Distance

How do you deal with the distance created when you disagree or get angry at your T and feel alone? I also feel like I have to figure out how to figure out how to solve whatever the "problem" is and that's a bit scary to me, as I don't know how to do that "yet" :-) and being puzzled and lost is not a place I'm fond of? LOL

I usually just let go of the whole mess and go over to another corner of my head/therapy to work, where I can include my T and sometimes that disappoints me, especially if I have to "give up" too soon, too often. I do a lot of stopping/giving up and that can wear on me, make me feel a loser.

I think that I lately have confronted my T and that has been interesting and empowering but yet I recall him asking me how I felt at one point last week with my arms folded across my chest. I told him I feel powerless ...meaning in the room and in the relationship...and many ways I do/did.

I suppose I do understand what you mean about going in to a different corner. Sometimes I can do that and sometimes that is more difficult but I suppose I get around to getting there..lol...even if angy.

If I feel disempowered sometimes in t as well as in life in general I sometimes feel like retracting myself from life and all that it means and holds. I want to get in to a teeny tiny ball....maybe umbillical... sometimes smaller and more solid than that. To get out of that is a struggle and takes myself reaching out of the ball and asking for help or a diversion.

I think that the last time we battled in therapy I felt like he at least told me that by our arguing and clarifying we were working to get on the same side...to do deep work. The idea that he told me that gave me hope and I have been much better this week. Now tomorrow is the next meeting... and then 2 weeks. He has not decided how often he will see me after that. Like... I am not sure I have any input.... doubtful and I will disagree with him... I think. So... there we go again...as I will feel distanced again... or not ... all based on his answer. And sometimes I will feel powerless and like I am good or bad or ... I hate this....

This makes me emotional... and I have been ok for almost all day I think....lol...

What does it do for you?

I love when they tell you the hard stuff is good for you, especially when one is in the middle of it. It's when I forget to "mention" that I'm having trouble and start floundering around on my own, weighted under my misperceptions, etc. that I get in most trouble I think, when I forget to listen.

I still remember when my T got "sharp" and told me not to do something "like you always do" and that took me the entire next week to realize she was "warning" me as in "Watch out!" rather than criticizing me or putting me down in some way or being disappointed, etc. I guess being on my raft going down my rapids and looking like we're going to hit a rock kind of could make someone speak "sharply" LOL!

Perna,

I have struggled with this as well. I have only had the guts to actually disagree with T once or twice and then, not as forcefully as he would like me to. I find it very hard to challenge him, but that's one of my issues, getting in touch with my anger. I tend to do more of what you do and visit one of my other "compartments" so i don't have to deal with the anger issue. Not such a good thing, I'm afraid.

Secret,

Why don't you have input? I don't understand that at all and it bothers me, or is it just that you feel like you don't have input? I think it's important to feel that we can tap our own power and use it. This is something I have been working on but have not yet been successful at.


Sister

When I get angry at t, I can't simply go to another 'corner of my head' lol..I like that expression....

When I'm angry at t my t is like the proverbial elephant in the room and I need to talk about it, process it, clear the path between us...otherwise 'therapy' cannot resume...yet this IS part of what therapy is about...

I have tried one time...just 'put my anger on the shelf' and talk about other stuff...but it didn't work for me...

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Now tomorrow is the next meeting... and then 2 weeks. He has not decided how often he will see me after that. Like... I am not sure I have any input....

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No wonder you feel powerless, SecretGarden. You have no input. He makes the decisions. Where are you in this relationship? ((((hugs))))

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sunrise said:
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Now tomorrow is the next meeting... and then 2 weeks. He has not decided how often he will see me after that. Like... I am not sure I have any input....

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No wonder you feel powerless, SecretGarden. You have no input. He makes the decisions. Where are you in this relationship? ((((hugs))))

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Sister and Sunrise.... I started on this at the end of the session last time and ....he "had to stop." So I will bring it up tomorrow. I think that there is a fear that I will become too dependent on him and then he feels the need to distance himself. In the way distant past there was a time that I called him twice in one weekend. He sent me away to my group leader for 6-8 weeks. Talk about powerless.

I told him this time that I wish to be coming more often now as I feel like we are making headway.... He said he has not decided what we will do yet. I have gone every other week for several years til the last 6 or so weeks I have gone every week. (I have been in a depressive crisis and starting a new med. We have also been in confrontation too..which adds to the crisis in my book.) He says there is no good time for this... and I guess so. Anyhow ... making headway now.

As part of this new regime through this confrontation-a-rama perhaps I will have more say.... Sometimes I feel like a child...though he said that my adult was there most of the time last session.

I go again in the morning. Wish me luck. Feeling a little distanced and melancholy this evening I suppose. Last week was productive... hope for the same this week.

Also powerless is a familiar emotion I historically had with my parents... I have for the most part taken my power back with them.

Good luck tomorrow. I know you will have the strength to ask what you need to ask!

What is a group leader?

I was part of a ladies group for close to 5 years. Many moons ago but a wonderful validating experience..that I was really not that unusual...brought me out of my shell.

However I was insulted at being sent away... and was to address my anxiety...with her.

I am beginning to feel confused... the fading stuff... will need to get it together for tomorrow. Thanks. It will come together.

Thanks.

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Perna said:
How do you deal with the distance created when you disagree or get angry at your T and feel alone?

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I have been confronting him lately. Actually it's quite liberating, and I find myself running wild with the freedom, lol.

As far as distance... I read the other day that Irvin Yalom asks his patients, "How are you dealing with the space between you and me today?"

I love that. I can't get over it.

I can't force my T to ask something Yalom does... it would be unnatural. So when I go in on Friday (and I'm not kidding about this), I am going to sit down and say to T, "So how are you dealing with the space between you and I today?"

You see, it's such a great concept and statement that I cannot bear to let it go to waste. So I figure that if I use it, then we can at least discuss it.

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Perna said:
How do you deal with the distance created when you disagree or get angry at your T and feel alone?

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Confronting someone is really against my nature so at my last therapy apt I was really proud of myself when I brought it to my T's attention that something she had said had made me angry. She said several times how happy she was that I told her and I think it is the start of some very good discussions (will have to wait and see).

"So how are you dealing with the space between you and I today?"

I know this quote isn't talking about the literal space between yourselves and your T's, but it reminded me of something else I've been experiencing in therapy. After a session when I'm replaying it over and over I realized that when I think of different things that my T says I picture her at different distances from me even though she never moves from the chair across the room. I guess it is my subconscious really playing out how I'm reacting to what she is saying and how I feel about it. It was an interesting realization that I had into my reaction to therapy and I wondered if anyone else experiences this?