[Elkino]

I'm having a question for those who already experienced something similar.

I ended up having a big bruise/wound on my arm this week. I'm having a therapy session today and I'm actually always wearing short sleeves. But I don't feel like talking about what happened. I also feel a bit stupid about wearing a sweater only to cover it up (while it's pretty warm here right now).
So I don't know what to do...
Do you manage to say you don't want to talk about it when your T would ask you about what happened? I think I could, but I feel as if that would make it sound even 'worse', while it's not. I just want to avoid the topic.

Any tips on how to do that?

[Crazy Hitch]

I appreciate the difficulty of the decision you are faced with Elkino

If it's really not that comfortable for you to discuss right now, perhaps a simple statement like: "I'm not ready to discuss this with you yet, thank you," might suffice, this leaves some opening that you might be willing to discuss it at some further stage down the track.

Hope this helps a bit.

[Elkino]

Thanks for your reply!
Yes, I was thinking about something similar. But then again, it sounds a bit as if it would be worth talking about it at a later time. Then it sounds this overly dramatic again... (or maybe that's just me).

[BayBrony]

I'm not sure why you wouldn't want to talk about it since i love regaling my T with the stories of my injuries ( I've broken both ankles since starting T) . However usually with a bruise you can just say "you know I bruise really easily and I'm not even sure what happened". This works best if you are fair skinned but I know several people who get huge bruises they have no memory of getting. You can also just make up something that sounds innocuous like you tripped bringing in groceries ( if you are OK with white lies. My own horse broke my ankle but it was my fault not his and I told everyone I fell on the ice because people already think my horse Is a bit of a freak). You can also just come in and be really focused on a topic and act like it's no big deal.
You are under no obligation to tell your T the truth about EVERYTHING even though it does help.

[Elkino]

Originally Posted by BayBrony

I'm not sure why you wouldn't want to talk about it since i love regaling my T with the stories of my injuries ( I've broken both ankles since starting T) . However usually with a bruise you can just say "you know I bruise really easily and I'm not even sure what happened". This works best if you are fair skinned but I know several people who get huge bruises they have no memory of getting. You can also just make up something that sounds innocuous like you tripped bringing in groceries ( if you are OK with white lies. My own horse broke my ankle but it was my fault not his and I told everyone I fell on the ice because people already think my horse Is a bit of a freak). You can also just come in and be really focused on a topic and act like it's no big deal.
You are under no obligation to tell your T the truth about EVERYTHING even though it does help.

I've just ended up in so many accidents, stupidities, even surgeries... that every new wound to me feels as if this can't be a coincidence anymore. I even notice people around me questioning those things. And that's exactly why I want to avoid the topic. But I'm afraid that by avoiding it will sound even more 'suspicious'.

I don't feel comfortable with white lies. I know people definitely will notice it when I'm telling a lie. So I don't want to do that and ruin the trust I think I've built up in the relationship with my therapist.

But thanks for mentioning I don't have to tell the truth about everything. I sometimes seem to forget that I have the right not to talk about certain topics if I don't want to.

Going in and acting as if it's not a big thing... If someone's able to do that, I guess it's a good solution. I know that if I'd do that and my T would ask about it anyway, I wouldn't know how to react anymore... at all!! :-)

The sweater may still be the easiest solution after all... But I'm kinda into challenging my fears, so I could try to come up with something else. Still a couple of hours left...

[stopdog]

I have refused to talk about things until I am ready or sometimes nver. I just say "accident. It is fine. I am not going to discuss it here" and I go on. If the woman were to return to it, I would simply repeat the same thing.

[Elkino]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I have refused to talk about things until I am ready or sometimes nver. I just say "accident. It is fine. I am not going to discuss it here" and I go on. If the woman were to return to it, I would simply repeat the same thing.

Wow! Wish I could do that. I'd feel wayyyy too obligated to tell... And if I wouldn't, wayyyy too guilty. :-(

[BayBrony]

I love my therapist and we have a great relationship but if there was something I didn't want to talk about it I'd just say it's no big deal. Or I don't want to talk about it but I am ok. It must be quite a bruise if you are sure she will notice . I get knocked around constantly at work and I always have cuts and bruises on my arms and legs. T only notice when I had broken bones and when I had stitches ( casts/large bandages) . But why not give an edited version of what happened? " I ffell but feel stupid about it and don't want to talk about it"

[Elkino]

Yes, it's quite hard to ignore actually. I'm skinny, so the bruise is about half of the size of my arm. It's just huge... If it were smaller it would be easier to come up with a white lie too (even though it wouldn't be my first option) or to just blame it on clumsiness or whatever.

And I'm just very very bad at saying 'no'. I'm quite sure that if my T would ask, I would feel as if I HAVE to tell... to eventually feel bad about that, because I actually don't want to tell.

[ruh roh]

A couple thoughts:

The more you write, the more important the bruise sounds in your life; so that might be something to consider talking about down the road.

If you don't want to talk about it right now, and she asks, maybe say something like, "I'd like to save that for another session." And then move on to another topic. If she presses, just restate that you'll get back to it another time.

My therapist would never press me, but everyone is different and I don't know how yours operates. She also doesn't make a big deal of injuries (unless, in one case, she questioned if I'd had a concussion because of the way I was acting) and only comments if I've brought it up.

