[granite1]

I don't know what to do . I cant even say this person is a good friend just one of the crafty peeps I hang out with weekly at the local scrapbook store. she needs a huge amount of help. so the store owner who is her good friend suggested that she go to the place I go to . both people knew I was in T but I never said ware. it was never an issue. when she told me the place she was calling I said oh wow I go there . she asked who my T was and I said her name . I didn't think the odds were good she would get my T .I got a text from my friend all excited that the place that I go called her back and told her my T will be calling her next week to arrange an appointment.

I want to be adult about this .I really do .but I know my friend .she will spend any time we are even in the same room talking about her illness and her T . she will have ne problem coming to me if she has a problem with my T .I don't want to hear about my T from someone else .and I don't want her talking to my T about me .

Im scared to say anything to my T about it . in fact if I do ill need to call her and leave a message because she is out of the office until Monday. when she will call this person to make an appointment . I don't even have time to talk to her to her face. I don't know what to say . I am ashamed of myself for even feeling this way .

I feel I should tell her that I could stop T and give this person a chance ,or she could refer me to another T because really it isn't up to me to tell my T who she can see. and I don't want to either . I don't want her to hate me or be disgusted by me and my behavior around this .

Granite, just tell your T what you just wrote. If this friend is the type to talk incessantly about things and you already know her talking about her therapy with your T is going to be triggering, give your T a head's up about it. I'm sure your T can recommend someone else in the office or elsewhere. Your T will completely get that and completely understand.

[granite1]

I know chris and I probably will .im just sad because I have seen her for 4 years and it is going to suck to have to change but I understand it . I just hate it .

[AllHeart]

I think your T would see a conflict of interest in taking on this crafty friend. I know you are afraid to call your T, but I really think you need to. T needs to know the situation before calling this friend. Is emailing your T an option?

[ruh roh]

I agree with lolagrace. Leave a message for your therapist--just a quick heads up that so and so was referred to her and it would cause you too much distress if she sees both of you, that you don't know another way to handle this except to tell her before it all unravels. Otherwise, she will have no idea.

Originally Posted by granite1

I know chris and I probably will .im just sad because I have seen her for 4 years and it is going to suck to have to change but I understand it . I just hate it .

What is going to change? You let your T know your concerns and I suspect that will be the end of it.

[granite1]

this friend has already spent huge amounts of time complaining about everything they have had her do to register . demanding special treatment and complaining about how horrible the office people are etc... the only thing she has been happy about is that she has my T. she has asked about my T in the past .I would talk to her some about my experiences but not a huge amount . but I guess she likes how my T sounds or something . IDK

[stopdog]

I have found the therapist to stick with the old client and refer the new one on if it comes up that both are not okay with it. Granite -you have some control here - tell the therapist you know the friend and that it makes you uncomfortable. I imagine the therapist will take note of that and act accordingly -but even if the therapist were to, for some bizarre reason, not - at least you stood up for what you wanted.

[AllHeart]

Originally Posted by granite1

this friend has already spent huge amounts of time complaining about everything they have had her do to register . demanding special treatment and complaining about how horrible the office people are etc... the only thing she has been happy about is that she has my T. she has asked about my T in the past .I would talk to her some about my experiences but not a huge amount . but I guess she likes how my T sounds or something . IDK

It's good that you care, but this is not your problem to deal with. You need to think about what is best for you. Your friend can find another T. There are plenty out there. I hope you can make the call to your T.

[JaneTennison1]

Just tell T your feelings. You are doing well with T and are valued. Her scheduling is her issue to deal with, not yours.

[unaluna]

I agree it would be unethical, and i think your t is old school enough to recognize this. Hopefully this other person will write down somewhere that you "referred" her, and the office will figure it out that she needs to have a different t. Or if it were me, i would call the office and "nicely" remind them!

[Lauliza]

If you tell your t exactly what you said here she will most likely refer your friend out. It could be a conflict of interest and T will do the right thing.

I know I am going to be odd man out on this one, but I have never liked how your T interacts with you and I think a change might turn out to be awesome for you.

[nottrustin]

Tell your T. I am sure she will know how to handle it. I am pretty sure she will understand your feelings and will refer your "friend" to somebody else.

T had a similar situation except that I didn't know of the potential conflict. She asked me a few questions about family and said somebody was referred to her with my last name. She was just making sure we weren't related before taking on the client. A few months later I ran into a family member at the office she was seeing a different T I realized then why T was asking me those family questions.

Get on the phone and hold your ground. YOU have priority over this "newbie" crafty person. YOU have built a relationship of 4 yrs with this T and no one has the right to interfere. If your T takes her on then he is violating ethical and moral standards. If he takes her on REPORT HIM to every licensing authority he belongs to. Every state organization that has an interest in health care. If your T takes her on, lose him immediately and report him. He should not even think about betraying you. If he chooses her over you then he is a moron and is asking for trouble. Stay away from this crafty person too. She is looking to mess with you.

