Quitting therapy because too attached to T?

Naw, not really. For five months I've been falling apart inside. Just trying to make this work. Some days it feels better. Others, not so much.

When working with strong feelings of attachment. I think it's imparitive a T is there when they're supposed to.
My T apart from breaks had never cancelled on me in 11yrs.
That is the cornerstone to trust and being able to face my attachment and than work with it.
If she was unrealible I think it would be more like emotional tennis than therapy.

I forgot to mention one very important thing.

You're doing distance therapy- as am I. A unique challenge of distance therapy is the lack of the disconnect. When a person sees a therapist in an office- they must drive or walk or ride there, usually go through a waiting room or check in, enter the office, be seated. And when they leave, the same things happen-

life intrudes on the therapy process and helps us to close down from therapy mode, just a little bit more in person than in session at home. There is a physical process, and the mind needs those, to fully engage and better disengage.

In contrast (and I've done both) the feeling for me with distance therapy is like being on a phone line that remains open for me, but where my therapist is disconnected, so my heart/processing self/attachment-needing self is always "strung" along, because I don't get to make the transition environmentally, *unless* I create a transition routine for myself. This is essential to moving on from the therapy hour for distance clients. It can be simple- we end our calls by pulling an angel card and focusing on using the energy of that word to help me into a positive space between sessions, and then, I open my windows (closed during session sometimes for privacy), I walk downstairs, I open my front door, I look out at my yard and reconnect with what's going on out there for a minute. I just started that part.

Or we have a more in-depth process for sessions where I have been doing excruciating trauma work or am dissociated or in another state that makes it extra hard to leave.

It's so important. That doesn't mean we totally forget about therapy or don't process, oh no, but it means that we give our psyche a way to decompress/change the emotional channel a little that isn't built in to the distance therapy model as much.

I like the idea of ending the session like that. I don't really ever stop processing. Well until I get into a session and my mind goes blank But after a session it's non stop. Either what we talked about or what I wanted to say but couldn't. Write the next day and it just continues.

I feel the same way. There really isn't a break in the connection unless its forced, sick, vacation, cancels etc. Typically for weeks at a time a can rely on a response just about everyday. I know I can always send him a message and get a response later so it always feels like he's there if that makes sense. Then when something happens and he can't respond or isn't going to, it all falls apart and it feels really disconnected. I think it adds to the extremes I already gravitate to. I've thought about cutting back on talking in between sessions. Kind of force myself to get comfortable not having that direct connection all the time. Work on holding the connection within myself and not relying on his response everyday if that makes sense. I don't know if it would help or just be avoiding the problem of feeling abandoned? That's usually where I make the most progress too, in between sessions.

When I felt overly attached took a few months off to clear my head.

I've been considering doing that myself. Perhaps taking the remainder of the summer off from therapy. Hard decision, it is.

It is a hard choice. I feel like I would probably lose a lot of momentum and trust.

Why is it your problem? If your T is not getting how much cancellations or disconnects are hurting you, that would seem to be a major empathic failure on his part.

And even if there are good reasons for canceling or otherwise being inconsistent, that is not your problem. The T is supposed to take care of your needs and if he can't, he needs to say so and make necessary adjustments or arrangements.

Sounds like the problem is not that you don't know how to rely on him, rather he does not know how to be sufficiently reliable for you.

This will probably annoy somebody, but is it possible that the very nature and set up of therapy is part of the problem here?

How I feel when he's inconsistent is my problem because my reactions are extreme and it feels really bad and I don't like that. It's something I want to figure out and work on. I've had the same problem with friendships.

I think he gets parts of it. He is completely emphatic and apologizes. He's told me before that he was worried about me and felt bad for canceling. I don't get that, why or even how would he take care of my needs? That's my job.

Not clear why it is your problem that you feel bad when the T cancels or otherwise disappoints you. He may have legit reasons for canceling, but then his needs have superseded yours. By needs I meant therapy-related needs as opposed to general life needs.

Maybe I am wrong, but sounds like you are taking the blame. Some people would say therapy failure is ALWAYS the T's fault.

ANd again, if you feel hurt or abandoned in therapy, as in life, then therapy is part of the problem not part of the solution isn't it?

I might be assuming too much.

It sounds to me like you two have a strong therapeutic alliance and this is great material to work on. I've been working on some of these things too.