. When I asked her what she was doing, she said that she can't work with me if I'm not talking. And that she has "her needs too." I left right there. And emailed her that I quit.

Originally Posted by orangebish

Yes, it was her business page.

Sure. There were many things that I was not so happy about in my therapy, but I tried working on them. Then one day I came to session, I was having difficulty talking about anything, and she just picked up her phone and started playing with it. Completely ignoring me. When I asked her what she was doing, she said that she can't work with me if I'm not talking. And that she has "her needs too." I left right there. And emailed her that I quit.

I'm so stunned that a T so could be so blatantly terrible.

[msxyz]

So using the review page that she provided is a boundary violation?

I'd leave a google and/or yelp review instead including her manipulation.

Originally Posted by orangebish

Yep, that's what I did after termination. And I explained in great detail what has happened between us.

Good for you. Leave it up there.

[Lauliza]

If it was her personal page tge review would have been out of line.She doesn't sound very bright - she basically opened herself up for negative reviews. It's interesting that she frames this as a boundary issue.

[Crescent Moon]

And her taking it down doesn't have to be the end of it. They've got all those websites on health professionals... if you Google their name, one or more will pop up and they are hosted by other places, so she can't take it down. I definitely google and read those any time I'm seeing a new doctor of any kind.

And she ought a care more about how you experienced her care of you than she's acting. Seems ridiculous for her to ask for reviews and to believe she's so amazing that all she'll get is glowing praise. omg.. I think Ive channeled Stopdog.

[Leah123]

Originally Posted by orangebish

Yep, that's what I did after termination. And I explained in great detail what has happened between us. At the moment I didn't care about confidentiality or other consequences. I just wanted to get back at her. And funny thing for me was that she hid the Reviews tab the next day. So it worked, sort of.

But lately I've been thinking about having a final session with her, so I called her and asked her if we can meet, just to talk about what happened, to clear some things up. And she said, "Remove your review from my page and then, maybe, you can come". And something about how I violated her boundaries, and that she needs them to be restored before she can even talk to me in person.

And I think this is stupid. I understand if she doesn't want to see me because of what I did. But trying to manipulate me? Besides, nothing's keeping me from posting my review again after I see her. So I refused. I didn't want it to end like this, but... after this I posted my review on other sites too.

Sorry, I just needed to vent a little. I try to work through this bad termination business with my new T, but it's hard.

You took your argument with your therapist outside the therapy office. I know we're all looking at this as if the therapist isn't allowed to be human, but I think she regained her right to it when instead of telling her how bad you thought she was to her face, you did it publicly.

Now, I do NOT disagree with leaving negative reviews. I respect and support our right to do that, but we have to understand, leaving a public review should be to benefit other clients or potential ones, not to take revenge during an emotional upset. I mean, sure, we can use that forum for any purpose we like, but it has a cost. I don't understand how you'd want to scare away other clients but then expect her to take you back as a client without conditions after posting something saying she was not good at her work. And that's because, as you acknowledge, you just did it to get back at her.

I think that action changed you from a client to a former client in her eyes, someone reviewing a service instead of participating in it, because you used an external, public method of what you wanted to be communication perhaps about your therapy process.

The therapy tolerance for acting out really often only extends to the four walls of the office in my experience.

Just a bit of differing perspective, I think you made a wise choice to move on and hope it goes better with the next therapist.

I think the idea of her acting more magnanimously or like an all-forgiving parent or deity.... it just doesn't seem realistic to me. She's a healthcare provider, not Jesus.

[stopdog]

If you ask for or provide a spot for review - then you sort of need to be ready to learn not everyone loves you.

[Leah123]

Absolutely, but you're not obligated to see the ones who don't and who proclaim it publicly in a way that's going to lose you business.

I will say, I also don't think the T was very empathetic, it's a shame she couldn't work better with a silent client. I once had a terrible therapist like that, credentials up the &%# but indifferent and arrogant. It was good I eventually got up the courage to leave her, and I did leave her a bad review far down the line once I felt I could be objective about it. But having left that bad review, I wouldn't ever dream of trying to see her again.

[stopdog]

I did not say the therapist was obligated in any way - I found the therapist's response to be insane -not mature at all - but to me the clear way for the therapist to handle it would just be to decline - without all the temper tantrum part.

[Leah123]

Yes, I agree with that, except I figured maybe she was trying to reestablish her conditions- not to turn him away, but to make it workable for her. It would be too much of a conflict for me to have someone rate me as horrible on a review page, and then provide the requisite empathy and care in my office if that was still sitting there.

[Mully]

I agree with Leah123. You have every right to make a review and put whatever you want in it, but I also don't blame the therapist for reacting to it by no longer wanting to see you again after therapy being terminated and after her reading it. I don't mean to judge you in anyway- and I agree as well that the T seems to have issues of her own and shouldn't say "take it down and then we can talk"- that seems wrong to me also. I would assume that she wouldn't want to meet again with you after the review because that would be setting herself up for another harsh review if it didn't go well.

[stopdog]

If all the OP wanted was a final face to face meeting - then I think the therapist is completely out of line. It is not like the therapist is being asked to be all nice to the client for therapy.
They set the game up where they don't get to be human - they don't get to pick and choose when it suits them in my opinion. You should not be expected to suck up to or adore them.

[Mully]

I respectfully disagree with you, Stopdog. I don't think that T's stop being human because they are therapists. I think they have a responsibility to clients while they are clients, and they owe confidentiality and respect beyond that, but I don't think it's beyond that for perpetuity. I don't honestly understand the mindset that therapists and every single person in the field is superhuman because of their field of work.

[stopdog]

I in absolutely no way think a therapist is super human (I, in general, don't even think most of those people are above average intelligence - one does not have to be all that smart to do their job)- I think they set the game up and should not be allowed to change the rules when it suits them - those are very different ideas.

[Creative ToFu]

If I were a potential client, I would THANK you for leaving me a clue to stay clear of a therapist like this. I am sure you are not the only one who she does this to, among other things. There are just too many incompetent T's out there who should not be practicing in my view.
BUT:::::
In doing this review, you pretty much forfeited your chance for one last visit. I am not sure why you would want to see her again anyway.

I also want to add, if T is going to do crappy things to clients, and has a public business page that allows reviews, it IS going to catch up with her and the only one she can blame is herself for being incompetent on so many levels as a T and in her business practices. Therapy is a business just like all the others-you do good work, provide good care, you will get mostly good reviews. But then again, I don't place T's on a pedestal, and they have to do a competent job just like all the rest of us. If we don't, we get bad job reviews and get fired.

[TangerineBeam]

Originally Posted by Leah123

I don't understand how you'd want to scare away other clients but then expect her to take you back as a client without conditions after posting something saying she was not good at her work. And that's because, as you acknowledge, you just did it to get back at her.

I didn't expect her to take me back. That was my last attempt at understanding what exactly happened, to hear her side of the story. And I definitely didn't expect her to be all nice and forgiving to me. Just not this blatantly manipulative.

Originally Posted by Leah123

Yes, I agree with that, except I figured maybe she was trying to reestablish her conditions- not to turn him away, but to make it workable for her. It would be too much of a conflict for me to have someone rate me as horrible on a review page, and then provide the requisite empathy and care in my office if that was still sitting there.

Maybe, but as I said, removing my review doesn't change the way I think and feel about her. And I don't understand how it can change the way she feels about me. To me it seems she was just trying to cover her &#$.