[sjkero]

first off, i apologize because i've been given so many hugs and thoughts and suggestions for what i'm dealing with, but i feel so overwhelmed i can't even address your posts on an individual basis. i feel like i'm receiving more than i'm giving and it makes me feel like ***** so i'm sorry. i really am. i'm just a mess. i haven't written about my last session, but it went horribly. i had planned on mentioning my attachment issues and anger at my T for cancelling last minute but i couldn't do it. my T did everything right... she apologized profusely and asked a million questions and even acted as though she was me to share her thoughts on what i might be experiencing. i said NOTHING. i was pissed and sad and angry and embarrassed and wanted everything to go away. she ended the session saying 'i'll check in with you this week, and please check in with me if you need to.' she has done that from time to time after a hard session. well, our session was monday and it's now wednesday and i haven't heard from her which is making me mad at her which is so ridiculous because when she mentioned checking in i kind of brushed it off bc i was so mad. i know a lot of you have said that in order to lessen my obsession i need to stop checking facebook... her profile went back to private (awhile ago, as i've mentioned), but i can see 'when' she posts new pics--not what the pics are but when she posts them. and she posted one an hr ago. this makes me feel like complete ***** bc a small part of me thought our horrible session affected her everyday life but clearly she let go of it to enjoy her own life. i hate that. i really hate that. she's fine, and here i am ruminating on our effing session. she acted so concerned during it but clearly it was just for that moment in time while i'm reliving it every second every day. therapy is a ******. i'm thinking of writing an email but i've been drinking a lot so i don't know if i will regret it in the morning.... i hate all of this

[Soccer mom]

Definitely write a letter but don't send it. Getting it off your chest will help.

I have had the same feelings you have had and it sucks. But, I've also come to remember that my T. does have a life outside of her work. She has told me that she does think about her clients and then I'm sure there are days when she's busy or just plain ole completely forgets.

I have had friends go through something difficult and I completely forget to text or call the day of their struggle. It's not that I don't care, I just really got busy. She might have in her mind that she'll check in with you on Thursday. AND, she did offer for you to check in as well. But, I know, you want her to show she cares by contacting you first.

hang in there and try to write the letter to help you get your feelings off your chest. BTW, I love that she offered for you to check in and vice versa. My T. doesn't do that.

[TangerineBeam]

Originally Posted by sjkero

first off, i apologize because i've been given so many hugs and thoughts and suggestions for what i'm dealing with, but i feel so overwhelmed i can't even address your posts on an individual basis. i feel like i'm receiving more than i'm giving and it makes me feel like ***** so i'm sorry. i really am.

There's nothing wrong with getting the support you need without giving something back. There's no need to be sorry.

Originally Posted by sjkero

she ended the session saying 'i'll check in with you this week, and please check in with me if you need to.' she has done that from time to time after a hard session.

This right here tells me she really cares about you. She understands that you are in a hard place right now and wants to help you.

Originally Posted by sjkero

a small part of me thought our horrible session affected her everyday life but clearly she let go of it to enjoy her own life. i hate that. i really hate that. she's fine, and here i am ruminating on our effing session. she acted so concerned during it but clearly it was just for that moment in time while i'm reliving it every second every day. therapy is a ******.

It doesn't mean she completely forgot about you. Maybe she wants to give you some space (you said you were mad in session) and time to think and waits for you to contact her.

I know it's very hard to share, and it can be very painful, but I'm sure she won't push you away once you do that.

[Leah123]

I hope you'll give her this post. I'm sure that seems scary but it will give you what you want- closeness to her, the ability to untangle the horrible knot you're in, and progress toward your goals.

[ruh roh]

From the outside, this is really concerning to see. Your obsession has been going on so long without being addressed, it's got to be hell to live with.

I honestly don't know how someone gets over this. Since your therapist is the object of obsession, I'm wondering if you need to work this out with another therapist. In other words, don't drop her, but see another for consultation and take it from there?