How many T's offer touch? (aside from hug or handshake?)

My t has never offered physical contact. I wish she would. I'm too shy to ask.

I'd like my T to come and sit next to me sometimes and to hold my hand. I've only been seeing her for a few months and I feel that it is too soon to talk about something like that, I don't know if I ever will talk about it. Also I'd like to rest my head on her shoulders. I don't think I'd ever feel able to say that.

No touch at all from T, just handshakes from marriage counselor and p-doc (though once when I was feeling really bad, p-doc put her other hand on top of mine as she shook my hand as she told me to "feel better").

No. Touch. At. All. No hugs, no handshakes, no nothing.

My T has not offered touch. She has, a couple of times, briefly put her hand on my arm when I was in a bad way. Twice, when I have been telling some difficult childhood stuff, she's said 'I'm not going to do this, but I feel like I really want to give you a cuddle '. Which, now I think about it, is quite unhelpful

My tutor and my friend are both very experienced T's and say that they never touch clients.

My T will hug, that's it. My Pdoc will hug if I ask her for one. Ex-T would hug, touch leg, or touch arm. Another ex-T would hug, touch arm or leg, and would sit next to me and hold my hand.

Hugs are most important to me. I won't see a T who won't hug. One of the Ts I recently interviewed would only do a side hug. That wasn't good enough. I wish my new T would do other little touch like touch my leg or arm. Maybe the next one will.

I don't know. Never asked. I don't want it.
For some reason, I DO think she would hug or hold a hand, because she seems touchy feely.
But I still don't want to go there.
There are already too many confusing "things" in our relationship.

Maybe you should see two Ts....instead of seeing the one 2x a week, see two different T's....one that will give you touch.

I have had many T's over the years. I have gotten hugs from all of them except 1. I had to risk rejection and ask and then we would hug at the end of each session. The first therapist I had would hug me anytime in the session when I wanted it. The therapist I had before this one would give me nice long hugs and sit beside me when reading journal entries or something. The therapist I have now gives me a quick hug at the end of each session. It is not the most comforting but it is something. Other than that, that is all the touch I have gotten. I have felt touch starved my whole life. When the therapist I had before this wanted to sit by me I felt really awkward but I got used to it. I don't think I could have a T where I didn't get some sort of touch.

He didnt allow touches. When I first hugged him before his vacation he was ok with this because of break. Then I hugged him few times and one day he said its not okay and I cant hug him anymore. I was desperate and broken and even got sick after session, I cried for 5 hours then I took pill and fell asleep. I felt like he gave me a gift and then took it away. When I saw him again and told him how I felt, he hugged me and said that its our last hug but he hugged me next times again. Then was our real last hug and it hurt so much, I even terminated him but came back and we didnt hug. Some time ago I hugged him but he held me and didnt let me and said I crossed the line again. Sad but we dont hug and dont touch anymore.

I def need a T that touches. My T gives me good hugs at the beginning and end of every session. Sometimes when I am in the waiting room, she comes barreling out of her office running at me with open arms to hug me. Makes me feel like I actually have some worth, if only for a minute.

There are only chairs in her office, so there isn't really opportunity for her to sit by me, or hold me or anything. At least not comfortably. I cry often in her office, but I've never sobbed or had a major meltdown in front of her. I think if I did, she would try to figure out how to physically comfort me. I think she would if I asked her to as well.

Her touch has been a life-saving tool for me. Literally. This I find pathetic. But I have so many issues, and touch has never been something I have been deserving enough to give or receive. I swear half of my issues could be resolved by allowing more human touch. I'm extremely deprived.

I am really sorry for what you are still struggling to deal with, MussingLizzy. Your feelings are justified. I wish I could help you be free of this damning pain.

Very rarely. It isn't something we've ever discussed. We hug on occasion. He's held my hand on occasion. It isn't something I expect particularly, but it is fine and happens when it happens very naturally and appropriately. My T is very cautious about touching me without asking my permission first because of my background, particularly if I am any bit dissociative at the time. He always asks first so it doesn't come as a surprise. Even when touch is involved, the touch really isn't the important part; it is the connection in the moment which honestly is there with or without the touch.

