What do you remember?

I have been very interested in Yalom's claim that clients tend to remember the small stuff in therapy. That he was shocked to find out that clients do not remember the 'brilliant' interpretations and insight.

I would like to start a thread (possibly weekly) to find out what we remember about our most recent sessions.

So, if you would be so kind... ... please tell me what struck you the most about your most recent session. It can be something your T said, a look that he/she gave, body language, an expression of emotion, etc. Don't think too hard! It should be something that stuck out to you.

I would like to see if there are patterns or similarities in the things that we remember.

As for my Friday session, I remember the look in his eyes when I told him, "my unconscious doesn't know the difference between therapy once per week, and no therapy at all." His eyes demonstrated a matching of emotion in that very moment. He was right there with me, sharing in the pain of my disconnect. As much as I complained about him in regards to this last session, this was a striking moment for me. All in his eyes.

My T looked me in the eye and told me she was going to beat the cancer this time. Then she hugged me and told me not to worry, she would be fine and would see me soon.

T pointing out to me that if I allow myself to relax with her that she won't tell me I'm adopted and how relationship has been a sham.

Other times its been a look.

We were rather intense and going back and forth and I said something like how do I get to the other side....meaning the unconscious alliance with him. There had been alot of eyeball to eyeball verbal confrontation back and forth. He said -by doing just this.

That, gave me hope....and somehow I felt we had turned a corner and were making progress and I had permission to be who I was needing to be and express what I needed to. We both would.

LOL...I also told him that I felt he was jabbing me in past recent sessions and I made my hand like I was putting a knife in his gut and twisting it... He thought that was great...

Still working things through....

Is that because our unconscious internalizes the big stuff?

Last session was pretty intense for me but what stands out beyond that is that when i walked in, I said, "It's summer out today." T said, "You look like summer. "

Strange, huh?

That is because the alliance of the unconscious will allow us to both work better on the core ...that needs to change...despite myself. Yup ...the core is the ultimate big stuff.

Sounds delightful to look like summer... happy mother's day.

My therapist has given me a few compliments recently. I'll stick with last session since that's what you asked for. He told me that I had looked terrific the evening before (I came to group therapy the night before really dressed up because of a work event that day). All the insightful things he said and I felt the best when he told me I looked good. Pathetic, hunh? He's only complimented me a few times in the year+ that I've seen him, and I quickly told him he'd give me a big head. I was glowing all day about that though. Wish I had more good excuses to dress up for work.

Not sure if therapists are supposed to avoid complimenting their clients or not (and he's only done so maybe 3 times), but it sure felt great when he did. And I always try to look nice when I go there (yes I'm pathetic).

Sidony

From my thread "Warm Therapy Moments", this is from my last session Friday:

I asked at the end of the session, one of my 'please reassure me' questions... "Am I doing ok in here?" and added "If I wasn't doing ok or if you felt I was not capable of depth work, would you tell me?".

She said I was doing fine like last week she said 'You are just where you need to be right now'. And that yes she would tell me.

I said good because I wouldn't want to be wasting her time and she said immediately, "or yours".

I said, "I want a grade!" and laughed! She did too, then gently said with such kindness in her eyes and in her wonderfully soothing and warm tone, "There are no grades in therapy.".

I knew that. But I wanted her to say it anyway. I didn't expect it to feel so good though. It had a feeling of intimacy about it that I just really really love.

ECHOES

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sister said:

Last session was pretty intense for me but what stands out beyond that is that when i walked in, I said, "It's summer out today." T said, "You look like summer. "


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OMG, I love this.

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sidony said:
My therapist has given me a few compliments recently. I'll stick with last session since that's what you asked for. He told me that I had looked terrific the evening before (I came to group therapy the night before really dressed up because of a work event that day). All the insightful things he said and I felt the best when he told me I looked good. Pathetic, hunh? He's only complimented me a few times in the year+ that I've seen him, and I quickly told him he'd give me a big head. I was glowing all day about that though. Wish I had more good excuses to dress up for work.

Not sure if therapists are supposed to avoid complimenting their clients or not (and he's only done so maybe 3 times), but it sure felt great when he did. And I always try to look nice when I go there (yes I'm pathetic).

Sidony

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T has never complimented how I look. I get the urge to go into a Friday session wearing an evening gown or something.

Interestingly, I had a T before I left NY-- only saw him for a few weeks. The only thing that stands out from our work together was one night when I had my hair up, and I had this small, (fake) pink flower placed in it. He commented on how much he liked the flower in my hair.

I wish I could break my T down. Maybe that's part of the reason I feel the need to look great every time I go to therapy. It's like a conquest that I doubt I will ever succeed in. He's such a %#@&amp;#! blank slate; sometimes it really does kill me. Maybe I'm getting tired of not seeing him as a real person-- maybe (watch out-- revelation ahead, lol) when on Friday, I told him, "I am the one who has to deal with all the intense emotions of our relationship, and you don't have to feel a %#@&amp;#! thing" was me getting sick of seeing him as an object, but refusing to accept that he can reciprocate feelings like a real person.

I have no problem recognizing that he can feel my emotions along with me. But as far as reciprocation, or feeling something for me... well that is a different story.

Wow.

I need a cigarette, lol.

I went in one day after drying my hair on the way with both windows open...lol... I thought my hair looked great. In session I said ....my hair looks great doesn't it? He said well yes. I said ... I wish you would compliment me sometime.

He never does...but he wears the same thing...though respectible sturdy clothes.

He did once mention that my indian flowy skirt had a hole in it at the bottom... I acted clueless... I knew it was there... and I think he knew I knew it was there. OK.... did not wear it again. Sigh.

Oops.... these were not this week.... and the skirt thing was years ago. Excuse.

I like the little things because they don't seem so scripted. SOmetimes I can tell the "revelations" are ones she shares with others.. but the little things.. are so personal.
Last session, my T made a comment about my weight (constructive one since i have an ed).. and also told me that she sees me holding things inside and i seems like i'm going to cry. I was happy that shee saw ME

Last session was my first couples session with my husband. Several things stand out to me.

I liked how T adapted his position in the room to where my husband and I chose to sit. I sat in my normal place, and my husband sat across from me, in T's typical place, so T sat at 90 degree angle to us both, exactly in between us. I liked how he was so adaptable and didn't try to control where we sat.

I liked how T tried to take care of me in the session. He had told me it would be hard to move from individual to couples therapy, but he would look out for me and make sure I was taken care of. So occasionally during the session he would turn to me and check in, asking me how I was doing.

I was pretty quiet in the session, and T knew my goals. I liked how he would listen to something my husband said or was projecting and turn to me and say, "did you hear what he said?" Or "do you feel that?" And emphasize something he didn't want me to miss, as it aligned with part of what I told T I had wanted from the joint session. He was taking great care that I abstracted as much meaning as possible from the session.

On the way out, T shook first my husband's hand, then mine. He has never shaken mine before, so I liked that. As we shook, I said thank you from my heart as I looked into his eyes. Then he put his arm around me and gave me a little sideways hug. He's only done that once before, after a really intense session. I felt like he really cared. I hope he went home after this session and felt great about his role. He did a really good thing for us.

emotional attunement

right hemisphere - right hemisphere communication

(i think thats the idea)