Originally Posted by mssofty

Get on the phone and hold your ground. YOU have priority over this "newbie" crafty person. YOU have built a relationship of 4 yrs with this T and no one has the right to interfere. If your T takes her on then he is violating ethical and moral standards. If he takes her on REPORT HIM to every licensing authority he belongs to. Every state organization that has an interest in health care. If your T takes her on, lose him immediately and report him. He should not even think about betraying you. He is a moron and is asking for trouble.

I don't think her T even knows about this yet, so jumping to reporting her is a bit of a leap at this point . . .

[musinglizzy]

My T will NOT knowingly see friends/family members of current clients. Conflict of interest. See if yours has this policy. Might be possible.

[pbutton]

Granite I think you should tell your T ASAP. A while back a friend of mine was considering seeing another T in my T's office. It wasn't a problem at all for me. When I mentioned it to T, he told me that if I ever needed him to so, he'd set up a scheduling rule so that I'd never run into my friend in the waiting room. And he did THAT for a situation where I wasn't bothered by her going to the office.

Also, when my sister wanted to see him a while back, he immediately said "Ah. I am not accepting new patients named pbutton's sissy right now, got it. I will be sure to do that. "

Hopefully your T will do whatever it takes to make you feel safe in her office. The sooner you tell her, the better the odds that she can fix it.

[pbutton]

Your friend doesn't even KNOW this T yet. She'll be fine if they switch her to a different T. You're the one with a relationship already established.

Definitely your T needs to know. He may consider it a conflict. If not, he still needs to know. Better u tell him now then she brings it up later.

[anilam]

Your T must know she is your friend to decide whether or not she is treating her. So I'd tell/call her ASAP. Also I'd talk to my friend and tell her I'm not OK with her seeing my T. If they still decide to meet up, I'd change Ts and wouldn't consider the friend to be my friend anymore.
May sound harsh but this is stg that is such a small thing for them and such a huge deal for you and if you are able to clearly communicate it to them and they still do as they please then I wouldn't consider those ppl as part of my support system anymore.
However, I think your T will "choose" you- I know my T would, he told me he wouldn't treat my family or friends (knowingly) even if I asked him to. It's his policy - and in my country it's a quite common one.

[brillskep]

Ugh, I feel for you. A friend of mine was in therapy with my therapist and it kind of ruined any friendship between us. You could let your therapist know you're not okay with this and hopefully that person never has to be a client of your therapist - she is not a client yet. Another very reasonable thing to do if your friend does start seeing your therapist, is ask her from the start not not to discuss either of your therapy with your therapist. This is setting a good boundary for yourself. It's true though that you can only ask and she may or may not respect your boundaries, and if she doesn't it's up to you whether or not you want to continue a friendship in which your boundaries are overstepped. But I think the ieal would be if your therapist didn't take her as a client and if she could be referred to another therapist in that practice.

I had several of my friends see my therapist, but it was because I referred them. I suspect if I had a strong opinion against sharing my therapist she would have referred them out. I hear your fear about your friend talking about therapy and said therapist. It was difficult for me. Because one friend I hung out with would go straight to my therapist juggler with me. My, no our therapist handled it beautifully with me in talking about how it affected me. I got over it rather quickly.

I really suggest you talk with or email your therapist asap, so she will know how you feel about the situation before she sees your friend. Because it ain't an easy situation.

Good luck, granite.

[granite1]

thanks everyone .im going to talk to her about it but I don't think I can ask her to keep me as much as I want to. it is hard for me to be that vulnerable with anyone especially her. god I can be such a winey baby. the risk of her saying no would probably make things so much worse . it is better to deal with it . and maybe at least I can be brave in going to see someone else or seeing if I can just not go to T any more . all this is messing with the ideas lately that she is looking for me to move on any way.

my friend was already told that she will be seeing my T and she was so happy about it . I didn't feel it was my place at all to tell her that I didn't think it would be ok or that I didn't want her seeing my T. I just said that she was a good T. she is already asking me all kind of questions about her. I don't want her to hate me either. she is involved in a big part of my life and can make it quite bad and to the point that I would not be able to go to the scrapbook store anymore to hang out and craft. I have watched her do this to others that she doesn't like . she has run them out by making it impossible to want to stay she has been so mean to them . I don't want that to happen to me . this is part of it also . if my T switches her to someone else she will know it is because of me and im not kidding there will be hell to pay because she wants to see my T. she really has a lot of issues and needs help. and to be honest im afraid of her

[nervous puppy]

This is just a thought, but are there other scrapbook stores around that you might be able to go to? This "friend" sounds toxic.