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  #1  
Old Jun 17, 2015, 11:13 AM
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wotchermuggle wotchermuggle is offline
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What would you do in this situation if it happened to you?

You are encouraged to email with your therapist frequently. In one email, you discuss a topic that you clearly express that you do not want to discuss in person during a session. Then, in session, your therapist brings it up and notes that you said you didn't want to discuss it in person during a session and comments that you are shutting off a conversation about said topic before it even begins.

What would you do? You know it's an important topic, but you are ashamed about it. You've never discussed it before and it was something you told yourself you'd never discuss in therapy. You know you need to make changes in this area, but still do not want to discuss it in person because of the embarrassment, shame, humiliation, and disgust that arises in you because of it.

(It could be any topic, but personally it's about being dinosaur-like fat while your T is a healthy, active, and normal weight.)
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  #2  
Old Jun 17, 2015, 11:30 AM
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junkDNA junkDNA is offline
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hmmm i dont know. i would feel uncomfortable and angry. ive done that numerous times...texted or emailed my T something and said i didnt wanna talk about it yet. hes respected it every time. he never pushes me to talk about things that are hard.

i would probly bring it up with my T that i hoped he will respect my wishes and not push my boundaries
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  #3  
Old Jun 17, 2015, 11:49 AM
Bill3 Bill3 is offline
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Quote:
and comments that you are shutting off a conversation about said topic before it even begins.
Yes, T, I am. It was all I could do to talk about it in the email. Perhaps in time I will be able to speak about it in person.
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  #4  
Old Jun 17, 2015, 11:53 AM
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precaryous precaryous is offline
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I would feel angry...I feel angry for you! ..especially the matter-of-fact way she dealt with it.

You are in charge. You choose the direction that is taken during that hour.
  #5  
Old Jun 17, 2015, 12:08 PM
JaneTennison1 JaneTennison1 is offline
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If you mention it in email then I think you do want to talk about it deep down. I think you know you must and it's not unsurprising for a T to bring up. To me it's a huge red flag of an issue that should be brought to the table. If you didn't want it to be then why email it at all? You are in charge and can say that for now you can't go further but wanted it out there without discussion. Put it on the backburner but I don't think it's weird to at least probe at such an important thing even if you never go anywhere else with it.
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  #6  
Old Jun 17, 2015, 01:19 PM
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wotchermuggle wotchermuggle is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by junkDNA View Post
hmmm i dont know. i would feel uncomfortable and angry. ive done that numerous times...texted or emailed my T something and said i didnt wanna talk about it yet. hes respected it every time. he never pushes me to talk about things that are hard.

i would probly bring it up with my T that i hoped he will respect my wishes and not push my boundaries

It is rare for my T to push me. If I say no, that's it. He wasn't being rude about it or anything, but I just was a bit thrown.

Quote:
Originally Posted by precaryous View Post
I would feel angry...I feel angry for you! ..especially the matter-of-fact way she dealt with it.

You are in charge. You choose the direction that is taken during that hour.

He has rarely pushed an issue and he's very kind. I was just embarrassed that I had to say "I don't want to talk about it".

Quote:
Originally Posted by JaneTennison1 View Post
If you mention it in email then I think you do want to talk about it deep down. I think you know you must and it's not unsurprising for a T to bring up. To me it's a huge red flag of an issue that should be brought to the table. If you didn't want it to be then why email it at all? You are in charge and can say that for now you can't go further but wanted it out there without discussion. Put it on the backburner but I don't think it's weird to at least probe at such an important thing even if you never go anywhere else with it.

I didn't bring it up in an email on my own. It was a response to something he said about being more active that I shared what I did.

I guess I'm just at a loss for what to do. It's not like I haven't tried to change. It's been a long struggle and for it to be a struggle that's so obvious because everyone can see it and I still can't change it.... It's mortifying.

And it ties into every part of my life. I hate how I look so it keeps me from going out. I have only one real life friend really. She lost a ton of weight on her own and now I feel weird and out of place with her. It makes me feel terrible emotionally. My doctor is on me to make changes this summer and he wants to seem me after the season to see how it's going. Eating is so emotional for me.

I really hate how I look and I hate how it makes me feel. I have no self worth because I all anyone sees is the FAT. Do you know how embarrassing and terrible that makes a person feel?

Ugh.
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  #7  
Old Jun 17, 2015, 01:26 PM
Bill3 Bill3 is offline
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  #8  
Old Jun 17, 2015, 02:14 PM
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ruh roh ruh roh is offline
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I would not be able to talk about body image with a male therapist. Can you see another just for that, or is this guy a really great therapist for you otherwise?
  #9  
Old Jun 17, 2015, 02:32 PM
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growlycat growlycat is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wotchermuggle View Post

(It could be any topic, but personally it's about being dinosaur-like fat while your T is a healthy, active, and normal weight.)
Oh, lots of hugs. This is me and T completely!!

I struggle to get out walking or to the gym a couple of times a week while he discusses rock wall climbing or 6k runs. For f's sake I can't keep up.

As far as not wanting to talk about humiliating stuff but knowing I need to, I get that too. I've been unfair to CBT T by complaining that he has never asked about my past trauma or what it is, shown no interest. At the same time he has since asked and I've shut him down on those conversations.

I'm trying to leave the door open for the future so I just tell him I'm not ready yet.
  #10  
Old Jun 17, 2015, 03:07 PM
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ScarletPimpernel ScarletPimpernel is offline
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I won't talk to my T about diet, exercise, weight, body image, etc. She knows that I struggle with weight (it's obvious), and she got me to tell her I struggle with binge eating and emotional eating, but I told her I refuse to go further.

I would be angry if my T tried to push me to go into details about something I'm not ready to talk about. I mean, at least you introduced the topic in your email. You took the first step.

I would explain to her about how her pushing you made you feel. Explain that it's a difficult topic for you and you're not ready yet, and that you don't want to be pushed on this subject. You could even write her another email stating this if it's easier for you.

I do understand. I locked myself in my house for 6 years. I was ashamed of myself (and afraid of people). I gained so much weight. I didn't go out of the house to exercise, I didn't cook, I ate whatever my fiance brought home.

I did lose weight, but have gained it back again. Losing weight is a slow process. To start increasing exercise, just walk for 15mins a day. The goal is to reach an hour of walking or other activities. That's according to the american heart association. And optimally, you want to exercise 20mins after every meal. For diet, just eat a little less or replace foods with something healthier. Example: you want to eat a burger, french fries, and a soda. Maybe eat a turkey or chicken burger, or a salad instead of fries, or a tea instead of soda. Or eat smaller portions. Optimally, you actually want to eat six smaller meals a day.

Yes, it's easier said than done. Why I gained my weight back. But that's why you need to go slow. Only make one change at a time. I choose to start with exercise first because changing my diet is difficult for me.

Anyways, best of luck. And I hope your T stops pushing you.
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  #11  
Old Jun 17, 2015, 04:03 PM
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divine1966 divine1966 is offline
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Hmm why is she pushing? It is a sensitive topic. I have topics I don't want to discuss outside of very general description. I told t I don't want to discuss it and she said "of course, you don't have to discuss anything you don't want to". Your t is being insensitive

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