My T and I hug at the end of our sessions and sometimes an extra hug if I am having a bad session.

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Mine is a body psychotherapist so loads of touch available if I ask, but I have to ask and sometimes we have to discuss. Also because one of my issues is being touch deprived a simple 5 minute hand massage can then give me an extreme reaction which lasts for the rest of the session. For me learning how to accept touch is probably the most healing part of my therapy, but it is taking a long time.

t and I hug at the end and sometimes the beginning. I'm too shy to initiate the hug at the beginning. the end hug I don't mind because if it gets weird, awkward or intense I can bolt. I put my head on his chest (he's a LOT taller than me and I'm really short) and try to memorize his heartbeat. I like the hugs because sometimes it's the only way I feel safe enough to allow myself to be vulnerable with him. His hugs are pretty spectacular also. His heartbeat is steady (unlike my panicky one) and it feels safe.

I'm so sorry you're continuing to suffer, musing. If you are able to see two t's for a while, one that uses touch, maybe that could help move you out of this?

I don't like being touched. So a handshake is cool after therapy. I saw my female Ts out and about(shopping etc), I would ask for a hug. Male T, nope...

Only sort of touch was a hug once before a long break (didn't really know how long even). Since then there have been a few other long breaks but no hugs. I haven't gotten emotional so her sitting by me would seem out of place/awkward to me. Last time I actually just noticed that her chair is actually pretty distant from the client's (maybe just bc it's a big office).
I want to hug her, I do, but I am super self conscious so it makes me nervous....also can't muster the courage to ask. Anyone have suggestions for making that easier?

I am sorry that you have to experience this and are struggling with your therapists choices and seemingly out of the blue decisions about touch, I can see why that would be distressing.

I've read your other posts before. I am so so sorry you're still struggling with this. I really feel for you and understand. I had a friendship with an older woman (not a my therapist or a therapist at all) who would hug me, touch me, etc. but ended it slowly over time until we didn't have physical contact anymore. She need directly said anything, but she pushed me away pretty well. Never answered me anymore. I didn't understand and it became too painful for me so I just never spoke to her again. It was too painful so I ended it...

Now with my current T, she has never ended touch or tightened boundaries. I don't foresee it ever ending either, since we haven't done much or that long... I have Seen her for 5 years now, and we JUST started hugging at the end of every appointment, for the first time 2 months ago. Only once, 4 years ago she touched me on the knee a second when I cried for the first time ever in therapy after seeing her for a year. So touch wasn't existent in our therapy to say the least. She offered it to me, many times, even saying she wanted to, but I couldn't. Eventually, I wanted to though, actually more than I should. I asked for a hug, and she gave it to me. Then at the end of the next session, asked if she could give it to me again. She held me hand at the beginning of June when I cried for the 2-3 time in therapy (5 years and only cried like 2-3 times... Wow). And she held my hand for a very long time, until I broke away to check my make up in the mirror (my make up was ruined to say the least). I have a feeling, she would allow more touch if I asked. She seems almost, attached to me as well . I want more touch but haven't ask. Too afraid.

Although I dream about her dying or abandoning me or I have dreams where I have to go to great lengths to see her and I end up being too late and I can't see her... Always upsetting dreams.

I say, what do you have to lose. Tell her everything and how you feel. Try to make her understand. She can't really take much more away? And it's affecting you negatively. You need help with this. Don't try to solve this on your own. It's too much. Just tell her and get angry with her. Maybe she is trying to provoke something from you. Who knows... I know I'm a hypocrite, and I don't say everything I should in therapy, but this seems to be worth saying and can't really hurt you anymore than the damage that has been done.