[BayBrony]

Well the more work you go to to avoid talking about it the bigger deal it seems. Even I'm starting to wonder what is really going on now. If you won't say you don't want to talk about it and you won't just make up a reason you are OK with ( btw in my experience when someone tells a white lie to hide embarrassment over something it's pretty rare to lose trust if it comes out--my best friend lied to me for several weeks about what she was going to the doctor so much for. Turns out she was having a giant genital wart removed and was embarassed. When she finally told me I was upset with her for exactly zero seconds)
If you won't do either of those then your options are use make up to hide it or use clothes to hide it. Because if she notices and asks your only options are tell the truth, lie,or say you don't want to discuss it. But seriously people lie out of embarrassment about health and sec things all the time and it's ok. My old boss's husband had surgery that left him bed ridden for several weeks. He told us he was having an abdominal hernia repaired. About a year later it turned out he was having a several foot long ingrown hair removed from his butt. Again when we found out no one blamed him for lying. Once the situation was over he got over the embarrassment and eventually told what really happened.

[RedSun]

I've avoided it before without lying.
My T would maybe say something like 'oh, you have a plaster on your arm' and I'd just say 'ummm' and change the subject. She wouldn't pursue it. You don't have to elaborate if your T does mention it, but I agree that it's a good idea to have a phrase 'ready', so you feel prepared. Something that's not a lie, but clear you don't want to talk.

[growlycat]

I used to go to group T in my early years. A young woman who self harmed, when questioned about new bandaging would only say "crocodiles". That seemed to shut down further questioning.

But I would recommend leaving the door open to talk about it later. I often say to T "I'm not ready to talk about it today, maybe later."

[ScarletPimpernel]

I have a lot of SI scars. If people can see them then they might ask, but probably not. That's woth the general public. If people who know me saw me with a new injury, they would ask. A T would most likely ask.

I don't understand the fear behind telling your T unless it was caused by you or someone else. And if that's the case, it's important you tell your T. If someone else did this to you, you don't have to say who, but you should say how it happened. If you did it, well you should talk about why. If you fell, did something on accident, etc. there's nothing to be ashamed about.

It does seem like you're making a big deal out of this which leads me to believe that it's something that needs to be talked about.

And btw, I have had to explain accidents as a SI'er. It sucks. I accidentally cut myself while shaving, sog scratches me, cut myself on accident in the kitchen... any time someone sees a new cut I have to explain myself. I've gotten to the point where I just say "yes, I have a new cut because I did xyz". But I have no shame. And when my fiance broke my elbow, I had to explain that to everyone.

I would suggest just telling your T. You might feel a lot of anxiety about it, but it sounds like you've going to do it anyway since it's too hot to cover up and you don't like lyi g.

[ethanbridges]

You've got to respect yourself. But try to open up more as time goes by. Just prepare yourself when the right time comes, when you'd finally talk about that which you don't want to talk about right now. Take it slow, take it easy. I just think it might actually help you when you talk about it with your T, or with anyone else you trust.

Hope you're doing fine. Don't rush things, alright?

I would personally go for "Nothing important" or "Nothing important enough to talk about." You can also go for a one-worded answer such as "Fell" if that's the truth.

Or, if you dare, you can say "Why don't you guess and I'll say if you're right?" I wouldn't personally have the guts, but maybe you do.

Or you can say "I prefer not to say" or "I'm embarassed/It's embarassing so I'll keep quiet".

Or you can say "It's not self-inflicted, if that's what you're wondering, but I really don't feel like talking about how I got it." Or "It's a bit of a long story and not what I'm here to talk about today."

Have you already been to see T? How did it go?

[Elkino]

Thank you all for the replies. I appreciate the input.
After all I decided to go with long sleeves. I just don't feel strong enough to say 'no' yet. And I know my T would ask me about what happened, because she always asks things like that when I have even a tiny bandage, a scar,...
But I also know it would be good to talk about it, because it wasn't a random stupidity or clumsiness this time. I guess the bruise won't be gone by the next time we speak and might look a bit less dramatic by then, so maybe I'll get another chance to bring it up.

[SoupDragon]

Yes I'd go with long sleeves.

[musinglizzy]

Instead of a sweater, find a long sleeved t-shirt if it's a big deal for you. My T has always noticed if I'm wearing a bandaid, I kinda find it annoying actually. Although, they've always been on a finger or hand, and she knows I used to pick at my thumb knuckle when I was a kid, to the point if it being horribly raw. I actually did have a small paper cut on the side of my thumb once, and had a bandaid on...so knowing that history about me, she did bring it up. I haven't been picking at my thumbs for YEARS. I've actually taken bandaids off right before a session to avoid her asking about it. They're often paper cuts or something...I get a lot of those at work working with boxes and things. Because she'd notice the bandaid, not the cut itself. Then I'll put a bandaid on again as soon as I get to my car. When I read the subject line, I thought you were going to mention scars from self harm. I have them, but we have never discussed them, nor have I ever pointed them out. She knows they're there. But I don't make a big deal...those are from two decades ago and I have to live with that reminder forever.

[musinglizzy]

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

It does seem like you're making a big deal out of this which leads me to believe that it's something that needs to be talked about.

I agree with this....

[emwell]

If it is too hot for long sleeves, your T will notice. Purposely hiding the bruise is no different from lying in my opinion.
My T knows that when I am wearing long sleeves on a warm day, my OCD is acting up or I have something to hide that should be discussed.
I hope you figure it out.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Elkino]

Originally Posted by emwell

If it is too hot for long sleeves, your T will notice. Purposely hiding the bruise is no different from lying in my opinion.
My T knows that when I am wearing long sleeves on a warm day, my OCD is acting up or I have something to hide that should be discussed.
I hope you figure it out.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Thanks for your reply. I don't really think it's a lie, although I don't feel good about hiding it either. Don't think it was the right thing to do.
But I'd have felt even more guilty if I'd have come up with a lie because I wasn't able to tell the truth.
Talking about it or simply saying that I didn't want to talk about it would have been the right thing to do, I agree... if only I knew how.