[ThingWithFeathers]

My t is away on holiday for a week. I'm not too anxious about her being gone and I'm not worried about not having a session with her this week (which is unusual, as I have always felt lonely without her). For the last 2-3 weeks I have been feeling very low and detached, and have started withdrawing from the world, hibernating at home and ignoring phone calls.

Possible trigger:

My sui ideation has started up again on a mild-moderate level but, despite feeling all the warning signs, this time I'm not eager to talk about it at all or tell my cate team.

I have an appointment tomorrow with my MH nurse, but I don't want to go; I just want to cocoon myself at home. I don't really want to go to my appointment next week with my t either. I've been trying to lift my mood by forcing myself to engage on a minimal level with the world outside, but have now given up on that and it was making no difference. My t wants me to examine some of my values and goals in life while she's away. I can't even think about any goals or values I have. I can barely cook dinner or clean my flat, I don't feel capable of trying to invest in goals at this point.

I don't know what I'm seeking by posting this, I guess just support, encouragement, suggestions or interpretations.

[Bill3]

(((((ThingwithFeathers)))))

Please do tell your care team what is going on with you.

(((((ThingwithFeathers))))))

[ThingWithFeathers]

Thanks, Bill.

But I just don't want to. I don't lie to them, so if they ask me directly I would be vague and noncommittal, but am too emotionally self protective and detached from others at the moment that I just did think I want to go down that route. I do want tge help I know is available and I'm not an immediate danger, I just want to withdraw.

[Bill3]

Here is what worries me: withdrawing leads to more withdrawing. What helps and heals is behavior activation, acting opposite to the desire to withdraw.

(((((ThingwithFeathers)))))

[ThingWithFeathers]

I'm tired. I feel like I've tried and tried to get out and/or see people, and I have a couple of arrangements made for the next week. I just find that when I'm around others I'm not really there and all I feel like doing is running away and hiding. So it's not an enjoyable experience to be around people. But, if I were to be honest, sitting at home staring at the floor or tv for hours and hours and hours at a time is not enjoyable either. It is more comforting though, and I can zone out without being rude when I'm home by myself.

I do hear you, it's just that am not motivated to continue engaging with the world nor am I feeling like reaching out irl.

[Bill3]

Right. That is what depression does, destroy the motivation to reach out or engage. It often feels too demanding to get out of bed, much less to engage with the world.

I'm glad that you have some arrangements for next week. When the time comes, though, I expect that there will be the temptation to cancel. I hope that you will choose to engage, both then and now, because I worry about the siren song of being comfortable at home.

[ThingWithFeathers]

What you say makes sense, Bill. Sometimes it's hard to see what's happening and notice where things are headed.

[LonesomeTonight]

Could you try to do something to get out of the house that doesn't involve direct socializing with others? Like going for a walk, driving to a store to get something (or a restaurant for carryout), going to a movie, something like that?

The one thing you must do for yourself if continue to meet with your MH care providers and continue to be complete honest and transparent with them. They can't assist you if they don't know what is going on. When you are depressed, it is really important to push yourself to at least not isolate from that help; that will land you in trouble every time. Also, even if you don't want to engage with other people, do things that at least make you get out of the house. Go sit in a bookstore and read. Go sit in a coffee shop and have a donut. You don't have to be social, but keep the juices flowing a bit. Just a little each day. Walk to the corner and back. I know your depression makes those things completely unappealling and unattainable, but you have to move against that depressive thinking a bit. Doesn't have to be huge, just little bits here and there.

Again, most importantly, tell you MH team exactly what is going on. Do NOT delay.

[Bill3]

(((((ThingwithFeathers)))))

[Cinnamon_Stick]

Originally Posted by ThingWithFeathers

My t is away on holiday for a week. I'm not too anxious about her being gone and I'm not worried about not having a session with her this week (which is unusual, as I have always felt lonely without her). For the last 2-3 weeks I have been feeling very low and detached, and have started withdrawing from the world, hibernating at home and ignoring phone calls.

Possible trigger:

My sui ideation has started up again on a mild-moderate level but, despite feeling all the warning signs, this time I'm not eager to talk about it at all or tell my cate team.

I have an appointment tomorrow with my MH nurse, but I don't want to go; I just want to cocoon myself at home. I don't really want to go to my appointment next week with my t either. I've been trying to lift my mood by forcing myself to engage on a minimal level with the world outside, but have now given up on that and it was making no difference. My t wants me to examine some of my values and goals in life while she's away. I can't even think about any goals or values I have. I can barely cook dinner or clean my flat, I don't feel capable of trying to invest in goals at this point.

I don't know what I'm seeking by posting this, I guess just support, encouragement, suggestions or interpretations.

I have been feeling pretty much the same as you. I have found that it helped me to tell my T and get her help. I am sorry you are feeling this way and I am sorry you are hurting.

[ThingWithFeathers]

So, I went and I was pretty honest. They could tell straight away that I was down. I need to go back to basics - like cleaning, washing, cooking etc. those kinds of things. We will see how I go this week.

[Bill3]

I'm so glad that you did that!

[ThingWithFeathers]

I didn't really have to instigate the conversation as they saw the moment I walked in that I was not doing well. I just had to be honest and clear about where I am at. What to do? We don't know. I was clear that I am not an immediate risk, so that they don't have to worry unnecessarily. It could change, but may not - so why worry them? I'll be back there in a week.

I think I'll make it.