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I am one of the most cowardly people on the planet (my friend told me so), and I asked my T for a hug. It's possible. You can write it down and give it to her. But there is no secret. You either ask or not. It toke me forever to ask, but I finally did it and I was glad. But my T said yes. So that's why. If you feel she would give you one, ask.

Good luck if decide to ask her!

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I never even really asked my T about this until recently. I've been seeing her for 7 years off and on (we had about a 3-4 year gap while I was having babies though). Touch isn't a regular or big thing, although it's something I need to work on. She put her hands on my knees one time to help ground me and she will usually pat me gently on the back when I am leaving but that's it. After asking (in a somewhat cryptic way so it wasn't particularly straight forward) she did sat beside me on the couch (still no touching, though) and she did tell me that she isn't opposed to any contact but that it's very situational, and the key is safety. I dissociate quite a bit so I think she just wants to be cautious.

Touch has become a big part of my therapy. Me and T have a consciously monitored breaking of the rule regarding maintained and repeated physical contact. We sit on the floor side by side leaning on each other, occasionally our feet touch but not in a 'footsie' kind of way, just because we turn to make eye contact from time to time, so our whole bodies lean in. I usually have my left arm across my body and hold onto the fabric around his left elbow and rub it between my fingers, and occasionally stroke his arm. If we hit a raw nerve he's ok with me putting my head down on his shoulder and / or holding his upper arm firmly. We once held hands for a portion of a session, and we only hugged once. If it's something I struggle to talk about we do one of two things:
1) Sit back to back, again leaning on each other
Or
2) He turns so is at 90* to me and we lean that way (occasionally end up with the side of my head between his shoulder blades).

Every month or so we make a point of checking in with the relationship and our way of being together to make sure it's still a benefit to the work. For me the benefits are too vast to list, but the most important ones are:

The human touch. I had CBT for years and they were always very cold and clinical. I found it possible to feel safe and comfy enough to open up. New T is very accommodating and always willing to try and find a way of doing things that's good for me, but within the boundaries of ethical guidelines.

Staying grounded. I suffer (amongst other things) from dissociation. Having something active to physically hold on to helps me keep my mind and body in the same place. We refer to it as feeling rooted.

I can't imagine doing it without touch now. Told him if I go in one week and he insists I sit on a chair, I'll go sit on him as a matter of principle lol. Incidentally I would not be happy doing this if he wasn't. Last week for the first time he told me he enjoys the touch too. This was a big deal as up until then I'd felt like a bit of a creep manhandling him every week. And obviously the touch is never sexual. Thought I'd clarify that before I get a barrage of messages

When my T used to let me cry on her, I did the same thing. Tried to memorize her heartbeat. It helped me feel more grounded.

Thanks, all, for the posts, sorry I haven't been around. I'd consider two Ts but I don't know if insurance would pay for that, and I can't afford to pay out of pocket. I really do like my T, and I'd like to stay with her for now, even though she took away what was the most healing part of therapy for me, but I wouldn't mind seeing someone who uses touch more also. I do see a physical therapist....but that's not the same.

She knows exactly how I'm feeling. I even reminded her last week. Talking about it won't change anything.... I don't even feel understood. She does hug me. At the end of every session (unless I don't want it). She initiates the hugs. So she's not against that. But the hugs have shortened somewhat. She used to tell me she loves me. No more. She allows unlimited contact out of session, but I am afraid if I use it too much, she will take that away. In fact I told her last week I thought that. She questioned me as to why she didn't hear from me at all and I said I didn't want to bother her. She said it's not a bother, and that I'm always welcome to Email/text her. I told her that may not always be the case. She asked why I think that. I said I just feel it. She may get tired of that contact one day. She says our most important work appears to happen between sessions, and that my sessions are the "glue that holds it all together."

Mine does but I've made it clear I have issues being touched right now so after she put her hand on my shoulder she apologized. I actually do want her to hug me but I'm afraid to ask

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Just curious, if you know your T allows touch, and you want a hug, why are you afraid to ask? I'd be afraid of a "no," (rejection), but it sounds like that may not be the case for you?