Therapist humanoid versus an actual human

Thanks for this.

Yes IFS is weird sometimes. She doesn't focus on the relationship between us too much, but she focuses on me helping myself. Or having my inner true self comfort the rest of myself.

In two years, we've barely talked about our therapeutic relationship, outside of emailing over some ruptures, and I wonder why. The topic makes me highly uncomfortable and so maybe she never pushed it.

My next appointment will be interesting, that's for sure.

Ok so what do I say when I go in next? I have no idea what to say.

The problem with that is, a lot of them work in a model where the relationship is the therapy. The personal level very much matters. Doesn't sound like the poster in this case has that kind of therapist, but mine is all about the relationship. So if he didn't give a toss one way or another, it would at the very least mean that there was something disingenuous at play.

PeeJay, so sorry! I think your opening post was really well written, but understand if you don't feel up to sharing it with your therapist.

I don't think mine would care. He has a waiting list. He'd probably be happy to work with someone new.

I very much believe there is disingenuousness at play when dealing with a therapist.

The first thing you mention, that she didn´t respond to your e-mail, I feel she should have but when she at least could confess she didn´t know what to do, I think that shows her human side of herself. That she admits to crying when reading it is also showing a human side, many T:s would never be that personal with a client.

By that I don´t defend her actions in any way.

The second example you give, to me that shows that she wants you to be aware of some kind of boundaries. She perhaps feels too close to you or that you are too close to her because you say you´re excited for her trip. But her saying that I think is done in an unprofessional manner and why tell you about her trip in the first place if she doesn´t want you to have any reactions about it. Just stupid, to me such behaviour just shows she doesn´t know how to draw boundaries.

The last thing she said, I apprehend that as rather cruel in fact. I don´t think she meant it that way but she seems to have no knowledge about how you or other clients get attached to her and what she means to you and them. Perhaps it was meant as a joke and if I were you I´d really try to ask her why she said that. I would try to ask rather frankly if she felt I should quit therapy.

I think you did the right thing when you just left, didn´t she say anything or try to stop you when you did?

I would have thought exactly as you did, to really try not to cry and then I´d also just leave. I assume she like many other T:s will just hide behind her therapist role and play innocent.