[DelusionsDaily]

How do break a lifetime of self-created shame belief? I've truly believed for nearly 25 years that I was/am a mistake. Mind you my parents never told me this but have gone out of their way to prove otherwise. Recent aha moment has pre-empted this question. I know precisely when and how this life of shame started but that's not helping anything. I'm really stumped.

[CANDC]

Low esteem and shame are self feeding conditions. The more low esteem, the more shame and guilt is generated.

How would you bring this up to a therapist?

[musinglizzy]

Originally Posted by DelusionsDaily

How do break a lifetime of self-created shame belief? I've truly believed for nearly 25 years that I was/am a mistake. Mind you my parents never told me this but have gone out of their way to prove otherwise. Recent aha moment has pre-empted this question. I know precisely when and how this life of shame started but that's not helping anything. I'm really stumped.

I know that feeling. I guess I was born to believe it. My mom was 16, and her parents refused to let her have an abortion. Here I am, 41 years later, seeing a psychologist twice a week....

[Sarah1985]

I think you have to go back and heal what caused it. Not the answer your looking for, but dissecting the origin and healing that, will hopefully give you new insight on the shame, so you can move past it.

[unaluna]

Shame was my parents one and only parenting technique. No matter WHAT i did, "arent you shame?" Im ashamed you dont even know how to pronounce it right! God how long have i been waiting to say THAT!!

I bent over backwards to deny i felt any shame at all - that is not a good option. Unconditional positive regard and good trustworthy moral guidance from my current t, just talking about how regular people see or handle things or situations, has helped me develop a better conscience. One that is not so negative towards myself or others, and more loving and positive and forgiving towards everyone. Yet still holding my own boundaries, protecting myself. Shame is intrusive.

I was a mistake and then adopted which was a mistake.
I think we give therapy enough time to 'learn' us.
I read up on trauma bonding. That helped me a lot.
Society seems to get off on shame. Count me out is what I say.

[divine1966]

I am not sure I understand. Is it Shame because of unwanted pregnancy of your parents? Is it even important? I was an accident so was my brother. I don't give it time of the day, makes no difference . My brother has three kids one an accident, one planned , and one adopted. It is all the same! We are here and that's what matters

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[emptyspace]

I feel just like you, but I was told I was a mistake by a lot of people.
I have no idea how to get over it. I am not sure people can?!
Just wanted you to know that you are not the only one.

[unaluna]

Dear Abby once ran a survey and figured out like 67 percent of kids were here "by mistake". So...

[divine1966]

My parents didn't plan us but planned third child and mom lost it. Never got pregnant again. So there are no rules in life and things happen the way they suppose to. We are supposed to be so we are

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[SoupDragon]

But what if none of us were a mistake or an accident. What if everything is exactly how it is meant to be? What if all these things are there to help us learn?

[divine1966]

From the beginning of time women get unexpectedly pregnant. In fact before birth control everyone got pregnant unplanned. Nobody planned childbirth, it just happened.

Nowadays many societies and religions don't use birth control and randomly get pregnant or don't. By this logic every religious catholic, Orthodox Jew or religious Muslim is a mistake As they could get pregnant any time they have sex. Nobody calls these kids mistakes. I refuse to call children born unplanned "a mistake".

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[JustShakey]

My kids' father was a mistake, but my kids sure as hell aren't.