My T is away - looking for a bit of support

I've had a rough week. Trying to manage as best I can, but I am depressed. I know I am in the middle of an episode and it's not going away any time soon.

I had an appointment yesterday with my MH nurse who said we'd watch things over the week, but my best support, my t, is away. I spent this morning going over, in explicit detail, my csa (for reasons I'm hesitant to say in a public forum). Now I'm really struggling, trying to avoid and remember at the same time. I see my t on Tuesday, but am looking for some (just a little) support while I'm waiting.

Thanks

(((((ThingWithFeathers)))))

Good job coming here and saying that you could use some support!

What can help you safely cope?

Hang in there! You can do it.

Probably I should put in place some self care strategies, simple things like making a cup of tea, allowing some time to think about what has happened today and what follows but not allowing those thoughts to take over etc.

I could try and zone out anf watch some tv or post here as a distraction.

I'm not sure what else to do.

And, I need to remember too. So, I don't know how to find a good balance between self care and distressing and vague memories.

The balance might be hard to find, but you could experiment and reflect on how each experiment went. So for example you could divide up an hour into some of this, some of that, and stick with that division as best you can. Then, at the end of the hour, you could reflect on how it went and what if anything you would do differently for the next period of time.

What would you include in self-care practices? I would tend to favor practical, sense-oriented things like making the cup of tea you mentioned. Things that connect you, via your senses and via their practical nature, to the present moment.

It might also help you to write down your feelings. Once I write them down, they seem to lose their intensity.

Maybe you could start by making a list of things you can do to take care of yourself and feel better, like the cup of tea or posting on here. Then when you're feeling bad, do something from the list. It's good that you're trying to help yourself.

This actually used to happen to me when I first started therapy. Then I didn't go for month because she was gone for a week then I was busy for the other 3 and that changed me. I felt so free and I had NO anxiety about appointments or anything like that. What I would do though is go out see friends (that was the best solution) or just distract yourself as best you can. Watch movies, sleep in, do some work. I have an appointment on Monday but I feel the opposite! You can do it though

I'm hoping this is what happens when I start spacing my sessions next month. Feeling more free and less anxiety.

How often do you go now?

I've been going since I was 18 and it was every week then, now ( a year after ) it's sometimes every 3 weeks (depending on both our schedules, since I have school all summer). But I'm starting once a week again because things are sort of getting bad.

Hope you are feeling better today. Anything we can do to help?

Thanks for the support and ideas, Everyone.

I took myself to a friends house tonight and had dinner there. That has distracted me a bit. I'm on my way home. I'm on my way home, so hope when I get back I'll still feel bearable. I'll make a cup of tea and try to keep up the self care. I still need to remember the bad things though too. It's hard to balance - especially when I avoid thinking about all of it, which is my default position, but I have to let myself remember somehow. Hmm ... ?

Good job going out to see your friend!



Maybe you could think about a specific part of it at a time? Maybe focusing on a specific part at a time would make it less overwhelming and thus a little bit easier to think about, rather than default to avoidance.

I am wondering: Have you ever considered or tried EMDR?

Thanks, Bill. I'm having a lot of trouble remembering at all. I guess I'm kind of tired at the moment, so that doesn't help.

My t and I have discussed exposure therapy, but for somewhere later down the track. I'm not sure if she's still going to do the exposure work - it's been a while since we spoke about it. I don't think she was going to use EMDR but a more gentle version of prolonged exposure therapy.

Have you tried EMDR?

I personally have not tried but a few years ago I read quite a lot about it. I think there are some threads here about it.

If you wanted to look into it a bit, here is a link:

EMDR Institute, Inc. - What is EMDR?

(((((ThingWithFeathers)))))

How are you doing today, TWF?

Ts back and I have an appointment tomorrow. That news would usually make me feel better, but I'm still in a dark place and I'm not sure when the clouds will lift. I don't know what to say to t. I am glad she is back, but I'm so withdrawn and closed off I'm not sure how the session will actually go. I never miss appointments, so I'll be going. I just feel I have nothing to say. I'm cognitively detached and emotionally fragile. I'm really not looking forward to my session tomorrow, but if I don't go it'll be yet another day in my flat by myself

Perhaps you could tell T about the clouds and the darkness. Perhaps she can be with you in that dark place.

I could try. Sometimes my voice fails me, but I could try. I find it so hard to be express myself in session, sometimes when I'm like this my t will pick up on it and she will do the talking while I just have to listen. So maybe that's what will happen. Wish I could explain myself properly to her - but sometimes words fail.

I wonder if you would write something beforehand and maye give that to her if words fail.

Your idea is a good one, Bil. Normally I would think of doing that, but what your suggestion makes me realise is that I'm actually too ashamed to do that. I guess that's why I'm too afraid to mention it - I feel bad for feeling this way and I want to hide these feelings from my t because I can't face the shame of her knowing.

I'm sorry for rebuking your thoughtful input , Bill. I really do appreciate your posts. I think my depression has started making me viewing all things in a negative light. Nothing seems like it will work - the helplessness has kicked in. It's so hard to see a way out.

Mine's been gone a month. It's been difficult. Especially because of last session. Now I'm supposed to see him tomorrow and I don't feel like it anymore.

So I understand your mixed feelings.

(((((ThingWithFeathers)))))

I think you are right to say that depression casts everything in a negative light and gives feelings of shame and helplessness and hopelessness.

Acting opposite to the prompting to hide in shame is very important. I expect that your T will know the feelings that come with the illness, including the felt shame. I hope that you will be able to speak or write candidly with her and thereby allow her to be with you in the darkness.