"Held in mind" - what does it mean?

My T is very fond of this phrase.

By way of background, we were talking this week about the limitations of the therapist/client relationship and how that can be difficult. I opened up about my attachment/dependency which felt really uncomfortable and she replied that, whilst there are practical and moral reasons for the limits on the relationship (i.e. it cannot be more than it is, cannot exist on real terms outside of the therapy room etc), she said that there are 'no limitations to being held in mind'.

Any ideas what this actually means? She has used it before many times. Does it just mean that she's thinking of me?

Thank you!

When I've heard the phrase, it means that the one who is held in mind can feel the care and presence of the holder even when apart, if the relationship has been properly developed. But why not ask her to explain?

Yes, I think it means she thinks of you. Think about people you think about -- whether you like them or not. There are "triggers" to thinking about them, things you have shared together in your relationship, just the two of you. I once had an online friend in a forum like this who would overdose on Tylenol and we were thinking about how to help that and I suggested that she overdose on grapes instead when she'd get mad -- eat 100 grapes instead of 100 Tylenol (which landed her in the hospital). Well, next time I was at the grocery store, I saw the grapes and guess who I thought of? We'd laughed at overdosing on grapes (don't know if you've ever eaten too many, it's not fun but the thought is funny) so I smiled when I saw the grapes, thinking of her and our relationship, etc.

Therapists are like our friends, relatives, families, etc. and have connections and relationships with the people in their lives and we're one of those people! When we think about actual characteristics of people in our lives, remember conversations or experiences we've had with them, that's because they are part of us, of our memories and mind. Be careful though, we can make stuff up, wish and imagine stuff and that's not the same thing. Imagining what you think it would be like to live with one's T is not the same as knowing T's favorite color is blue (my T's favorite color) and thinking of her when you see something lovely in blue.

I love this. Beautifully simple.

I can tell ya what it does NOT mean. A few years ago i was at my mothers doing some yard work so she made me a bowl of pasta for lunch. She asked me how much grated cheese i wanted on it. I said just put some. She put on so much you could hardly see the pasta. She said, thats how your brother likes it, with lots of cheese. So - i think she has held him in mind, but never me - she has no idea how much cheese i like on my pasta.

Thank you all for your replies. That makes sense. Perna, I like your explanation very much. Thank you. I was laughing at the grape thing too!

I may get brave one day and ask her what it means, from her perspective.

Hankster's comment reminds me so much of my own parents. I don't feel "held in mind" by them. Or perhaps it is something different, like not being important enough to keep me in mind. For example, one time my parents were going through the Green River area, which is known for having great melons. I asked them to please pick me up a honeydew melon. I specifically told them my husband was allergic to cantaloupe. Guess what they brought? A cantaloupe. Not just once, but about 3 years in a row, even though I kept telling them we couldn't eat cantaloupe. Finally, they did bring us a honeydew, but it was an old one they got at half price. Still sweet, but rather mushy. It's those kind of things that, done repeatedly over the years, causes a deep-seated feeling of being kept "out of mind" instead of "kept in mind." It's a bit like feeling invisible.

I am okay with parents or friends or loved ones doing it. It sounds a bit creepy to me from a therapist. I don't want the one I see doing it at me.

I do think it is a little creepy when a therapist does it. It seems like it is crossing boundaries or something like that. Not exactly that, but something like that. Ick.

I agree with those above about holding the therapist in mind, but would just like to add a bit more to it. Small children aren't able to hold inside the image and love of their mom, so must have them in sight or very near until they grow to the stage where they can have enough of mom to feel her constantly there even while apart, at school, etc. Some us in therapy ( like me) are re-experiencing our early childhood with T at the stage where we can't hold T in mind and the separations between sessions, especially vacations, etc are excruciating anxiety and grief. My T explains how I need to have enough of her presence and gentleness for a long enough time that my inner child builds up a "bank account" of good relations to hold me together better in absence of T.

So, it's good to be able to talk about this stuff to the therapist so she can tell where you are at inside so she can try to make the schedule even for you, or go twice a week, etc. Tho therapists are assumed to be mind readers, sometimes they can fail to realize some things that really hurt you until you can tell them directly. My parents would use my fear to tease me, and I was paranoid about letting T know. So I finally got enough trust to tell her how horrible it was for me to skip sessions, etc. She was careful then to keep my sessions even.
We don't learn to be apart by just practicing at it, but by building a foundation of good relations with T that make independence come naturally. We missed all that stage in childhood, which is why we re-do it in therapy.
I came from an abusive background where admitting fears and needs would make my parents do more to me on purpose to make it worse, or to try to make me strong by forced separation (which didn't work at that age).
Then, just this past year at T's vacation time, I realized to my amazement that I didn't feel so deep anxiety at her being away, as it seemed like she was sort of with me anyway. It was hard to wait but not nearly so bad as the years before. But that came by building a relationship with T that made a thick, woven cushion inside of strengths and memories. Actually,ironically, this relation with T doesn't make us more dependent but instead gives us a foundation we missed, from which we can feel OK to explore out in the world, and actually builds into more true independence.
That's a very important part of therapy for us who have had rejection and deprivation in early life. And I think this is also what your T means by being held in mind.

My stepmother bought my clothes or went along to buy them until I was in my 20's and I remember how upset she was the first time I bought something for myself without her there (and, an expensive winter coat at that :-) But your cheese thing, hankster, reminded me of when I asked for a rain coat for Christmas and how anxious my stepmother was buying it without me there! She did buy a wonderful one, with a zip-out lining so I could wear it whatever season, but it was a couple sizes too big! I finally figured out one day in therapy; she was intimidated by me and "saw" me as psychologically larger than I was. It could be your mother is afraid of not giving you enough, like maybe your anger or disappointment would hurt her. If you haven't let her feed you lately and your brother has, she could just have been making sure you would get "enough".

T has gone to Venice for a few days. We were talking about whether it will smell in June. I'd gone at Xmas and it said it was fine art that time of year.
Today she sent a photo and a short note: I'm relieved is not as smelly as we thought.
I think that's another example of being held in mind.
She carried that convo with her and thought of it.